What's the name of that cool female friend who helps you pick up chicks?

Wing ma'am

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rare_Breed721
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2021
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My wife were talking about my swimming ability:

Her: "You're a pretty strong swimmer"

Me: "Yeah but I never learned butterfly stroke"

Her: "Butterfly? You just...wing it"

We both looked at each other and snickered like children.

Title Edit: "My wife and I were talking"*

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πŸ‘€︎ u/unwilling_pizza
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2021
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How do you fix BeyoncΓ©'s private plane

Put a wing on it

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FranticFridge
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2021
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A guy goes for a drive and his car stalls...

...right in front of a house where there’s a huge party going on. He walks in and notices that the party is somewhat divided. There’s a clear distinction between the people waiting for the bathroom and the people queued up for drinks, etc.

Considering the urgency of the bathroom queue, he walks over to the drinks table and asks everyone there if they wouldn’t mind helping him push his car to get it started. They agree but even with the full might of several people, the car doesn’t budge. He thanks them for trying and they all head back inside.

A little while later, the doorbell rings. The man sees the host open the door to the largest pizza guy he’s ever seen. The behemoth is holding 15 pizzas with one hand, a pallet of buffalo wings with the other, with a keg strapped to each shoulder. The man jumps up and asks the pizza guy for his help pushing the car. He agrees and they head to the street.

With barely one touch of a pinky on one hand, the car lurches forward and starts right up. The man drives off, waving behind him and yelling a quick, β€œThank you.”

As he catches sight of the party fading into the distance, he says to himself...

β€œThank goodness for the delivery because that punch line sure is weak.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/silashoulder
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
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Gnat Funny

So I figure this is a regular occurrence for people, and idk if anyone's posted about it before (if so my bad), but y'all ever get real worked up about gnats?

Like,

  • It's not a mosquit-hoe.
  • Still wants to bug me anyway.
  • Can't call 911, so who do you call? S.W.A.T.?
  • You can slap your knees as much as you want but it doesn't get any funnier.
  • You might wonder if the gnat's a bit buzzed.

Sorry if these puns are so bad they fly over your head. Sometimes you just gotta wing it. πŸ˜‰

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PunmasterRajeev
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2021
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If Sephiroth from Final Fantasy VII was involved with politics, he’d be a republican.

He’s all right wing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ActuallyNTiX
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
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My 4yo asked me

How does a bird learn how to fly?

They just wing it!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MB6990
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
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Do you think birds ever plan out their day?

Or do they just wing it?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/m_aurelius
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2020
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What did the bird say at his wedding

I'll wing it

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gary_mood
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
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What kind of a government would Authors form if given a chance?

An authoritative write winged government.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LaMusicista
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2020
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I once had to fly with no prior experience.

I had to wing it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/debateablyhuman
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2020
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Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica? Wonder no more !

It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualisticbird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life.

The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintain a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life.

If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into, and buried.

The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing:

"Freeze a jolly good fellow." "Freeze a jolly good fellow."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brucemoose1
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2020
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Why can’t you make a phone call in China?

There’s so many Wings and Wong’s, you might wing the wong number.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/speedpetez
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2020
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What was Icarus's favorite food?

Hot wings!

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2020
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My proudest dad joke

This actually happened a couple years ago, but I've decided to finally come out if lurking to share it here.

I was on a trip with some friends and we had stopped for lunch. We weren't very busy so my buddy and I shared a plate of wings and a couple pitchers of beer. When it came to pay, the bill was $20.01 (I don't remember how much it actually was, but it was an odd number) and we just split the bill down the middle. When we got our checks, his had the extra penny. We joked about him paying so much more, and so I said I would add an extra penny to my tip, plus one more penny to one up him.

Afterwards when we were walking out my buddy turned to me and said "do you think she'll she even notice?" I said "I like to think that she will notice and maybe chuckle at it. Besides pennies can add up and make a difference, but that's just my 2 cents"

I am not a dad yet. But I definitely feel the fatherly humor running through my veins.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kjc2022
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2020
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I wqs planning to make a joke about an aircraft's aerofoils, but then I thought...

"I'll wing it"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kishenoy
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2020
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This just happened at a softball game and didn’t get the props it deserved.

My son was playing with a fly. It’s wings were messed up so it couldn’t fly away. He was holding it and said, β€œDaddy, this fly’s wings are broke.” I said, β€œthen it’s not a fly, it’s a walk.”

I got utter silence from the people around me, though my daughter giggled a little.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/UmraTiwil
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2020
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Warning, this is a huge spoiler

https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0699/6735/products/mini-wing-spoiler_copy_x1400.jpg?v=1508404270

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Davilopy
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2019
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I was once in an airplane when I realized the pilot didn't pass any proper training

He was just winging it

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2020
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My dad told me to finish his bird painting. He painted the head, torso and legs.

To be honest, I just winged it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ryanooooo
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2019
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I think A Flock of Seagulls were really just trying to tell everyone how far it was to the country...

I hope their wings don't get too tired on the trip. I know I know... I'll see myself out.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RedditInThe90s
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2020
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I had this whole joke ready about birds but I forgot it.

I guess I have to wing it now.

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2019
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Why did the road cross the chicken?

"to get to the other wing"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MezianeMbe
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2020
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Scientifically a raven has 17 primary wing feathers.

The big ones at the end of the wing. These feathers are called pinion feathers. A crow has sixteen.

So, the difference between a crow and a raven is only a matter of a pinion.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/createsean
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2019
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Why is it so hard to call someone in China?

The country’s so full of Wings and Wongs that every time you Wing you get the Wong number.

Edit: I do not mean to offend anyone here. Just making a joke that I found in a Roald Dahl book.

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2019
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Why did Jordan Peterson’s plane crash?

Because the left wing was completely destroyed!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dandan_56
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2019
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If insects were psychoactive or intoxicating...

...I guess the new slogan would be:

"Friends don't let friends use bugs."

(Hey, I'm winging it here.)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spotted_Lady
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2018
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I did an experiment on flies...

There was a fly buzzing around my laboratory, so I decided to do an experiment. After 10 minutes, I was able to catch it. I set it on the table and said "Fly, fly". The fly flew away immediately after I released it. After another 10 minutes, I was able to catch it again. This time, I took a pair of tweezers and removed its wings. I said "fly, fly", but this time it didn't do anything once released. I was able to determine one thing: when you remove the wings from a fly, it becomes deaf.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chuckyocouch_
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2019
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Birds would make great improv comedians.

They're always winging it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lemmlemm
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2019
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Joke

[at friends house with like 9 dogs]

Me: hey what do you call a fly without wings

Friend: don’t do it

Me: a WALK

[drowns in tidal wave of dogs]

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kronos723
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2019
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My wife asked me if we should have wings for dinner?

I said, I don't know. You want to wing it?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/weggy2015
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2019
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What makes a butterfly flutter by?

Wings.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZonieDrew
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2019
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Can you add to my collection of stupid, quickfire joke?

What do you call a....

deer with no eyes? No idea

deer with no eyes and no legs? Still no idea

cow with no legs? Ground beef

donkey with three legs? A wonky

fish with no eyes? A fsh

fly with no wings? A walk

sheep with no legs? A cloud

What do you call a cheese that's not yours? Nacho cheese

What does cheese say when it looks in the mirror? Halloumi

What's the best cheese to...

hide a horse? Mask a pony (mascarpone)

get a bear out of a tree? Come on bear (camembert)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DJboomshanka
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2018
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A fastidious fry cook at a local friend chicken joint had a different cutting board for every part of the chicken....

One day he decided to get a whole new set of cutting boards from Acme Board Co. However, while doing prep for all-you-can-eat hotwings night, he dropped one of the boards and it shattered.

He said, "Well, back to the old raw wing board."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Danielaurence
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2019
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My chickens had a sudden change of leadership

Someone took the first leader's crown. I've heard complaints that he was winging every decision, running around like a headless chicken. He was probably too cocky to plan for coop attempts.

More on this as I find out information.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CoruscareGames
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2019
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I'm freaking out because I didn't study for my ornithology exam.

Guess I'll just have to wing it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BizzareCzar
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2019
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I was at KFC but I didn't know what to order.

I guess I'll just wing it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pun-isher42
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2019
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I would love to hang out with the Wright brothers

They seem like they would be great wing men

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VaiterZen
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2018
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My family were out at a Chinese restaurant last night...

Me: "I'll get the roast duck breast please"

Sis: "I'll have the duck legs"

Mom: "I'll get the fried duck wings"

Dad: "I'll get the bill"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/haymalb
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2019
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When regularly checking in on my bedridden girlfriend

I did my best owl impression, complete with hooting noises and flappy wings, whilst offering tea, backrubs and pillow fluffs. When she finally asked what I was doing I replied "my owly check".

I'd like to say the groan was due to ailment, but it was all me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Beardy_Will
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2016
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( X-post) Someone once asked me to make a joke about Detroit's hockey team.

I said I wasn't prepared and I would have to wing it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pun-isher42
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2018
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what was IcarusΒ΄ least favorite food

hot wings

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ag4vikingur2
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2019
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(X-post) Someone once asked me to make a joke about Detroit's hockey team.

I said I wasn't prepared and I would have to wing it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pun-isher42
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2018
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