What does a two year old call a handsome frog in a tuxedo?

A Heartfrob!

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/SansThWildCardFool
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 16 2021
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The owner of the tuxedo store kept hovering over me when I was browsing, so I asked him to leave me alone.

He said, โ€œFine. Suit yourself.โ€

๐Ÿ‘︎ 14k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/porichoygupto
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 14 2020
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What is the difference between a man in a tuxedo riding a bicycle and a bum on a tricycle?

Attire

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/NeGuy1
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 01 2021
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I started going to the gym in my tuxedo, everything went well except the weight lifting...

Is not my strong suit.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/walkingnottoofast
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 13 2020
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What do you call Simba in a tuxedo?
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Cypheur
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 21 2020
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What did the knife say to the tuxedo?

Lookin sharp

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๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 21 2020
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I didn't get the job as a tuxedo model

They said I was unsuitable.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ChargingTiger
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 29 2019
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A southern gentleman shows up for his vasectomy wearing a tuxedo

The doctor asks "why are you dressed like that?"

"If I'm going to be impotent, I want to look impotent."

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/you_buy_this_shit
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 26 2019
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My son showed me his new Tuxedo

I was suitably impressed.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 5
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Computant2
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 21 2019
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What is the difference between a man on a bicycle wearing a tuxedo and a man on a unicycle wearing shorts and a tee shirt?

Attire.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/SubSum87
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 06 2019
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Do Penguins Have Knees?

Or just Bee's Knees suits?

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/stupidmentat
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 17 2020
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Never get a tuxedo made out of playing cards.

It'll never suit you.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/TheSFG832
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 07 2019
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I was shopping for a tuxedo, and I had to tell the pushy salesman to leave me alone.

He said, โ€œFine. Suit yourself.โ€

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/porichoygupto
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 09 2018
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My buddy has to wear a tuxedo to his job at the yogurt factory.

Itโ€™s a very cultured environment.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/sgri0b
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 03 2018
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I chased this guy wearing a sexy tuxedo made of cat fur

It was a hot purr suit.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/TommehBoi
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 23 2018
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Why do I only wear tuxedos?

Because the places I go to says 'no smoking'.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/elmaninho
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 15 2017
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I have two tuxedo cats...

But they're grey and white so I guess that means they're business casual.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/surlysir
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 10 2015
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So a teenage boy asks a girl out to prom

He asks her out, and he needs to plan, so first, he needs his tuxedo.

So he goes to the tuxedo shop, and there's a huge line of people there, so he waits for 30 minutes, then an hour, and he finally gets his tuxedo.

Then, he needs to rent a limo, to look nice and formal and everything, so he walks into the limo rental shop, and again, there's a huge line, so he waits for 30 minutes and then an hour goes by, then 2, and he finally gets his limo.

On the night of the prom, he pulls up to her house with the limo, and she gets in, and on their way to the prom building, a huge traffic jam happens! So they wait, and then 30 minutes goes by, then an hour, and they finally arrive at the building!

So they walk in, take some pictures, and dance for a bit, and after a while, the girl asks, "hey can you get us some punch?"

So the boy walks over to the punch bowl and guess what?

There's no punchline.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/infinityglitches
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 01 2019
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I got an invite to a wedding that said "black tie only" But

when I got there, everyone else was in tuxedos.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ihasanali
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 04 2018
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My dad got me pretty bad with this.

So one time there was this kid named Tim. Tim wanted to really wanted to go to the school prom with a girl named Janet. So one day, at school, he walked up to Janet and asked if she wanted to go.

She said yes!

So once she got home she told her mom. Her mom was very excited for her and called all of their family to share the news.

Then, that weekend, Janet and her mom went dress shopping. They looked and tried on several dresses until they found the right one. Janet tried that one on and was very happy.

Meanwhile, Tim needed a tuxedo. He looked online and found a great shop and put in an rental order.

The next week he came in and picked it up. On the way home he picked up a corsage. And once he got home, he ordered a limousine.

The day of Tim put on his tuxedo and grabbed the corsage just as the limo arrived to pick him up. Then the limo took him to Janet's house and her parents took a lot of pictures of the two of them.

Once their parents were finally done taking pictures, they left for the prom.

They bought their tickets and went inside and danced for a while.

And then, Janet asked Tim to get her something to drink. He went to find something, but there was no punch line!

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/rymike
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 03 2017
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My sister was getting her tonsils out

She woke up the day of the surgery to an envelope from my dad on the table. Inside was a note and a tiny paper dress and a tiny paper tuxedo. The note said "I heard a rich doctor was taking your tonsils out. I wanted to make sure they had something nice to wear"

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Ilurk23
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 11 2014
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Preparing for my brother's wedding

My brother got married recently. While we were getting dressed in our tuxedos, my dad and my brother's wife's sister's husband, who is a gynecologist, were trying to figure out how to tie my brother's bow tie (the rest of us had clip-ons).

They were watching a video as my gyno-in-law carefully followed along. My dad said, 'It's so complicated. So many folds.' And my brother's wife's sister's husband said, 'good thing I'm a gynecologist'

posted this story as a comment in a recent r/AskReddit post. Thought you'd like it too

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/alydm
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 06 2016
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Making the best of senior prom

As I'm sure many of you can remember (or not), senior prom was one of the most exciting events of our pre-real world existence. However, in order to get to the actual event, there were three significant steps that needed to be taken care of:

  1. Sober up enough before actually getting to the venue
  2. Find a date who wasn't even weirder than you were
  3. Rent a tuxedo This last part posed quite a bit of a problem to me, mostly because tuxedos can be very expensive to come by. Luckily enough for me, a local formalwear shop had a great deal going on; they would give you massive discounts and even hefty prizes for referring as many of your friends as possible to their business. Eager as I was to save a few bucks, I proceeded to text everyone in my phone's contact list. Almost every one of them neglected to respond to my pitiful pleas of financial assistance, not wanting to get caught up in this scam that I myself had meandered into. Finally, my token black friend, Malik, unwillingly took my bait. He tentatively responded, asking more about what he could get out of the deal for himself. After much persistence on my part, he finally declined, trying his best to let me down gently. As my poor little heart finally broke completely in two, I decided to alleviate the social tension, replying to him, "Alright man, well, suit yourself."
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/MinisculePeen
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 06 2015
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My puppy is getting fixed in a few weeks...

Dad: he's going to have to start wearing a tuxedo after that. Me: what are you talking about? Dad: well if he's gonna be impotent he's gotta look impotent.

Cue me groaning and him cracking up.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/SeguinPancakes
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 19 2015
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Was going to meet my dad to look at tux's for my upcoming wedding

My dad, my mom and I were talking about going to look at tuxedos for my approaching nuptials...

Dad: Why don't y'all run up to [tuxedo store] and I'll leave in a while and meet you there.

TheMagnarOfNoww: Why are you going to wait a while to leave?

Dad: Well y'all are running there, I'm going to drive so it won't take me as long. [outright laughter]

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/TheMagnarOfNoww
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 05 2015
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Froggy the Waiter

This isn't a joke that came from a dad or anything but I hope it's worthy!

My father started waiting in 1979 and took one of his first jobs at this extremely fancy and expensive restaurant. The type of place that the waiters wore tuxedos and whatnot. Anyways my dad worked with this guy named Froggy (nickname of course) whom my dad still praises to this day that he's one of the best waiters he's ever worked with.

Anyways, one night it's extremely busy and both my father and Froggy were rushing around trying to keep up. Well Froggy had this table with about 5-7 people all who looked like they wore expensive clothing, ordered the best food and so on. Well one of the guys ordered a baked potato as a side and Froggy proceeds with typical waiter stuff as asks if he wanted sour cream with his baked potato. The man says yes so Froggy scoops the cream and attempts to place it on the potato. Well... as he was moving to place it on, the cream slipped off and right onto this guys extremely expensive sweater... Completely in shock, the customer turns to Froggy and without missing a beat, Froggy slowly turns his head in a comical fashion towards the ceiling and proclaims "Those damn pigeons!"

Needless to say every single person in that table were crying with laughter, including my father one table over who observed the whole ordeal. Froggy said he'd pay for the dry cleaning and the customer said not to worry about it because it was the most hilarious thing he's seen in ages.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/KickedInTheHead
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 22 2013
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So my sister's wedding was yesterday....

I was in dad joke purgatory last night and all day yesterday. I may or not have been a little drunk but my dad and all my uncles had the best jokes.

For one my dad came to change in my hotel room where my girlfriend and I were already changing. He hangs is tuxedo and everything on a ceiling fan a few minutes pass and he's got his pants on so I go looking for his suspenders and I can't find them and I ask him where they are and he looks me dead in the eyes," oh they're still suspended".. And starts laughing to himself...

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/thoughtsofthefree
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 20 2013
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The guy at the tuxedo store keeps hovering around me, so I asked him to leave me alone.

He said, โ€œFine. Suit yourself.โ€

๐Ÿ‘︎ 9k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/porichoygupto
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 18 2019
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The tailor at the tuxedo store kept hovering around me, so I asked him to leave me alone.

He said, โ€œFine. Suit yourself.โ€

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/porichoygupto
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 30 2019
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The guy at the tuxedo store was hovering over me, so I asked him to leave me alone.

He said, โ€œFine. Suit yourself.โ€

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/porichoygupto
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 13 2020
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The shopkeeper at the tuxedo store kept hovering over me, so I told him to leave me alone.

He said, โ€œFine. Suit yourself.โ€

๐Ÿ‘︎ 6
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/porichoygupto
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 29 2019
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The tailor at the tuxedo shop was constantly trying to measure me, so I asked him to leave me alone.

He said, โ€œFine. Suit yourself.โ€

๐Ÿ‘︎ 43
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/porichoygupto
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 24 2019
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Whatโ€™s the difference between a man in a tuxedo on a bike and a homeless man on a unicycle?

Attire

๐Ÿ‘︎ 9
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/alexbeltran43
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 19 2018
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