A list of puns related to "X Files"
My friend was showing me the xfiles because I have never watched it, and during the first episode this coffin at a funeral slips and rolls down a hill and everyone chases after it.
Me "That funeral went downhill fast..." Her "...you're fucking joking right?"
Edit : Apparently not a funeral... exhuming a body. Wasn't paying attention but the sound of the coffin falling caught my attention.
It was easy because tigers are striped. I'm so sorry...
The first guy answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"
The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture I showed is his side profile."
Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second guy and asks him, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"
The second guy smiles, flips his hair and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!"
The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two?!!? Of course only one eye and one ear are showing because it's a picture of his side profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?"
Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third guy and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?
He quickly adds, "Think hard before giving me a stupid answer."
The third guy looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "The suspect wears contact lenses."
The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not.
"Well, that's an interesting answer. Wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to you on that."
He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file on his computer and comes back with a beaming smile on his face.
"Wow! I can't believe it. It's TRUE! The suspect does, in fact, wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?"
"That's easy..." the third guy replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear."
to file a complaint about the location of the well.
He came back with the cigarettes but told me he filed for divorce.
Hopefully this post is allowed. 5 or so years ago, I decided to post puns that I either came up with or enjoyed a lot. My goal was to make it easy to find puns based on a topic or subject. So I heavily tagged all of the entries with relevant information. I've consistently uploaded new puns on at least a weekly basis, but usually every 3 days.
I've amassed a large collection that I've decided to open source. I've dumped my database into a JSON file that is open and free to use (with proper attribution).
Let me know what you think!
https://punatorium.com/opun
I think I'll label it the "Ex-Files"
A pdf-file
They think audio files are inferior!
Why did the coffee file a police report
It got mugged
I told him to file them as Mussollaneous.
She was filing suits.
Audiofilephile.
What do you call a database of people who love sound equipment?
Audiophile file.
What do you call someone who loves a person who loves to store digitally storing music?
Audiofilephilephile.
To which I replied: But what if I like being filed?
Because they single file to hide their numbers.
In other words, a pedi-file.
https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0699/6735/products/mini-wing-spoiler_copy_x1400.jpg?v=1508404270
This might work.
Because it was a peta-file
I asked her never to bring pedi files into our house again.
A PDF File
Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.
What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.
How many apples grow on a tree? All of them.
Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it's tearable.
I just watched a program about beavers. It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.
How does a penguin build it's house? Igloos it together.
Dad, did you get a haircut? No I got them all cut.
What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car? Carlos.
Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don't think they'll fit me.
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
Why don't skeletons ever go trick or treating? Because they have no body to go with.
Ill call you later. Don't call me later, call me Dad.
What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter? An irrelephant
Want to hear a joke about construction? I'm still working on it.
What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho Cheese.
Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired.
What did the grape do when he got stepped on? He let out a little wine.
I wouldn't buy anything with velcro. It's a total rip-off.
"Why wasn't the document allowed at the children's party?"
Because he was a PDF File!
The church recently filed to be a non-prophet organization.
Do pot dispensaries file joint tax returns?
He filed my taxes late again.
It was an audio file.
They asked for something to get rid of them, but I won't allow my children anywhere near a pedi-file.
A duck got a job at a farm, where there was a chicken who ran the place. The chicken was delighted to have the duck join his crew, he personally took the duck around the place and introduced him to all the other farm animals. At the end of the tour the duck asked a question. Duck: Is there anything I should avoid doing here? Chicken: Don't cross the road, you'll never hear the end of it.
Bonus: http://blog.rafihecht.com/files/2013/02/chicken-crossing-road.jpg
Because we don’t wants to preserve pedal files.
It was the top secret file.
X-Filed.
The pedo files
My mom made stuffed peppers with with Shepherd's pie ground beef instead of stuffed pepper mix. So my dad goes... "I guess these are Shepherd's Peppers!"
He couldn't wait to spit that one out and had a great big laugh. Then told it again because my mom wasn't in the room.
Edit.. I don't think some people know the food involved. Stuffed peppers are these. And shepherds pie is this
My kids are angry and my wife is filing for divorce.
It said I needed to install a new copy of Word-- but when I did, the file type was no longer compatible. I actually had to copy and paste it from a window of the old Word to a window of the new Word.
You were probably expecting a pun in this story, but there isn't one-- just a little play on Words.
Consequently, the nun wearing it filed assault charges against me.
All the files were deleted.
Instructor: "Everyone can access their student website right? There's a huge file thats hard to pass through the website"
Me: "Have you tried using a laxative?"
Here's my first shitpost.
Friend: sigh. I can’t believe they charge me $25 to automatically file my state return. Anyway, love you dad hope you’re having an OK day :) Dad: thanks. Love you W-2.
A PDF file .
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