Little Timmy is in english class

Teacher: Timmy, tell me a word that begins with M

Timmy: Yesterday

Teacher: But Timmy, yesterday doesn't begin with M, begins with Y

Timmy: But teacher, yesterday was monday

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dudumedel
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
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Last weekend I had tickets to go see Timmy, the Yodeling Shetland Pony.

Unfortunately, Timmy has to cancel. He was a little hoarse.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tsuggitt
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2020
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Dad: Hey there Timmy do you know which month has 27 days?

Timmy: That's easy dad! February!!!

Dad: Haha! Wrong! THEY ALL DO!

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/-Xtabi-
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2019
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Why did little Timmy drop his ice cream cone?

He got hit by a bus

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/firepower98
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2019
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Timmy cooper classic: Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one and let the other one off.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jonjk
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2019
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Timmy the tugboat captain would never forgive his peers after they would steal barge-moving jobs from him.

He definitely harbored a grudge.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2019
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β€œI’m asking Lassie where Timmy is, and he keeps saying Woof!”

β€œDon’t worry. I’m sure he means well.”

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2018
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Timmy got sent home from school today, he mooned his class again.

Don’t worry honey he’s just going through a phase.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mikey10158
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2018
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Coach: Brett you're out, Timmy you're in.

Brett: This isn't fair! I'm the best in the country! Why am I getting replaced by a baby? Coach: This is basketball. I replaced you with a baby because babys are good at dribbling.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PlanetCEC
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2019
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My friend's dad said this to him

A boy asks his father if he can go hang out with friends. His dad says, " which friends are you going with?" and the boy replies, "I'm going with Timmy and Bob," so his father asks, "Who is Timmy and who is Bob," the boy says, "Timmy is a short trouble maker, and Bob is also a short troublemaker." The father replied, "I dont want you hanging out with those kids." The boy said, "Why dad?" His dad says, " I dont want you becoming short like them."

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RABIESbaby123
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
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If H2O is water, what is H2O4?

Drinking.

Edit: to the people turning this into an β€œACKSHUALLY it’s hydroxyperoxide/tetraoxidane/non-existent chemical bind!” chemistry moment, just chill, it’s a dad joke.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/biorod
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2019
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It's a proud day

On the way home from daycare, my 5 year old (Freddie), my 2.5 year old (Timmy) and I had a short conversation. Timmy really likes it when everyone is happy, so he asks a lot.

Timmy: Are you happy daddy?

Me: Yeah, I'm happy.

Freddie: I'm happy Timmy!

Timmy: No! <Laughing> I'm happy Timmy! You're happy Freddie!

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Noggin01
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2020
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Can i get geographically punnier then this

Timmy : I'm Hungary,. Mum : Why don't you Czech the fridge. Timmy : Ok, I'm Russian to the kitchen. Mum : Hmm...maybe you'll find some Turkey. Timmy : Yeah, but its all covered in Greece. Yuck ! Mum : There is Norway you can eat that. Timmy : I know, I guess I'll just have a can of Chile. Mum : Denmark your name on the can. Timmy : Kenya do it for me? Mum : Ok , I'm Ghana do it. Timmy : Thanks, i'm so tired Iran for an hour today. Mum : It Tokyo long enough. Timmy : Yeah, Israelly hard sometimes !

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AMswag123
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2019
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What do you call a blind dinosaur?

A doyouthinkhe-saurus.... nyuk, nyuk, nyuk!

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RageMonster17
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2018
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I walked into work today and there was a sign that said "no drugs, no mittens!"

I walked up to my coworker and said "I get 'no drugs' but what is the deal with mittens?"

He looked at me very concerned and said "Everyone knows mittens are a gateway glove!"

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/diabeo
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2018
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Chicago's Field Museum has launched a hotline where your child can text-message with a "dinosaur" that answers their questions.

Great, now parents have to worry about their kids getting ghosted by a velociraptor? "Hey Timmy, it's Ronny the Raptor. U up? Don't you hate it when you send an eggplant emoji to a Triceratops and they be like: who dis?"

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GeoffPlitt
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2019
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Got my landlord twice last night.

Landlord: Yeah, he's Indonesian.

Me: That's cool, I'm more IndoJapanese.

(whoosh)

Landlord: Do you know why he named his son 'Timmy'?

Me: No, why?

Landlord: He said he had a dream.

Me: Then he should have named him Martin.

Landlord: Why are you laughing like that?

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Darthob
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2014
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Timmy : "Dad, am I adopted?"

Dad : "No, you're Timmy."

πŸ‘︎ 532
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChildLikEsper
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2017
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Last weekend I had concert tickets to go see Timmy, the Yodeling Shetland Pony.

Unfortunately Timmy had to cancel. He was a little hoarse.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tsuggitt
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2018
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Last weekend I had tickets to go see Timmy the yodeling Shetland pony.

Unfortunately, Timmy had to cancel. He was a little hoarse.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tsuggitt
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2018
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