when my Dad was unemployed he used to hide money in the bushes in our garden...

He went on to become a successful hedge fund manager.

πŸ‘︎ 784
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tom-kek
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2021
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When does a joke become a dad joke?

When it become apparent

πŸ‘︎ 457
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sarcastic-being
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2021
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Maybe the reason why we say "Something smells fishy"

is we start to become sus-fish-cious.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mou_daijoubu_da
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2021
🚨︎ report
California is reducing management "bloat" by combining departments...

Henceforth, the California Highway Patrol and the Department of Fish & Wildlife will merge to become the Department of Fish & CHiPs.

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2021
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There are 3 men on a boat.

Each has a cigarette, but nothing to light it with.

So one man throws his cigarette into the water, and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ“…︎ May 13 2021
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I asked my kids, which Winnie the Pooh character would be best in battle?

Eeyore. Because in battle, he becomes a...

War Eeyore.

πŸ‘︎ 129
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Elnateo
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2021
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Last night I dreamt a pun so bad it woke me up.

Last night I dreamt I was turning my handwriting into a custom font.

It started out normal with basic straight lines but by β€œZ” it had become a very ornate and filigreed design, reminiscent of the designs of monks in old bibles.

Someone watching me work then asked me what the font was called.

I responded: What’s a monk’s favourite font?

They shook their head and shrugged.

Me: MonastArial!

I started laughing but only received an exasperated sigh in return.

Me: Wait, I’ve got another one. How about GaraMonk? 🀣

Ahhhhnd I woke myself up because I was laughing so hard at my own joke and had to look up of Monastarial was a real word. It is.

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/diablo_girl
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2021
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A man was driving down the road when his car breaks down near a monastery.

He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, "My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?" The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, and even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound. A sound unlike anything he's ever heard before.

The Sirens that nearly seduced Odysseus into crashing his ship comes to his mind. He doesn't sleep that night; he tosses and turns trying to figure out what could possibly be making such a seductive sound. The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, "We can't tell you. You're not a monk." Distraught, the man is forced to leave. Years later, after never being able to forget that sound, the man goes back to the monastery and pleads for the answer again. The monks reply, "We can't tell you. You're not a monk.” The man says, "If the only way I can find out what is making that beautiful sound is to become a monk, then please, make me a monk." The monks reply, "You must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of grains of sand. When you find these answers, you will have become a monk."

The man sets about his task. After years of searching he returns as a gray-haired old man and knocks on the door of the monastery. A monk answers. He is taken before a gathering of all the monks." In my quest to find what makes that beautiful sound, I traveled the earth and have found what you asked for: By design, the world is in a state of perpetual change. Only God knows what you ask. All a man can know is himself, and only then if he is honest and reflective and willing to strip away self deception."

The monks reply, "Congratulations. You have become a monk. We shall now show you the way to the mystery of the sacred sound." The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, "The sound is beyond that door." The monks give him the key, and he opens the door. Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone. The man is given the key to the stone door and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby. And so it went that he needed keys to doors of emerald, pearl and diamond. Finally, they come to a door made of solid gold. The sound has become very clear and definite. The monks say, "This is the last key to the last door." The man is apprehensive; his life's wish is behind that door! With trembling hands, he unlocks the door, turns the knob, and slowly pushes the door open. Falling to his knees, he is

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 55
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πŸ‘€︎ u/QualityProof
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2021
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My wife says I quote Linkin Park too much,

but I've become so numb to her hateful comments. I think she's given up at this point.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JackOnn42069
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2021
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Did you know your tongue can be a superhero?

Just bite it real hard and it will become Thor.

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2021
🚨︎ report
If I survive a zombie apocalypse and become a zombie dad...

Do my Dad jokes become Dead jokes?

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Abni_the_toad
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2021
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If a lobster gets in the way...

Does it become a lobstacle?

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/random_invisible
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2021
🚨︎ report
A relative low key joke. 241

How do you turn your tongue into a superhero? Just bite it hard and it'll become Thor.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/orcamarine
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2021
🚨︎ report
So the Pope is very early for his flight.

He asks his driver on his way to the airport if he could drive around for a while because they have time to kill and he hasn't driven a car since becoming the pope.

Naturally, he's a bit rusty, so he's driving poorly, when suddenly he sees police lights behind him. He pulls over and when the officer comes up to the window his eyes go wide. He says to the pope "Hold on for a minute," and goes back to his car to radio the chief.

Cop: "Chief we have a situation. I've pulled over an important figure."

Chief: "How important? A governor or something?"

Cop: "No sir. He's bigger."

Chief: "So, what? a celebrity or something?"

Cop: "More important, sir."

Chief: "A major politician?"

Cop: "No sir, he's much more important."

Chief: "WELL WHO IS IT!?"

Cop: "Well actually I'm not sure. But the pope's his driver."

πŸ‘︎ 69
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nightmuse11
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2021
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The big bad wolf converted to Buddhism and there was finally peace in the forest. But suddenly, the air was filled with screams of terror! A bear asked the animals running past him, "What's happening now?"

"The big bad wolf!" a goat shouted. "Is meditating!"

"So? Isn't that a good thing? questioned the bear.

"Noooo!" the goat bleated. "It's become aware wolf!"

πŸ‘︎ 378
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πŸ‘€︎ u/808gecko808
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2021
🚨︎ report
I got a gym membership today

& just in time. I had become so unfamiliar with the gym, I started calling it the James.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WetBlanketParty
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2021
🚨︎ report
When does a joke become a dad joke?

When the punch line becomes apparent.

*credit to the children’s librarian at the Louisville Public Library.

πŸ‘︎ 40
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πŸ‘€︎ u/static612
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2021
🚨︎ report
Singing in the shower is pretty fun.

Until you get soap in your mouth, then it becomes a soap opera.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GatoAmigo
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2021
🚨︎ report
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner...

You become a vacuum cleaner.

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DukeStamina
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you know when you are born, you have 4 kidneys?

When you grow up, two of them become adult knees.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DiamondChocobos
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2021
🚨︎ report
What will happen if british people will drink all the tea in the world

They will become briish

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/amitaish
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2021
🚨︎ report
Last week I fell from the stairs and hurt my ass, it's not got better still

It become a pain in the ass

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ABE_JA_BE
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2021
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What happens when a racer dies during a race?

It becomes a zooming death.

Sorry if its done before just thought of it.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2021
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Someone built a massive sheer mountain made out of tea leaves.

When it rains, its cliffs become steep.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Calthropstu
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the italian chef that died?

He pasta way. We cannoli do so much. Theres nutelling what can happen next... His legacy will become a pizza history. Here today, gone tomato. I can only espress-so much grief, but lettuce romaine calm. How sad that he ran out of thyme. Ashes to ashes, crust to crust. There's just not mushroom left for italian chefs in this world... Sending olive my prayers to his family. His wife is really upset, cheese still not over it... You never sausage a tragic thing. Its such a shame good people die fusilli reasons. It was a farfalle from grace... My condolences for Roberto, who died in the spaghetto. May he rest in yeastπŸ™πŸ»β€οΈ

Wow! Im so glad so many people laughed at this joke, I got so much happy feedback from everyone lol thank u sm for all the rewards and upvotes, my week couldnt get better!😁

πŸ‘︎ 18k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/iLoveRaviolis
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Canon fire

Know what you call a priest who becomes a lawyer? Father-in-law.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zu-den-sternen
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2021
🚨︎ report
If you rate the app Viber….

….You’ve now become a vibrator

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ash_bel
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2021
🚨︎ report
What happens when a cow goes out into a field in the summer?

It becomes pasteurized

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/techtornado
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2021
🚨︎ report
What happens when you burn pasta?

It becomes Al Dante

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/techtornado
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2021
🚨︎ report
Hey daddy- how do you know when a drink is sick?

It becomes cough-y.

-My 11 year son a few moments after I had coffee go down the wrong pipe and had a bit of a coughing fit.

proud dad noises

πŸ‘︎ 236
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πŸ‘€︎ u/knowthe_numbers
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2021
🚨︎ report
Momma always told me "you are what you eat!" So I started eating mushrooms every day.

I wanted to become a fun guy.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/-Masderus-
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2021
🚨︎ report
TIL: Humans are born with four kidneys

When they grow up, two of them becomes adult knees

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Not_obnoxious
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2021
🚨︎ report
How do you get a medical liscense in a cult?

You become in-doctor-nated

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CeleryHunter143
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2021
🚨︎ report
When does a dad joke become a dad joke?

What it becomes apparent

πŸ‘︎ 40
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Dizzle_662
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2021
🚨︎ report
When does a bad joke become a dad joke ?

When the punchline becomes apparent.

πŸ‘︎ 58
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2021
🚨︎ report
When does a joke become a dad joke?

When it becomes apparent

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kagiles530
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2021
🚨︎ report
How do you know if a joke has become a dad joke?

When it becomes apparent

πŸ‘︎ 42
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2021
🚨︎ report
When does a joke become a dad joke?

When it becomes apparent.

πŸ‘︎ 50
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nj23dublin
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2021
🚨︎ report
When Does a Joke Become a Dad Joke?

When it becomes apparent!

πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hypeaze
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2021
🚨︎ report
When does a joke become a dad joke?

When it becomes apparent.

πŸ‘︎ 61
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/daisylife
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2021
🚨︎ report
When does a joke become a dad joke?

When it becomes apparent

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Frank-Reynolds_
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2021
🚨︎ report
When does a joke become a dad joke?

When it becomes apparent

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nelsonic1990
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2021
🚨︎ report
When does a joke become a dad joke?

When it becomes apparent

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/evil_trash_panda
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2021
🚨︎ report
What makes a joke a dad joke?

When it becomes a parent.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GingerVlitus
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2021
🚨︎ report
The Chef at our local Italian Restaurant has died...

He pasta away

We cannoli do so much to help

His legacy will become a pizza history

Here today, gone tomato

Sending olive our prayers to the family

His wife, cheese still not over it

No more penne tration for her

πŸ‘︎ 50
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πŸ‘€︎ u/iNeedHealing24_7
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2021
🚨︎ report
When do jokes become dad jokes?

When they become apparent.

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Homofuckbro
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2021
🚨︎ report

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