My son asked we to pay for his rifle test today. It was $30.

That was a cheap shot.

šŸ‘︎ 4
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šŸ‘¤︎ u/signequanon
šŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2020
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I took my wife to an orchard for her birthday and we stood there looking at the trees for about 30 minutes

Not the Apple Watch she was expecting apparently.

šŸ‘︎ 31
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šŸ‘¤︎ u/Nymphomanius
šŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2020
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I book all my dental appointments for 2:30...

So I can tell the receptionist that I've arrived... for my tooth hurty...

I'm so sorry..

šŸ‘︎ 5
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šŸ‘¤︎ u/VentilatedEgg
šŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2020
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A stone thrown into a pond in 1990 has been wet for around 30 years.

Let that sink in.

šŸ‘︎ 9
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šŸ‘¤︎ u/dinner_cat96
šŸ“…︎ May 28 2020
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I wanted to buy a $30 meal for my father, my grandfather and father-in-law. I figured they'd lump em all together and charge a reduced fee...

But no. I was charged $30 a pop.

šŸ‘︎ 52
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šŸ‘¤︎ u/thomasbrakeline
šŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2020
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Did you know my dad drive a truck for 30 years?

He was bad with directions.

šŸ‘︎ 13
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šŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2020
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For over 30,000 years humans gave each other social "likes" by sharing beads made from ostrich eggs.

I guess you might call them emu-jis.

šŸ‘︎ 5
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šŸ‘¤︎ u/JoeFas
šŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2020
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I've been trying to use a boomerang for 30 minutes already...

And then it hit me

šŸ‘︎ 4
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šŸ‘¤︎ u/Florinel787
šŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
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Lift your left leg up for 30 seconds when it's 11:59:45 tonight.

That way you will start 2019 off on the right foot.

šŸ‘︎ 32
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šŸ‘¤︎ u/habsfan1112
šŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2018
šŸšØ︎ report
I drove a truck for 30 years.

Iā€™m now SEMI-retired.

Courtesy of a contestant on Wheel of Fortune.

šŸ‘︎ 8
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šŸ‘¤︎ u/puffyyn
šŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2019
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I just bought a Prince album for Ā£30

But tonight I'm gonna party like it's Ā£19.99

šŸ‘︎ 5
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šŸ‘¤︎ u/hairychris88
šŸ“…︎ May 15 2019
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These Horse Reins are going for $30,000 just because they were handmade by an Ethiopian Monk.
šŸ‘︎ 6
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šŸ‘¤︎ u/JoahTheProtozoa
šŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2018
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My dad, an engineer for more than 30 years, saw me putting on foundation. He asked me what it was.

I told him it's foundation. Then he asks, "why, are you going to build a house on top of it?"

šŸ‘︎ 8
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šŸ‘¤︎ u/manicpixie14
šŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2019
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You can only celebrate someone's 32nd birthday you can only celebrate it for 30 seconds

Because it's their thirty second birthday

šŸ‘︎ 5
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šŸ‘¤︎ u/NamelessWafflez
šŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2019
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I always try to schedule my dentist appointments for 2:30

The receptionists don't find it as funny as I do.

šŸ‘︎ 10
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šŸ‘¤︎ u/ihasanali
šŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2018
šŸšØ︎ report
My aunt ran an aerial yoga studio for 30 years, then shut it down.

The next tenant tried to run a KFC but it didn't do very well because it was built on an ancient Indian aerial grounds.

šŸ‘︎ 9
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šŸ‘¤︎ u/ZigguratOfUr
šŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2016
šŸšØ︎ report
My dad's reaction to whenever the time is 2:30 or anywhere near 2:30 for the last 24 years I've known him...

"Uhp! Time to go to the dentist."

šŸ‘︎ 50
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šŸ‘¤︎ u/doodiewizard
šŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2013
šŸšØ︎ report
My Dad's favorite joke that he's been telling for 30+ years.

A guy walks into a psychiatrists office obviously frantic and repeating, "I'm a tee-pee, I'm a wig-wam, I'm a tee-pee, I'm a wig-wam..."

The psychiatrist says, "Whoa, whoa, man. Sit down! You're two tents!"

šŸ‘︎ 24
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šŸ‘¤︎ u/Unkle-J
šŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2015
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I saved this dad joke for 30 years for just the right moment...

I think I "invented" this joke when I was around 15, but I'm sure others have as well since it's not too subtle. The key, though, was that I waited for just the right moment to use it for the first time.

I had an ear infection, so I went to the doctor, who took a look and quickly diagnosed it and wrote a prescription and handed it to me.

> Doctor: It's just an ear infection, so 4 drops of this daily should clear it right up.

> Me: [Reading the prescription, and seeing the name of the antibiotic, but I may be wrong about the name, so if anyone knows the right name, please reply.] [Completely seriously.] Oraline? So, I put the drops in my mouth?

> Doctor: [Quizzically.] No, no, no, you put it in your ear!

> Me: Oh, I read the name, and "Oraline" sounds like something you'd take orally.

> Doctor: Nope, in the ear.

> Me: [Remembering my dad joke.] It's a good thing that you didn't prescribe me analgesics.

The doctor had no reaction, just said their deadpan goodbye and left. I've wondered if they didn't get it, didn't think it was funny, or had heard it hundreds of times before.

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šŸ‘¤︎ u/TaedW
šŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2015
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Asked my Dad to drop me off to College for 12:30

Sister : "Can you drop me off at 12:30 to please?"

Dad: "12:32? Do I need to be that precise?

He walked off looking quite pleased with himself.

šŸ‘︎ 12
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šŸ‘¤︎ u/JamesLoganLIES
šŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2013
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The elevator mechanic father joke reminded me of my dad doing this for 30 years now and still going strong

He drove semi for UPS for 32 years until he retired. He used to tell people he was a "semi professional driver"

eye roll

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šŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2014
šŸšØ︎ report
Lift your left leg up for over a minute when it's 11:59:30 tonight

That way you start 2018 off on the right foot!

šŸ‘︎ 63
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šŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2017
šŸšØ︎ report

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