16S Puns

"Damn that was a hard drive."

"I heard on Reddit that you need cake to get the car, ma."

You must be a Simpson then.

They have square roots.

At this rate, he will never be there on time.

“Wow!” I said. “Was it some big corporation?”

“No.” He replied, “I mowed the lawn in the cemetery.”

Smells like teen spirit

He got hit by a 4x4.

In our house It's really causing some division

Oops, wrong sub

Really big hands.

17

Literally just now he’s making chili and he pours in some frozen corn (beginning of the chili making process) and he tries a spoonful

Me looking from the other room: how’s it taste?

Him: cold

Me out of breath from running in at the speed of light: so it’s a little CHILI?

Him: get out

So I guess the difference is a matter of a pinion.

Four richer, four poorer, four better and four worse...

Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na, Batman

A square dance

Because it 8 and 8

I was 16 and at a rowing regatta I was competing in. It was middle of the day and very hot everyone was under these massive gazebo/tent structures with big guide wires and these huge rusty steel tent pegs sledgehammered into the dirt.

Anyways I was running late for my race and my crew were yelling at me so I started running. The shortest way was through the spectator area on a big downhill towards the water so at full pace I went that way.

About halfway the top of my barefoot trips on the rusted top of one of these steel pegs and I fall face first and tumble through the dirt with my foot and ankle split open.

People run from all directions, medical staff etc someone holds a towel over my head for shade and I see my dad. He's looking down at me but it's hard to see through the dirt in my eyes and people around.

He asks "bloody hell mate, what happened?".

In agony I manage a "I kicked a tent peg".

He knelt down beside me, looked me in the eye and said "how far did it go?"

The Wizard of Lb

I was microwaving some leftovers that happened to contain mushrooms, and I forgot to cover them. Naturally, they coated the inside of the microwave. I described it as a nuclear explosion, and my brother responds with "did it make a mushroom cloud?"

I was proud

Edit: typo

But most of them just have 4

Dad: Yikes, so now I understand your ... aroma. Can you resume washing your hair at least?

16-year old Daughter: I can't. I'm dreading my hair.

Dad: That makes two of us!

A melon addiction

He was making a pound cake

http://imgur.com/eJxt7Fb

They didn't like the crop.

Driving yesterday when a rabbit ran across the highway.. I joking said to my wife, I almost ruined Easter, I almost ran over the Easter Bunny. My 16 year old chimed in... nah dad you missed it by a hare.

He’s so bright, his father calls him Son.

I’m Müller’d!

then In walks Batman.

(Hint: periodic table)

I complained to the lady that that was last year's price.

She laughed after a few moments of confusion. Was nice to see the smile on her face.

Happy Monday!

He brought it home for me to sign. I guess his tan is more important to him. Help. How do I be square with him?

Multiply

When he rounds them up he has 20.

Driving home from his football game and I change lanes without signaling

Him: Hey you didn't use your turn signal, you could've killed us!

Me: But I didn't, and that's what counts...

Him: No, it's the thought that counts, and I thought you were gonna' kill us

I said "Good year!" He replied asking "Really?" I told him "Well, out of all the years during the 1600s, that was the 1!"

...to realize that the reason my dad laughed every time we had stroganoff was because he was really saying "strokin'off".

He still says it. Every time.

My son in the back seat says; "Dad Waze shows the speed limit is 65mph but we are we are going faster than that. Are you breaking the law by speeding? I had to slow down to let my wife take this picture because I replied "It's all going to be ok, Nationwide is by our side!"

At this rate, he will never be in class on time.

At this rate, he’ll never be in class on time.