U Bolt Puns

Nuts and Bolts. ⛈

The news was a bolt from the purple!

He's great, as soon as I got home he made a bolt for the door.

He nuts and bolts!

Edit: wow! My first Silver. You guys are amazing.

...but apparently they bolt those things to the wall.

As soon as he got home he made a bolt for the door.

Thought this fit here. Saw it on r/jokes from u/jimathay

We did, and within an hour he'd made a bolt for the door

"You're nuts!" and bolts.

As soon as I got him home he made a bolt for the gate.

...I feel like The Flash, because I too, am enlightening Bolt.

Three brothers are trick or treating near a shady house. Suddenly, a spider appears on the first brothers arm causing him to scream in shock. This causes the second brother to run away in fear only to get hit over the head by a dead tree branch. The third brother tries to escape but trips over a coffin. Filled with fright, the three brothers decide to go back home before they are stopped by a ghost that informs them, “The items you have encountered today will kill you in exactly 20 years.” and vanishes into thin air. Understandably, the three brothers were terrified out of their wits and ran back to their house.

20 years later on Halloween, the first brother has booby trapped and spider-proofed his entire house. Unfortunately, he accidently runs into a wall causing a black widow to fall on his arm and killing him.

The second brother has prepared for many years and made sure that he was nowhere near any trees. However, he somehow miscalculated by one day and was killed when a lightning bolt struck a tree causing it to fall and crush him.

The third brother completely forgot about the ghost’s warning and was having dinner with his wife. His allergies were really acting up that night, so he decided to go to a pharmacy to purchase some allergy medicine. Suddenly, without any warning, the entire store goes dark and a giant coffin appears in front of him, opens up, and starts moving towards him. Remembering his frightful Halloween over 20 years ago, the brother starts desperately throwing everything in sight towards the coffin but to no avail. Now there is nothing else left other than a lone bottle of NyQuil. In one last brave attempt, the brother throws the bottle of NyQuil at the coffin and it miraculously vanishes.

Because NyQuil keeps the coffin’ away.

A doctor is driving home one night along a lonely road when a rabbit suddenly bolted in front of his car. The doctor swerved and tried his best to stop, but it wasn't possible and the car hit the bunny.

He immediately pulled the car to the side of the road and got out to see if he could help the poor bunny. It didn't look good. He raced back to the car to retrieve his bag, but realized almost instantly that he was driving his wife's car and so his bag wouldn't be there.

He frantically rooted through the glovebox, trying to find gauze or water - anything that could be useful. He found a bottle of what he expected was water and brought it back to where the bunny was laying. With great care, he poured a cap full and let the bunny drink.

To the doctor's amazement, the rabbit sprang back to life - jumping up on his hind legs and wiggling his tail. He smiled at the doctor and waved as he began to prance back toward the woods. He hopped a couple of feet, paused, turned and waved again. Hopped another few feet, turned and waved yet again. He reached the edge of the trees and again, he turned and waved at the doctor.

Stunned, the doctor brought the bottle up to the light to see what magic potion he had discovered. Squinting his eyes, he read the label aloud, "Hair restorer with permanent wave".

Nut and bolt

A man swings his club and fails to hit the ball.

Man: God damnit, I missed.

A nun shakes her head in disapproval. The man swings again and misses yet again

Man: Damnit, I missed again!

Nun: Sir, if you keep on swearing like that, you're gonna go to hell.

The man then laughs and dismisses the nun's comment. He makes one more attempt at hitting the ball, but to no avail.

Man: God fucking damnit!

The sky then goes dark, a lightning bolt strikes the nun, and you can hear a thundery voice say, "God damnit, I missed."

It was a bolt decision.

First thing he did when I got him home was make a bolt for the door.

Me: I think I measured wrong. The toggle bolts aren't lining up with the darned holes. Man, I really screwed this up.

Her: Did you........make a pun?

Me: concentrating on the task at hand Huh?

Her: Never mind.

Me: gets it Ha! No, but that's awesome! "Screwed" it up. Ha! You're a PunMaster!

Her: You're a dork.

If you’re doing dangerous work on a platform that’s held together by screwed in bolts, then your life is hanging by a thread.

U sain my bolt?

...because as soon I got it home, it made a bolt for the door!

(Blacksmiths make bolts for doors)

Credit: Random Contestant on Forged in Fire

But as soon as I got it home it made a bolt for the door

Right away when we got home he made a bolt for the door.

I bought a dog from a blacksmith. We were not home ten minutes and he made a bolt for the door!

When I got it home it made a bolt for the door

As soon as I got him home he made a bolt for the backdoor

AS SOON AS I GOT HIM HOME HE MADE A BOLT FOR THE DOOR

As soon as I got him home he made a bolt for the door.

He nuts and bolts

Got home last night and it had made a bolt for the backdoor.

He Nuts & Bolts

As soon as we got him home, he made a bolt for the door

Because as soon as you take the dog home it makes a bolt for the door.

When I got him through the door he made a bolt for it.

As soon as I got him home, he made a bolt for the door.

I only had him 3 hours and he made a bolt for the door.

As soon as a got him home he made a bolt for the door.

as soon as I got home, it made a bolt for the door.

He nuts and bolts.

But as son as I got him home, he made a bolt for the door.

Nut and bolt

As soon as I got him home, he made a bolt for the door.

I bought a dog from a blacksmith once. As soon as I got home it made a bolt for the door.

As soon as I got him home he made a bolt for the door

As soon as I got him home he made a Bolt for the Door.

When I got in he made a bolt for the door