Because they're all not 'C's.
A suicide boomer
"At a barking lot"
Because they're all not Z's
Constantine
you unzip its genes.
- everyone shakes head in disappointment or chuckles *
I'm drawing a blank...
They keep asking for dose dos
I’m on season eight. Still not sure what this has to do with security.
He says, “uno, dos..” and then POOF he disappeared without a tres…
The dad says, "Of course. Where do you think #2 pencils come from?"
Professor: Um, you know it’s May, right?
Student: Of course, so sorry! “May I do something to raise my grade?”
..do you just get exhausted ?
"Well son , now that you have got a kid of your own, i think it's time to give you this."
"Dad you don't mean-"
"Yes son ,i do" Dad pulls out the copy of 1001 Dad Jokes,5th Edition
"Dad... i am honoured..." , He says , tears sparkling in his eyes.
"Hi honoured" , replies his father , "i'm dad".
I'll show him. Just you wait.
Edit: Goodness, that blew up. My first awards, too!
I want to send out individual replies to thank everyone who gave me an award. I might do it later.
My favourite 'dad joke' is purposefully misunderstanding the kids and watching their disbelief as they try and reword things so even an idiot can understand. We have a family app so they need permission to download some apps onto their devices (because we are "controlling" 🙂).
So every now and then this will happen:
Child : Can I get an app?
Me : sure, if you're tired just go and lie down.
Child: no, an APP
Me: yes, lie DOWN
Child: No, I need an... I want a...I just want...an app.
Me: or an early night?
Child: weary sigh
Me: you do look tired
- thinking I'm the best joker in history*
That was a short version. If it didn't make sense, read it aloud.
The kids will put me in a home at the first opportunity.
Puzzled she asked, "What's that got to do with anything?
I chuckled, "Well that means....its pasture bedtime. "
A look of hopeful curiosity washed over her as she fell into my trap. "No, what?"
"Very SHADY things."
It must've reminded her that she had something else to do that was very important.
One says to the other, "do you know how to drive this thing?"
In my eyes, this sub has a serious problem with non-dadjoke posts. Sub-reddit rule #1 is "Jokes must be dad jokes.". What good are the rules if they aren't enforced? I do realize that what constitutes a dadjoke might not be clarely defined, but we get a lot of posts that are marked nsfw. That's a "This is not a dadjoke"-flag. Why not start with removing nsfw posts?
PS: Why do we have rule #6? It is not possible for a dadjoke to be nsfw, so it should never be relevant.
What did the hispanic who took 2 too many drugs say? Help i think I over(dos)ed
Cop: "Do you think I am stupid ? I can see you through the window."
Mee: "You are not coming in."
Cop: "I don't want to come in. I want you to step out of your car !!"
The principal asked his student. The kid replied, "D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir."
"Do you have a stutter?" the principal asked.
The student answered, "No sir, my dad has a stutter but the guy who registered my name was a real jerk."
"Do you smell fish?"
He pasta away
We cannoli do so much to help
His legacy will become a pizza history
Here today, gone tomato
Sending olive our prayers to the family
His wife, cheese still not over it
No more penne tration for her
Theres this Jewish man who has a son who leaves home and decides to convert to Christianity. He confides in his friend who goes “dude you’re not gonna believe this, my son did the same thing he left home, came back and was all of a sudden Christian.” They decided this problem was getting out of hand so they go see their Rabbi and ask him what to do. The Rabbi goes “you’re not gonna believe this my son also left home and converted to Christianity. This is getting out of hand we have to talk to God”. So they go to God and tell him their stories about how Christianity is running rampant through their community and ask for his guidance. God says “Guys you’re not gonna believe this.”
How do you breathe through that little thing?
"Do you sell flop flops?"
How long do you think it will take him to put his cabinet together?
Not sure what to do in the Mean Time.
Of corpse they do....
They prefer to do stand up
....Or do they take a while to develop ?
"… UNO! DOS!" *POOF* And he vanished without a Tres.
They do everything on porpoise.
Dads love saying ‘that was fast’ when someone leaves but returns straight away because they forgot something.
Dads love answering the phone ‘yelllllow’.
Dads love saying ‘they don’t make things like they used to’ whenever something breaks.
Dads love teaching kids how to play 52 card pickup.
Dads love saying ‘what’s the damage’ when handed a bill for something.
Dads love saying ‘pull my finger’ and farting when you do.
Dads love saying ‘Jeez Louise!’.
Do people who speak Spanish and German speaking Sperman?
I do
What do they do with the rest of the mole?
Shaggy's joints don't always turn out good, but Scooby's foodies do.
I said, “How do you know? You are not a doctor.”
He said, “Your shirt is wrinkled.”
He pasta way. We cannoli do so much. His legacy will become a pizza history. He sadly ran out of thyme.
