Theres 3.3 million people in here so I figured id go ahead and post that im looking for one night stand.
Matter of fact, make it 2. I need one for each lamp.
π︎ 11
π
︎ Oct 27 2020
This was one of my favorite jokes my Dad told me when I was a kid. I turn 46 tomorrow, and he turns 76. Yep, we both have the same birthday. "What do you do to an elephant with 3 balls?"
Walk him, and pitch to the rhino.
Thanks for still making me laugh with that one, Dad.
π︎ 3k
π
︎ Nov 18 2022
Why did the Star Wars movies came out in the order 4, 5, 6, 1, 2, 3β¦?
Because "in charge of scheduling, the Yoda was."
π︎ 7k
π
︎ Nov 07 2022
I was at Costco today and a whole rack of Omega 3 pills fell on me
I'm ok though. It was just super fish oil injuries.
π︎ 2k
π
︎ Nov 06 2022
When I eat a rack of ribs I only eat ribs 2, 3, 5, 7, and 11.
π︎ 478
π
︎ Nov 16 2022
Why do popular girls walk in groups of 3, 5, and 7?
Because they so can not even.
I'm sorry. I'm really truly sorry that you just spent time reading this.
π︎ 3k
π
︎ Sep 21 2022
My friend was telling me how his 3 year old son accidentally said a dad joke.
His son was eating animal cookies, and pulls out a cookie shaped like a whale, and says:
whale whale whale... what do we have here.
π︎ 153
π
︎ Nov 17 2022
Genie: I shall grant you 3 wishes; Me: I wish for a world without lawyers; Genie: Done, you have no more wishes; Me: But you said 3
π︎ 593
π
︎ Nov 06 2022
What do you call a snake that's 3.14 meters long?
Depends what kind of snake it is.
π︎ 8k
π
︎ Aug 16 2022
At a job interview I was asked to describe myself in 3 words.
π︎ 1k
π
︎ Sep 23 2022
β-1 2^3 β Ο
π︎ 643
π
︎ Sep 27 2022
From my 3 year old. Whatβs it called when a bunch of apples roll down a hill?
π︎ 1k
π
︎ Sep 29 2022
What do you call a monster with 5 heads, 3 arms, and 7 feet?
I donβt know, thatβs why Iβm asking you.
π︎ 24
π
︎ Nov 06 2022
A quarterback was being interviewed only moments before the start of the game. The reporter had 3 quick questions: "Your favorite pizza? Your favorite Star Wars character? Your favorite non-football activity?"
His answers were just as brief:"Hut, Hutt, Hike!"
π︎ 139
π
︎ Oct 31 2022
Last night I had a really nice glass of wine. The label said they fermented the grapes in natural oak for 3 months and concrete for two. I asked the host, "why concrete?", but they didn't know.
I said, "I bet it's to cement the flavor."
True story. First post here!
π︎ 47
π
︎ Nov 06 2022
Why did mathematician wake up at 3:14 am?
He craved a pie.
Original:
He had to pi.
Edit://
Pi works better if you read them letter by letter, and in non-English so Iβm keeping both!
π︎ 90
π
︎ Oct 02 2022
My grandad died at exactly 3:45, and his grandfather clock stopped at exactly that time.
John: My grandad died at exactly 3:45, and his grandfather clock stopped at exactly that time.
Fred: That's amazing.
John: Not really. That's when it fell on top of him.
π︎ 263
π
︎ Sep 14 2022
I saw a snake that measured out to be 3.14 meters long.
Pretty sure it was a python.
π︎ 261
π
︎ Sep 11 2022
there are 3 moles tunneling their way into a bakery
The 1st one says "I smell caramel!"
The 2nd one says "I smell cinnamon!"
The 3rd one says "I smell molasses"
π︎ 292
π
︎ Sep 21 2022
3 Golf Clubs Walked Into A Bar
The putter ordered a beer, the wedge ordered some whiskey. The bar tender asked the third one if he wanted anything. He replied βno thanks, Iβm the driverβ
π︎ 1k
π
︎ Aug 23 2022
3 men walk into a bar
π︎ 14
π
︎ Oct 22 2022
My internet service was suspended because I gave a movie 3.14 stars on a movie review website.
They said that pi-rating stuff was illegal.
π︎ 2k
π
︎ Jul 29 2022
3.14 percent of sailors are
π︎ 54
π
︎ Oct 30 2022
What meat product should only be sold in packs of 3, 5, or 7?
π︎ 13
π
︎ Oct 26 2022
With the World Cup fast approaching I was asked to name 3 Qatari players.
βEasy,β I said. βJimi Hendrix, Eric Clapton and Jimmy Paige.β
π︎ 11
π
︎ Nov 19 2022
Yesterday, I got 3 drinks at the price of one
π︎ 10
π
︎ Nov 20 2022
I read an article about the guy who sings "Blinding Lights." He has 2 publicists, 3 full-time stylists, a social media manager, and a limo driver all on his payroll.
Seems like everybody's working for The Weeknd.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Oct 31 2022
I now only watch television at 1, 2, 3, 5, 7 and 11 o'clock.
π︎ 16
π
︎ Oct 06 2022
I sat on the couch earlier for 3 hours watching the tv and got bored
π︎ 11
π
︎ Nov 10 2022
A Mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says 'uno', 'dos' *poof*
He disapeared without a tres
π︎ 2k
π
︎ Jul 16 2022
Told my boss 3 companies are after me so I need a pay rise. He asked me which 3 companies they were.
π︎ 10k
π
︎ Jun 02 2022
What starts with a W, and has 3 letters, but ends with a T
π︎ 16k
π
︎ Mar 10 2022
What has 3 heads and 3 tails but no body?
π︎ 11
π
︎ Oct 30 2022
After being 3 months sober from drinking, I bought myself a motivational poster to keep my spirits up.
"You miss 100% of the shots you don't take." -Wayne Gretzky
π︎ 137
π
︎ Sep 17 2022
I guess you could say Lizzo flouted the 3/5th compromise
π︎ 8
π
︎ Oct 01 2022
3 unwritten rules of this sub
π︎ 4k
π
︎ May 24 2022
I measured my pet snake and he's 3.14159 meters long
π︎ 17
π
︎ Oct 23 2022
An Olympic runner adopted 3 kids named Seth, Mark and Onya
One day there was a fire and he shouted "" ONYA , MARK, GET SETH AND GO. "
π︎ 2k
π
︎ Jun 21 2022
Did you know Hellen Keller had 3 dollhouses and a swing set in her back yard?
π︎ 182
π
︎ Jul 21 2022
If you could describe me in 3 wordsβ¦
π︎ 3
π
︎ Oct 31 2022
My neighbor knocked on my door at 3 in the morning
Can't a guy play the drums without getting pestered
π︎ 8
π
︎ Oct 07 2022
World Series Game 3 got rained out today.
I thought It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Nov 01 2022
When I eat a rack of ribs I only eat ribs 2, 3, 5, 7 and 11
π︎ 1k
π
︎ Oct 05 2022
3 men walk into a bar
π︎ 255
π
︎ Sep 05 2022
Someone threw a bottle of Omega 3 pills at me!
Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil.
π︎ 629
π
︎ Jul 18 2022
I read an article about the guy who sings "Blinding Lights." He has 2 publicists, 3 full-time stylists, a social media manager, and a limo driver all on his payroll.
I guess everybody's working for The Weeknd.
π︎ 12
π
︎ Oct 31 2022
Why do teenage girls walk in groups of 3, 5, and 7?
Because they literally can't even.
π︎ 3k
π
︎ May 28 2022
I found a snake πthat was 3.14 meters long!
π︎ 26
π
︎ Sep 16 2022
Why do teenage girls walk in groups of 3, 5, and 7?
Because, they can't even.
π︎ 848
π
︎ Jul 04 2022
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