22 Hilarious Withdrawment Puns

So I wanted to withdraw some money.

Have to try again later because for some reason I can‘t ATM.

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👤︎ u/PEKKACHUNREAL

📅︎ Dec 16 2020

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What do you call a person who is having withdrawals after stopping using drugs?

Lack-dose intolerant.

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👤︎ u/Sande24

📅︎ Sep 08 2020

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Withdrawal some blood

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👤︎ u/shaun16player

📅︎ Oct 19 2019

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I can't stop taking money out of every cash machine I walk past...

Doctor has diagnosed I'm suffering from withdrawal symptoms.

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👤︎ u/VERBERD

📅︎ Nov 06 2020

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Penny for your thoughts?

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👤︎ u/Devanshi1618

📅︎ Aug 09 2019

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What do you get when you cross a cat with an octopus?

A visit from the ethics department and immediate withdrawal of your funding.

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👤︎ u/sikkerhet

📅︎ Aug 01 2020

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I decided to withdraw all my money in my bank account into coins

I really need some change in my life

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👤︎ u/TheBritishSnob

📅︎ Mar 27 2019

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Did you hear about the ATM that got addicted to money?

It suffered from withdrawals.

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👤︎ u/Rav4xle

📅︎ May 25 2020

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Withdrawing some money! imgur.com/kNfQDK6

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👤︎ u/Chaossprite

📅︎ Oct 10 2016

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ATM message after a failed Comedian tried to withdrawal from his account-

"Cannot withdrawal, insufficient puns."

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👤︎ u/king9510

📅︎ Jun 11 2017

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Severe withdrawal from not reading Mark Twain

Delirium Clemens

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👤︎ u/brainbanana

📅︎ Mar 16 2013

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When my kids are old enough to start attending school, I play on withdrawing them after day one.

I refuse to let them receive anything less than a first class education.

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👤︎ u/sykilik101

📅︎ Oct 20 2016

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What's the reverse of withdrawing money from your account?

Deopposite

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👤︎ u/Hispanicatth3disc0

📅︎ Apr 20 2014

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I had a habit of excess masturbation but I'm glad I was able to beat it.

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👤︎ u/devmittal_civ16

📅︎ Jul 12 2019

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Daughter: "That armored truck looks like an ambulance."

Me: "That's because it transports money going through withdrawals."

She hated that one so much I nearly wept with joy.

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👤︎ u/writenroll

📅︎ Oct 13 2018

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What's the hardest part about being addicted to banking?

The withdrawals.

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👤︎ u/GrayingMantis

📅︎ Mar 11 2017

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What’s the worst part about going bankrupt?

Dealing with the withdrawals...

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👤︎ u/PostCucumber

📅︎ Apr 02 2018

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I'm addicted to having money in my bank account.

I suffer from withdrawals.

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👤︎ u/evilgeekwastaken

📅︎ Mar 30 2016

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Sometimes going to the bank feels worse than quitting heroin did.

I get cash withdrawals.

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👤︎ u/scotscott

📅︎ Jun 21 2017

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Dadjokes at the bank.

Me (bank teller): "Hi, what can I do for you?"

Customer: "I'd like to make a deposit and if you could withdrawal some warm weather and deposit the cold I'd be happy with that too!"

The man then looked down at his kid who was grinning from ear to ear and gave him a high five. Had a nice chuckle after that one.

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👤︎ u/Ahain

📅︎ Jan 06 2014

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I don't have any kids, but does this mean I'm a dad now?

So I was at a friend's wedding yesterday (her last name actually was Friend) but anyway, it was a really fancy wedding on a boat. Well another friend (not related to the Friends) and I were sitting down waiting for things to start when I realized that I forgot to take my medicine that morning. I explained to friend 2 that one of the withdrawal symptoms is extreme dizziness and that soon I wouldn't be able to tell whether the water was rough or if it was just my medicine. A few minutes later, friend 2 looked to me and said, "You know, I think I'm in the same boat as you. I forgot to take my medicine this morning too." To which I replied, "You are in the same boat as me."

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👤︎ u/oddark

📅︎ Jun 07 2015

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My dad's amazing golf pun

My family (Canadian) were talking about the PGA and the golfer Dustin Johnson became the subject of discussion. For anyone who doesn't follow golf, Johnson has come under some scrutiny lately for:

Failing drug tests, leading him to withdraw from the PGA tour.
Allegedly cheating on his girlfriend Paulina Gretzky (daughter of the hockey player Wayne Gretzky)

My dad then cracks this one:

"Looks like he's no longer in the PG, eh?"

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👤︎ u/plith

📅︎ Aug 05 2014

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