My 5 year old just ran out of her room to tell me this joke she just thought up: what did the cow say after he was fed?
Moooooooooore!
I've never been this proud of anything in my life.
I got in a fight with 1, 3, 5, 7, and 9.
The odds were against me!
The beastie boys are releasing a 5 part anthology. Parts A through D are free.
You have to fight for your right to part E.
Do you know what 5 tow trucks would make?
my 5 year old hit me with this tonight.
What jiggles around when it flies in the sky?
A jellycopter
I am proud of my boy
The answer is 1.5, what is the question
When introducing himself, how many times will James Bond say his own name?
I ate 5 bowls of alphabet soup in the morning.
I just had the biggest vowel movement ever.
There was a murder among the number community, and we suspect it might have been committed by the 2, the 3, the 5 or the 7.
At least, those are the prime suspects.
Teacher: Daniel, if you had $5 in one pocket and $20 in the other, what would you have?
Daniel: Somebody else's pants.
Why did the Star Wars movies came out in the order 4, 5, 6, 1, 2, 3…?
Because "in charge of scheduling, the Yoda was."
When I was much younger, I got into a fight with 1, 2, 3, 5, and 7 and won. If I tried to fight them today, I'd lose.
I guess I'm not in prime fighting condition anymore.
5 ants rented an apartment with another 5 ants
My boss switched me from a 9-5 to a 9-8
I guess you could say it was a pretty big shift.
I broke up with my girlfriend of 5 years because I found out she was a communist...
I should've known, there were red flags everywhere
A slice of apple pie is $2.5 in Jamaica and $3.0 in the Bahamas.
These are the pie rates of the Caribbean :)
If a math teacher has 5 bottles in one hand and 6 in the other, what does she have?
The mailbox numbers on my street are 2, 3, 5, 7, 11, 13, 17, and 19.
The salesman at the furniture store told me, “This sofa will seat 5 people without any problems.”
I said, “Where am I going to find 5 people without any problems?”
Why do popular girls always go in groups of 3, 5 or 7?
My daughter informed me that the earth is tilted at a 23.5 degree angle
I responded, “That’s not right.”With a scowl, she pulled up google and proved to me that the earth is, in fact, tilted at a 23.5 degree angle.“Precisely,” I agreed. “If the angle were right it would be 90°.”
I saw an advert in a shop window for a television, it said “stuck on max volume, only $5”
I thought to myself, I can’t turn that down
When I eat a rack of ribs I only eat ribs 2, 3, 5, 7, and 11.
not only can my 5 year old daughter write her own name,she can write it backwards as well
I'm very proud of my little Anna.
My first dad joke with my 2.5 year old son!
I'm just chilling on the couch, scrolling through Reddit, when I land on a picture of an old warbird from WWII.
My son sees the plane.
My son: See plane! See plane!
Me: Nah. That's just a regular plane, buddy.
Why do popular girls walk in groups of 3, 5, and 7?
Because they so can not even.
I'm sorry. I'm really truly sorry that you just spent time reading this.
From my 5 year old daughter
What did the mommy toilet say to her baby toilet?
Don’t forget to eat your pea (s)
I studied my taxes for a way to stick it to those crooks at the IRS. I decided to replace every 9 with an 8, every 7 with a 6, every 5 with a 4, every 3 with a 2, and every 1 with a 0. It’s not cheating.
It’s just a way to even the odds.
Nothing’s better than being 2, 3, 5, 7, 11, 13, 17, 19, 23, 29, 31, 37, 41, 43, 47, 53, 59, 61, 67, 71, 73, 79, 83, 89, or 97 years old.
those are the PRIME years of your life.
What do you call 5 ants renting an apartment and invited their 5 friends over
The Beastie Boys announced an upcoming, 5-part anthology collection. You can get parts A, B, C, & D for free.
But you gotta fight for your right to Part E.
After 5 years of repair, The Big Ben is functioning again.
Thanks to everyone who were working….around the clock.
From my 5 year old: "What does Santa clean his sleigh with?"
Why do 20 year olds travel in groups of 2, 3, 5, 7 and 11? .
Because they are in their prime.
Guess a 5 letter word ending in rong.
5,000 lbs of methamphetamine seized. Good job meth lab!
A man takes his wife on a date to a 5 star restaurant
When the waiter asks for their order, the husband says, "I'll take a sloppy Joe."
The wife, mortified, looks at her husband and says, "Honey, this is a fancy restaurant."
The husband looks at the waiter and say, "Correction good sir. I would like to place an order for one unkempt Joseph."
5 ants rented an apartment with 5 5 other ants
5 ants rented an apartment with other 5 ants.
5 ants move into an apartment with 5 other ants
5 ants rented an apartment with another 5 ants
Five ants rent an apartment together with another 5 ants
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