If you crumble Tums over an ant hill, the ants will start making bizarre shapes from the mound...

They'll be tripping on antacid!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nitrocloud
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2019
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If ants took Tums, would they get high?

I mean, it's an antacid.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/drumbum97
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2014
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As a lumberjack, I know that I’ve cut exactly 2,417 trees. I know because every time I cut one, I keep a log.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ruchi565
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2019
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What does Bill Duke say when he has an upset stomach?

Gonna have me some Tums. Gonna have me some Tums.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CallSignSabre13
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
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I asked my dad how he managed to stop a bad trip.

He said "Tums"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/prendrefeu
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2020
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What does Tennessee Ernie Ford take when he has heartburn?

Sixteen Tums

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πŸ‘€︎ u/writerdmcollins
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2019
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My dad has been preparing me for this moment for years.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PDizze
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2013
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Had to explain to my wife that she was using the wrong moisturizer.

My wife was applying some Oilatum moisturizing cream to her face after her bath. I told her she was using the wrong cream, the stuff she was using is for her stomach. It says so right in the product name. Oil-a-Tum.

She was not impressed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/voncasec
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2019
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The hidden puns of LexisNexis

Years ago I used to use a LexisNexis database of companies that would give corporate information like name, address, and general business description. While most of them were pretty bland, there were a bunch of them with some really cheesy puns, and over a few years I built quite a collection.

Today I share with you "NEXIS IS RIDICULOUS.txt":

  • Bucyrus International caters to those who mine their own business.
  • It would be logical for Mr. Spock to boldly go to Vulcan International for rubber products. He might even live long and prosper -- in comfortable shoes.
  • What do manufacturer Electro-Motive Diesel (EMD) and 1970s band Grand Funk Railroad have in common? They both want you to do the locomotion!
  • Peter Piper can pick more than a peck of peppers or pickles from B&G Foods.
  • Toray Plastics America could sing "foam, foam on the range, where the polyester and polypropylene materials are made" all day.
  • Break out the Tums, because things are awfully gassy over at Air Liquide America.
  • If a tree falls in a Weyerhaeuser forest, someone is there to hear it -- and he has a chainsaw.
  • Although not a pushover, you can walk all over Wilsonart International.
  • Here's a HEICO haiku: HEICO companies/ Providing for jet engines/ In flight or on land.
  • American Italian Pasta Company (AIPC) uses its noodle in many different ways.
  • The golf industry doesn't mind when Aldila gives it the shaft.
  • Rat-a-tat-tat and a ringa-ding-ding. What's that? Answer: The sounds emanating from Pearl, one of the world's foremost makers of drums and other percussion and musical instruments.
  • Saint-Gobain Ceramics & Plastics deals powders and crystal, but there's no need to call the cops.
  • Pamida Stores Operating Company offers more small-town values than a bandwagon of Republicans on the campaign trail.
  • Like a tight end, offshore drilling contractor Transocean dreams of going deep but doesn't mind eating a little mud.
  • Rittal me this, Batman!
  • Utility Trailer Manufacturing is spreading its own brand of reefer madness.
  • Who is the Fresh Prince of Sullair?
  • If GrafTech International were a bard, it could wax poetic in an ode to the electrode.
  • When it comes to adhesives and vibration control products, LORD knows.
  • You might say that Deere & Company enjoys its customers going to seed.
  • Pfizer pfabricates pfarmaceuticals pfor quite a pfew inpfirmities.
  • Stripping is OK at Spraylat.
  • Don't think Seton is
... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2016
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My friend Dadjoking Omegle...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HotSwat
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2014
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Me: So today I was getting gas on my way home...

Dad: Did you take some tums to help?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Trusty_
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2016
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