Your undergraduate diploma was a complete waste of money, you should throw it in the fire.

That's a first degree burn.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/KW-DadJoker
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 28 2021
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All that thyme and effort wasted
๐Ÿ‘︎ 25
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/natnat301
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
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I bought a new clock. Total waste of money.

Itโ€™s spends all day doing tik toks.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/bigpapastu
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
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I bought a ceiling fan the other day.. COMPLETE WASTE OF MONEY!

He just stands there applauding and saying โ€œOoh, I love how smooth it isโ€

๐Ÿ‘︎ 468
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/FlintTheDad
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 03 2020
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Most people told me learning sign language was a waste of time

But I find it to be a pretty handy skill

๐Ÿ‘︎ 23
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Ham-cum-rewritten
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
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I canโ€™t believe I wasted all my time trying to help rearrange the vending machines at my local grocery store...

Iโ€™ve been moving them around all day but they still say they are โ€œOut of Orderโ€

๐Ÿ‘︎ 55
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/FinalCaveat
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 22 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Did you know Bruce Banner disposes 95% of his waste in an environmentally friendly way?

Yes, heโ€™s pretty green.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Inspector--Warp
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
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Unpealievable..
๐Ÿ‘︎ 3k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/wiz93
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
My mom played the clarinet in high school. She mentioned she wanted to play again, but doesn't have the money to waste on it. I ordered one for her birthday and left her a subtle clue.
๐Ÿ‘︎ 1k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/MetalJunkie101
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 26 2020
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well reading this wasn't such a waste of time
๐Ÿ‘︎ 48
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/sssuuurrreeee
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 31 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Wasted genius
๐Ÿ‘︎ 194
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/_barjo
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 04 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Why is it wasteful to eat a clock?

Because it's time consuming.....

๐Ÿ‘︎ 17
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/FatBlueJay
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 24 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Did you hear about the sentry for the waste water treatment plant?

He has guard doody!

๐Ÿ‘︎ 7
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/thomasbrakeline
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 28 2020
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To reduce waste, our city has told food truck drivers they must donate all unsold items each night.

I applaud the effort, but given how little space the trucks have in the first place, it seems like there's really not much room for waste to begin with. So, I've gotta ask...

How much food would a good truck chuck if a food truck could chuck food?

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/zekesnack
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 23 2020
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Wasted 4 hours in the ER this morning getting a mole checked out.

Apparently they all look the same and I should have left it in the yard.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 35
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Whlightning
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 22 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Those who waste whisky ...

Simply don't give a dram.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 8
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/drozzi007
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 02 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
My humour is wasted on 9gag
๐Ÿ‘︎ 29
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ASweatyBard
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 03 2020
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I made a steak with herbs

But it was a waste of thyme

๐Ÿ‘︎ 7
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๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 26 2021
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What do you get when you eat 3.14 cakes?

You get fat. What, were you expecting a pi joke? Reddit doesnโ€™t have pie days!

๐Ÿ‘︎ 12k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/TheBudderBomb
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 18 2020
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I was with my friend Philip and we had a lot of waste we needed to dispose of.

"Where's the nearest landfill?" I asked.

"There's land everywhere," he replied.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 7
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/TommehBoi
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 24 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
My wife sent me a heartwarming text that read, โ€œIf you're sleeping, send me your dreams. If you're laughing, send me your smile. If you're eating, send me a bite. If you're drinking, send me a sip. If you're crying, send me your tears. I love you!โ€

I replied, โ€œI'm on the toilet, please adviseโ€ฆโ€

๐Ÿ‘︎ 16k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/madazzahatter
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 15 2020
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What kind of a prize do you give someone who hasn't moved a muscle in a year?

A trophy.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 12k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/TerroristOgre
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 05 2020
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Just happened a few minutes ago. Whilst wrapping an easel for our daughter my better half said "how am I going to wrap this?" I replied "Easely". Not even a smile :( wasted talent here.
๐Ÿ‘︎ 9k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/dannyp433
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 21 2018
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My wife just threw away my favourite herb.

She's such a Thyme waster

๐Ÿ‘︎ 11k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/CMDR_Gungoose
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 03 2020
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The other dads in my Zoom meeting today may have been a bit jealous. I mentioned how my adolescent daughter has been so generous and nice during quarantine while I use the family computer for work, instead of her wasting time all day, watching YouTube. I have to say,

I'm glad to have the no-vid kind teen.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/xxUsernameMichael
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 27 2020
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My Brilliant Humor is Wasted on the Young

This happened today.

I'm at park/playground with my kid. He's playing, I'm throwing a ball for my dog.

Three little girls, maybe around 10 years old, run up. "Can we pet your dog?"

Me, "Sure, would you like to throw the ball for her?"

One of the girls takes the thrower and chucks the ball. It goes a long way.

Me: "Wow, great throw!"

Girl: "I've got my dad's arms."

Me (already laughing on the inside): "Really? What does he use?"

They stare at me.

Sigh.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 7k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/paul99501
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 24 2018
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I believe y is up
๐Ÿ‘︎ 3k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Punyae3671
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 02 2020
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I run out of toilet paper...
๐Ÿ‘︎ 6k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Dirt_T
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 21 2020
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Why fart and waste it...

..When you can burp and taste it. (My friend's dad said this)

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/dovydasmusic
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 13 2020
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The Orions Belt is a Big Waste of Space

I'll Admit that was a bad joke Just 3 Stars

๐Ÿ‘︎ 14
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/XxxchipyxxX_alt
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 23 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
So I overclocked my phone...
๐Ÿ‘︎ 47
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Codyjames34526
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
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My dad: You know what they say... A Mayan is a terrible thing to waste. Me: Who says that?

My dad: Not the Spanish!

๐Ÿ‘︎ 5
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Brainsonastick
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 08 2020
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Donโ€™t wanna waste time
๐Ÿ‘︎ 33
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/im_mister_meeseeks1
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 16 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Just cleaning out the fridge and found this dried up and shrivelled behind the egg tray. What a waste.
๐Ÿ‘︎ 6
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/JediWithBenefits
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 26 2019
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I hate reading puns about herbs. Seriously! They are such a waste of thyme...
๐Ÿ‘︎ 13
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/MonkeyingAround604
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 09 2019
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Below the waste...
๐Ÿ‘︎ 47
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/BrewsTravelers365
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 17 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
So I can legit ride a unicycle. My mom told me it was a waste of time and would never get me anywhere in life....

I said โ€œno mom! Where thereโ€™s a wheel, thereโ€™s a way!โ€

๐Ÿ‘︎ 454
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/serion15
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 30 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
My wife says that I wasted money by ordering a 3 meter wide frame for our wedding photo.

Well, I think she should look at the bigger picture.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 170
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/sodomicity
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 11 2019
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Gabe had a heavy load this semester

Math, physics, comp sci. The only easy class was "The American Century." Open book midterm and final, so he wasn't going to do any of the reading all semester.

โ€œItโ€™s a huge waste of time, Dad,โ€ he laughed when I objected. โ€œIโ€™m not learning a damn thing in the class.โ€

โ€œWell, then youโ€™re just going to have to take that class over again,โ€ I snapped at him.

โ€œWhat are you talking about?โ€ he yelped.

โ€œYou know why, Gabe,โ€ I said. โ€œThose who donโ€™t learn from history are condemned to repeat it.โ€

๐Ÿ‘︎ 12
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/cja1968
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
The guy I asked for directions from wasted no time helping me.

He was straight to the point.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/JayDeeVeeYes
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 02 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
If I attached a watch to my belt....

It would be a waste of time.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 5
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/stupidsexyf1anders
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
the title is here to waste time
๐Ÿ‘︎ 43
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/GreenGamer7
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 26 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Obituary for the Pillsbury Dough Boy, Pop N Fresh

The Pillsbury Doughboy, remembered best as "Pop N Serve", and/or "Pop N Fresh", died yesterday of a severe yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.

Doughboy will be buried in this lightly greased coffin.

Dozens of celebrities will turn out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch.

The grave site is expected to be piled high with flours.

Aunt Jemima will deliver the eulogy and lovingly describe Doughboy as "a man who never knew how much he was kneaded".

Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers.. He was considered a very smart cookie, but wasted much of his dough on half-baked schemes.

Despite being a little flaky at times, he still was a crusty old man and was considered a positive roll model for millions.

Doughboy is survived by his wife, Play dough, three children: John Dough, Jane Dough and Dosey Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop tart.

The funeral will be held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 6
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Eyes_and_teeth
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 18 2020
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Opportunity wasted
๐Ÿ‘︎ 12
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/murse_joe
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 31 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Cashier at Publix asked if we wanted the milk in a bag...

I told her to please leave it in the jug.

My wife eye-rolled SO hard and then apologized to the cashier :D

The cashier was laughing though, so I'll take the win.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 113
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/LS-CRX
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 19 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
The 5 stages of butter
๐Ÿ‘︎ 5k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/thinkingamer
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 16 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Why does the older generation hate the young lazy kids

They didn't do anything, to deserve that

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/your_username_sux
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report

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