Timmy Puns

Teacher: Timmy, tell me a word that begins with M

Timmy: Yesterday

Teacher: But Timmy, yesterday doesn't begin with M, begins with Y

Timmy: But teacher, yesterday was monday

Unfortunately, Timmy has to cancel. He was a little hoarse.

Timmy: That's easy dad! February!!!

Dad: Haha! Wrong! THEY ALL DO!

He got hit by a bus

They charged one and let the other one off.

He definitely harbored a grudge.

“Don’t worry. I’m sure he means well.”

Don’t worry honey he’s just going through a phase.

Brett: This isn't fair! I'm the best in the country! Why am I getting replaced by a baby? Coach: This is basketball. I replaced you with a baby because babys are good at dribbling.

A boy asks his father if he can go hang out with friends. His dad says, " which friends are you going with?" and the boy replies, "I'm going with Timmy and Bob," so his father asks, "Who is Timmy and who is Bob," the boy says, "Timmy is a short trouble maker, and Bob is also a short troublemaker." The father replied, "I dont want you hanging out with those kids." The boy said, "Why dad?" His dad says, " I dont want you becoming short like them."

Drinking.

Edit: to the people turning this into an “ACKSHUALLY it’s hydroxyperoxide/tetraoxidane/non-existent chemical bind!” chemistry moment, just chill, it’s a dad joke.

On the way home from daycare, my 5 year old (Freddie), my 2.5 year old (Timmy) and I had a short conversation. Timmy really likes it when everyone is happy, so he asks a lot.

Timmy: Are you happy daddy?

Me: Yeah, I'm happy.

Freddie: I'm happy Timmy!

Timmy: No! <Laughing> I'm happy Timmy! You're happy Freddie!

Timmy : I'm Hungary,. Mum : Why don't you Czech the fridge. Timmy : Ok, I'm Russian to the kitchen. Mum : Hmm...maybe you'll find some Turkey. Timmy : Yeah, but its all covered in Greece. Yuck ! Mum : There is Norway you can eat that. Timmy : I know, I guess I'll just have a can of Chile. Mum : Denmark your name on the can. Timmy : Kenya do it for me? Mum : Ok , I'm Ghana do it. Timmy : Thanks, i'm so tired Iran for an hour today. Mum : It Tokyo long enough. Timmy : Yeah, Israelly hard sometimes !

A doyouthinkhe-saurus.... nyuk, nyuk, nyuk!

I walked up to my coworker and said "I get 'no drugs' but what is the deal with mittens?"

He looked at me very concerned and said "Everyone knows mittens are a gateway glove!"

Great, now parents have to worry about their kids getting ghosted by a velociraptor? "Hey Timmy, it's Ronny the Raptor. U up? Don't you hate it when you send an eggplant emoji to a Triceratops and they be like: who dis?"

Landlord: Yeah, he's Indonesian.

Me: That's cool, I'm more IndoJapanese.

(whoosh)

Landlord: Do you know why he named his son 'Timmy'?

Me: No, why?

Landlord: He said he had a dream.

Me: Then he should have named him Martin.

Landlord: Why are you laughing like that?

Dad : "No, you're Timmy."

Unfortunately Timmy had to cancel. He was a little hoarse.

Unfortunately, Timmy had to cancel. He was a little hoarse.