Doggo do pun
π︎ 27
π
︎ Oct 23 2019
A Mexican magician told his audience he would disappear on the count of three. He says βUno...Dos...β *POOF*
...he disappeared without a Très
π︎ 19
π
︎ Feb 24 2021
I told my daughter, βGo to bed, the cows are sleeping in the field.β Puzzled, she asked, βWhatβs that got to do with anything?β I chuckled, "Well, that means..."
"Itβs pasture bedtime!β
π︎ 14k
π
︎ Mar 26 2021
What do you call a group of deaf people?
I don't know. But it is definitely not herd.
π︎ 7k
π
︎ Apr 02 2021
Where do you learn how to make ice cream?
π︎ 8k
π
︎ Mar 30 2021
What do you call a magician who loses his magic?
π︎ 11k
π
︎ Mar 12 2021
Waiter: βHow do you like your steak, sirβ?
Sir: βLike winning an argument with my wifeβ.
Waiter βRare it is!β.
π︎ 10k
π
︎ Mar 06 2021
My 6 year old told me this one today. Why do dogs carry bones in their mouths?
Because they don't have pockets.
π︎ 10k
π
︎ Mar 14 2021
What do you call a polar bear in the jungle?
π︎ 7k
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︎ Mar 04 2021
What do you call a bee that cannot make up its mind?
A maybe....
Courtesy of my 5 y/o daughter.
π︎ 1k
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︎ Apr 05 2021
So thereβs this Spanish magician. His main trick was performing a spectacular vanishing act. He said that heβd vanish on the count of three. βUnoβ βDosβ
And then he vanished, without a tres.
π︎ 61
π
︎ Nov 14 2020
How do you get a farm girl to like you?
π︎ 12k
π
︎ Feb 26 2021
What do you call a retired miner?
π︎ 994
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︎ Apr 03 2021
The trees around the house are starting to bud. I said to my wife, "Honey, do you know what happens when the trees leaf out?"
A look of hopeful curiosity washed over her as she fell into my trap. "No, what?"
"Very SHADY things."
It must've reminded her that she had something else to do that was very important.
π︎ 1k
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︎ Mar 30 2021
What do you call someone who can't stop watching films with strong female leads?
π︎ 10k
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︎ Mar 04 2021
If you want to weigh a whale you take it to a whale weigh station. So where do you go if you want to weigh a pie?
Somewheeere over the rainbow...
π︎ 262
π
︎ Mar 30 2021
What do you call 2 birds stuck together?
π︎ 8k
π
︎ Feb 21 2021
What do you say to warn your family you're about to test a new dad joke on them?
π︎ 3k
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︎ Mar 11 2021
What do you call a ghost chicken?
π︎ 467
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︎ Mar 27 2021
What kind of chairs do they use in Ireland?
π︎ 636
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︎ Mar 17 2021
What do you call a person with epilepsy laying on a bed of lettuce?
π︎ 222
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︎ Apr 02 2021
How do you make a Lamborghini?
You get a Sheeporghini and a Ramborghini to fall in love.
My 12-year-old daughter and I came up with this one together.
π︎ 1k
π
︎ Mar 14 2021
Why do cows wear bells?
Their horns donβt work.
π︎ 240
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︎ Apr 08 2021
What unit of measure do pirates use?
π︎ 343
π
︎ Apr 04 2021
Why do astronauts use linux?
because you can't open windows in space.
π︎ 10k
π
︎ Jan 27 2021
What does a clam do on his birthday?
π︎ 954
π
︎ Mar 16 2021
If April showers bring May flowers, What do May flowers bring?
π︎ 131
π
︎ Apr 02 2021
How do you find Will Smith in a snow storm?
You look for fresh prints
π︎ 10k
π
︎ Jan 26 2021
Yup I do as well
π︎ 384
π
︎ Mar 29 2021
Why do bouncers throw violent drunks out the back door?
Because they belong behind bars.
π︎ 8k
π
︎ Feb 16 2021
What do you call a murderer that can't stop farting?
π︎ 139
π
︎ Apr 08 2021
What do you call a dog without legs?
It doesn't matter what you call it, he's not coming.
π︎ 329
π
︎ Mar 20 2021
What do you call two octopuses that look the same?
π︎ 9k
π
︎ Jan 28 2021
Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns donβt work. π
(Courtesy of my 9 year old).
π︎ 149
π
︎ Apr 10 2021
What do you call a paper plane that doesn't fly ?
π︎ 286
π
︎ Apr 07 2021
Where do you park a camel?
At the Camelot
(My Egyptian fatherβs fav joke)
π︎ 266
π
︎ Mar 27 2021
What do you call a bunch of flies in a vacuum chamber?
Walks.
For those who didn't get it , it's okay , there's no pressure at all !
π︎ 246
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︎ Mar 23 2021
9yo shared this one with me: What do you call a cow who just had a baby?
De-calf-inated!
Edit: it's been pointed out some people pronounce calf as cΔlf, so its taking a second. Pronounce it like decaffeinated coffee.
π︎ 2k
π
︎ Feb 24 2021
Why do educated people tend to be hotter than uneducated people?
π︎ 244
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︎ Apr 02 2021
what do you call an american bee?
π︎ 623
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︎ Mar 18 2021
What do you call a fat psychic?
π︎ 909
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︎ Mar 09 2021
How often do pirate attacks occur?
π︎ 2k
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︎ Feb 02 2021
What do you get when you throw a piano down a mineshaft?
π︎ 157
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︎ Apr 03 2021
What do you call a priest who becomes a lawyer?
π︎ 1k
π
︎ Mar 04 2021
What do you call similar looking breasts ?
π︎ 106
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︎ Apr 04 2021
What does a robot do after sex?
π︎ 133
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︎ Apr 02 2021
What do pirates store their food in?
π︎ 83
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︎ Apr 07 2021
What do you call an Italian genie?
π︎ 214
π
︎ Apr 01 2021
A Spanish-speaking magician announced that would disappear on the count of three. "Uno...dos...." POOF!
He disappeared without a tres.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Nov 21 2020
Why do astronauts use linux?
Because they can't open windows
π︎ 144
π
︎ Apr 08 2021
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