What do you call a snake that's 3.14 feet long?
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︎ Feb 04 2021
Whst is 3/7 chicken, 2/3 cat and 2/4 goat ?
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︎ Feb 12 2021
The police just showed up at my house and arrested my bottle of water. They said he was wanted in 3 states...
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︎ Feb 09 2021
A slice of apple pie is $2.50 in Jamaica and $3 in the Bahamas
These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
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︎ Feb 02 2021
If 3 lefts make a right, what do 2 rights make?
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︎ Feb 13 2021
Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me
Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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︎ Jan 06 2021
3 ants named A, B, and C were all males. Which one floats the best?
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︎ Feb 02 2021
Bu-Ford :3
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︎ Dec 05 2020
3 men are stuck on a boat with 4 cigarettes, but nothing to light them with.
They throw one over board and the boat becomes a cigarette lighter.
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︎ Jan 19 2021
OPINION β 3.14 = ONION
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︎ Jan 17 2021
I see you've dug 3 holes looking for water
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︎ Jan 14 2021
My 3 year old made this joke, I don't see it ever mentioned online
What is a cow's favorite drink?
A:a smoooothie
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︎ Feb 07 2021
Itβs my 3 year Reddit anniversary!
Getting karma should be as easy as cake.
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︎ Dec 30 2020
A 3 legged dog walks into the bar.
"I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
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︎ Feb 16 2021
Yesterday I got in a fight with 1,3,5,7, and 9
The odds were not in my favor
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︎ Jan 09 2021
A 3-legged dog walks into a saloon
He looks around and asks, βWho shot my paw?β
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︎ Feb 12 2021
Why does a milking stool only have 3 legs?
Because the cow has the udder
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︎ Dec 12 2020
Three things Christ promises he will never do: Won't leave you broken-hearted (Psalm 147:3), won't reject you (John 6:37), and won't leave you nor forsake you (Hebrews 13:5).
In essence, Jesus is never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, never gonna run around and desert you.
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︎ Oct 25 2020
A woman was 3 months pregnant when she fell into a deep coma and woke up after about 6 months.
The woman asked the doctor about her baby.
Doctor: You had twins, a boy and a girl. They're both fine. And, you're brother named them for you.
Woman: No No No! Not my brother. He's an idiot! What did he name the girl?
Doctor: Denise.
Woman: Ohh, that's actually a nice name. What about the boy?
Doctor: deeply sighs Denephew.
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︎ Aug 19 2020
Dad told me, "Remember these 3 little words: Don't Argue."
I said, "That's only two words," and he yelled "You're starting already!"
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︎ Feb 13 2021
What did 2 say to 3 when they saw 6 acting like an idiot?
Donβt mind him. He is just a product of our times.
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︎ Dec 21 2020
Saw this from a web comic I read and had to share <3
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︎ Jan 15 2021
Ordering pizza with my 3 year old.
Me: do you want ranch or blue cheese?
3yr old: ranch is for horses
Little guy Caught me off guard lol
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︎ Jan 04 2021
3 blind men walk into a bar.
They say, "Ow," because they walked into a bar.
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︎ Feb 12 2021
A Mexican magician tells the audience he is going to disappear on the count of 3.
He says, βuno, dos..β and then POOF he disappeared without a tresβ¦
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︎ Nov 18 2020
Today someone bought our department a box of donuts and some lotto tickets. The potential grand prize was $3,000, in which my boss exclaimed "Well that isn't enough to retire".
I corrected him by saying that is plenty of money to buy some new tires for your car.
The physical pain on his face was priceless.
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︎ Dec 22 2020
Dog 1 - Woof Woof. Dog 2 - Woof Woof. Dog 3 - Moo Moo.
Dog 2 - What in the world is Moo Moo?
Dog 3 - I'm learning a foreign language!
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︎ Feb 10 2021
There are 3 types of people in this world
Those who can count and those who can't
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︎ Jan 12 2021
Day 3 of the Dadvent!
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︎ Dec 03 2020
My wife and I were woken up at 3am by loud banging on our door. I got up, opened the door and there was a drunken stranger standing in the pouring rain, asking for a push. "Are you insane man?!!? It's 3 in the morning!!" I screamed, slamming the door and stormed back to bed...
"Who was that?" asked my wife.
"Just some drunk asking for a push." I grumbled.
"Did you help him?" she asked.
"No, I did NOT! It's 3am and it's pouring rain!"
"Well, you've a short memory." she said. "Don't you remember three months ago when we broke down and those two guys helped us? You should be ashamed of yourself! Now get out there and help him!"
She had a point, and angrily, I got dressed and went out into the darkness, calling out, "Hello, are you still there?"
"Yes."
"Do you still need a push?"
"Yes please."
"Where are you?"
"Over here...on the swing."
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︎ Jan 08 2021
Brought my friend some chicken, told him I had 1 leg, 3 breasts and a wing.
He asked βSo how do you find clothes that fit?β.
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︎ Feb 10 2021
Would better fit here, original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/memes/comments/kq35tq/shitpost_because_its_3_am_and_i_should_be_sleeping/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
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︎ Jan 05 2021
A tub of margarine fell on my foot 3 weeks a go and it still hurts.....
I can't believe it's not better.
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︎ Oct 13 2020
Would better fit here, [original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/memes/comments/kq35tq/shitpost_because_its_3_am_and_i_should_be_sleeping/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share)
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︎ Jan 04 2021
My friend found a deer stuck in a fence. It took him 3 hours, but he was able to rescue it.
Heβll do anything for a buck.
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︎ Dec 28 2020
I was complaining to my husband that the baby carrots I bought were so so big that I needed to cut them up for our 3 year old.
He said "Maybe next time you should get premie carrots instead."
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︎ Jan 30 2021
Did you know that fish are a great source of omega 3, which is great for helping the brain function?
...Just some food for thought.
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︎ Dec 12 2020
The latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people....
......make up 75% of the world's population.
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︎ Jan 22 2021
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︎ Jan 02 2021
3 nuns were praying...
Three nuns were praying on a park bench when a man walks up and flashes them.
1st nun had a stroke, the 2nd nun also had a stroke.
The 3rd one was too slow!
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︎ Jan 10 2021
My wife and I watched 3 movies back to back last night.
Luckily I was the one facing the screen.
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︎ Dec 31 2020
What do you get if you eat 3.14 cakes?
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︎ Nov 29 2020
A slice of pie is $2.50 in Jamaica, and $3.00 in the Bahamas.
These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
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︎ Feb 13 2021
Yesterday I got in a fight with 1,3,5,7, and 9
The odds were not in my favor
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︎ Jan 09 2021
A steak pie will cost you $2.50 in Jamaica, in Barbados its $3
These are the pie rates of the Caribbean
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︎ Jan 23 2021
What did 2 tell 3 when he saw 6 acting like an idiot?
Donβt mind him. He is just a product of our times.
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︎ Aug 12 2020
A slice of key line pie in Jamaica is 2.75, while a slice in the Bahamas is 3.50.
Those are the pie rates of the Caribbean
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︎ Jan 26 2021
A woman was 3 months pregnant when she fell in a deep coma and woke up after about 6 months.
The woman asked the doctor about the baby.
The doctor: Congratulations. You had twins, both boys. They're both fine. And your brother named them a for you.
Woman: No. No. No! Not my brother. He's an idiot! What did he name them?
Doctor: He named one of them Pete, after your deceased father as he told me.
Woman: Oh that's actually a very nice name. What did he name the other boy?
Doctor: deeply sighs RePete.
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︎ Dec 02 2020
What do you call a snake that's exactly 3.14 m. long?
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︎ Jan 20 2021
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