Unembellished Puns

[Link to cover art]

Who exactly is Macy Blush? Now you can find out.

Due to popular demand, Macy Blush—the renowned romance author beloved in both the realms of Faerûn and Reddit—has penned the highlights of her life story as a collection of brief essays. From her time adventuring to a career in penning amorous tomes, this inside look into Macy Blush’s history and personality is sure to thrill, titillate, and throb your heart and mind.

Trigger Warnings: fantasy violence, language, mild sexual content

Available on Kindle and Kindle Unlimited

I was told that some companies are photoshopping their models to be thinner/smoother etc but leaving things like stretch marks scars and moles or even adding them back on. This tricks customers who might normally choose brands that are body positive to choose the tricky companies instead.

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

I like to think that maybe there are books on the songs of the Giants, or cool descriptions of CotF magic examples. The true stories unembellished from the Age of Heroes. It would definitely be neat if some Ranger had written a little zoology book about direwolves and shadowcats and mammoths, or a history of powerful skinchangers and a list of their animals.

>Before him, tall wooden shelves rose up into dimness, crammed with leatherbound books and bins of ancient scrolls.

>Sam yawned. "Maester Aemon sent me to find maps for the Lord Commander. I never thought... Jon, the books, have you ever seen their like? There are thousands!"

>He gazed about him. "The library at Winterfell has more than a hundred. Did you find the maps?"

There is a bit of mention that the library at Winterfell has some rare documents that are extremely old, and as an ancient castle of the North it’s fair to assume there are some interesting works there. But this library of one of many castles of the NW alone has thousands, and this isn’t an extremely literate order. Nor have the maesters been around for its entirety.

>This," he said reverently, "is the account of a journey from the Shadow Tower all the way to Lorn Point on the Frozen Shore, written by a ranger named Redwyn. It's not dated, but he mentions a Dorren Stark as King in the North, so it must be from before the Conquest.

>[Sam] shuffled the scrolls about aimlessly. "There's more maps. If I had time to search... everything's a jumble. I could set it all to order, though; I know I could, but it would take time... well, years, in truth."

>"The important books used to be copied over when they needed them. Some of the oldest have been copied half a hundred times, probably."

>"I found drawings of the faces in the trees, and a book about the tongue of the children of the forest... works that even the Citadel doesn't have, scrolls from old Valyria, counts of the seasons written by maesters dead a thousand years..."

Besides the Jade Compendium it sounds like there could be some really fascinating stuff down there, and lots of it. Freaking Valyrian scrolls?? But what and why and when? Any fun thoughts or hopes on what could be down there?

Do your worst!

i told my husband i wouldn’t stay in a relationship that made me feel like shit about myself. i also said i refused to live the rest of my life initiating every difficult conversation and intimate moment. i explained i needed him to be proactive. i needed him to make me feel wanted. if he couldn’t do that, i would leave.

of course, nothing changed, and i realized it never would. so we’re getting divorced. he took it really well, actually. i was thinking he must’ve been planning on telling me he wanted out, too, until i heard him having a private, emotional moment later that night.

we’re young and still building ourselves up financially, so we’re still living together (and still sharing a bedroom - not that i imagined that would be an issue anyway, considering it wasn’t a terribly romantic space to begin with)… it was fine at first, but i’m quickly tiring of having to share space with a man who once recoiled from my touch. i’ve started to move forward with my life and the way i perceive myself, so climbing in bed with him at the end of the day feels like an energetic black hole that brings my progress back a few steps.

i’ve had one tentative experience with a new partner since the separation, and i… i can’t even put into words what a difference it makes when you can see someone’s want for you in their eyes. i had previously pulled all manner of strappy, silky, lacy things into place just for my husband to let out an exhausted sigh when seeing them. he would always follow it up with a compliment, to be fair, and then an explanation of some incredibly urgent business he couldn’t postpone, like emptying the dishwasher. i would be left to untangle myself, stuff it all in the back of a drawer, and eventually into the trash. so when i only had my every day, plain jane, unembellished, cotton underthings to wear to meet my new gentleman friend, i wasn’t expecting any reaction at all. being told over and over how sexy i looked was unbelievable, but hearing the real, primal desire in those words (the kind of desire i‘d never had returned before) was euphoric.

the sex itself was all the confirmation i needed to know i’m not some disgusting, perverse monster for wanting intimacy (once upon a time) with my ex husband. it’s not unrealistic to believe your partner should want to fuck you, make love to you, have sex with you. it’s not unrealistic to want to be wanted.

i know this sub is about supporting individuals who have higher libidos than their significant o

They were cooked in Greece.

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

It really does, I swear!

Because she wanted to see the task manager.

Heard they've been doing some shady business.

but then I remembered it was ground this morning.

Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me that my jokes aren't stale

Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments

BamBOO!

They’re on standbi

A play on words.

Pilot on me!!

My daughter, Chewbecca, not so much.

Christopher Walken