Donald Trump should drop the ball in Times Square on New Years Eve

He certainly has plenty of experience

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DigThisMyBrother
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
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I don't know why people expect Time's Square to put on a decent New Year's Eve show.

They're always dropping the ball.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Elnateo
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
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The New Year's celebration at Times Square was pretty disappointing.

They really dropped the ball this time.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pun-isher42
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2019
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I really wish I had made a pun about how we celebrate New Years Eve in Times Square.

I really dropped the ball on that one.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ajd011394
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2020
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I'm not impressed with the people who organize the New Year's celebration in Times Square

They always drop the ball.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThisGuy21321
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2019
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I hear there aren't enough bathrooms for the NYE celebration in Time Square.

They really dropped the ball on that one.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thepobv
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2018
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The giant Dumbo ad playing at Times Square on new year's eve said "Happy New Year"...

It should have said "Happy New Ear" instead.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NewWhirledOrder
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2019
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Time square messed up big time.

They dropped the ball again last night

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πŸ‘€︎ u/therealtechnird
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2018
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We were in Times Square the other day...

...my dad was picking me up from the train station and we met by west 42nd street. We get in the car and drive past Rockefeller center and we see a tree with lights: "you see that? They're already growing next year's Christmas tree!"

I have never heard say anything like this before. Needless to say I got quite a chuckle from it

Edit: grammar

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Carguy96
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2017
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The Times Square event organizers have a big night ahead of them...

Hope they don't drop the ball...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/prosciuttolover
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2017
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6 is scared of 7 because 7, 8, 9 but why did 7 eat 9?

Because you're supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/poisonoustoddler
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2021
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6 was scared of 7 because 7,8,9…

4 witnessed everything but was 2 squared to tell anyone

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πŸ‘€︎ u/satishpr
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2021
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I just broke up with my mathematician girlfriend :(

She was still obsessed with her x

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Meioxy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2021
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"Length times width times height. Pi times r-squared times h. Four-thirds times pi times r-cubed."

This really speaks volumes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2021
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I tried to come up with a carpentry pun...

....that woodwork. I think I nailed it, but nobody saw it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/flippantteacup
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2021
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I love a good build up
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πŸ‘€︎ u/creepinonthenet13
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
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Scared af
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bongnazi
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
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Where do math teachers go on vacation?

Times Square.

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2021
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Equine problems

2 girls are chatting, one isn't particularly bright and seems very deep in thought, the other asks what she's thinking about, the not so bright one says she has an issue, "I have had a horse for years and my parents have just bought me a new one which is virtually identical to the first and I'm struggling to work out which one is which." The friend suggested she try cutting the mane short on one horse making it easy to identify. The friend is over the moon and rushes away to try the suggestion. A few weeks pass and the friends meet up, The friend and how she got on with the mane cutting trick. "It was fine for the first couple of weeks but the mane grew back so I'm back to square one." The friend thinks for a while and suggests cutting the hair on the tail short making identification simple. Again the girl rushes off to try the suggestion. A few weeks later they meet again with much the same story, this time the friend suggests measuring the horses height to see if one is taller than the other. A few weeks later they meet up, the not so clever one is ecstatic and proceeds to tell her friend how it went. "It was amazing and I hadn't noticed but the black horse was 2 hands taller than the white one".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/orcamarine
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2021
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Number wars, a dad joke story.

6 couldn't believe it. 7 had finally gone off the deep end. 7 had long offended 6. A repeat 6 offender if you will. But this was unforgivable. 9 was his best friend. How could he do this to his best friend? How could it be that 7 ate 9?

6, filled with fury, called his friends 2 and 4. They would get even. 10 was the best friend of 7 you see. 2, 4 and 6 ate 10 to get even. They then began plotting further revenge, but 7 acted first. He gathered 1, 3 and 5 together to take down 6.

Realizing that the odds were against them, 2, 4 and 6 retreated. Their only option was to turn to 12 who had twice the resources 6 had. 7 couldn't follow.

12 quickly called 3 to find out what the root of 7's attack on 9. 3 wasn't sure. He had only supported 7 because of a long standing friendship. But 3 promised to get to the root cause.

Meanwhile, 7's scheming was not yet done. 12 was powerful, but there was one who could reverse his decision to harbor 6. If he could just convince 21, nicknamed blackjack, to reverse 12's decision, it would all be over.

Three times 7 went to 21's compound. On the third try he was able to get through. After explaining that 6 had masterminded the elimination of 10, a grand meeting of the numbers was called.

Both 6 and 7 argued over the whole thing. 13 had the unlucky task of adjudicating the meeting. Each time 13 made an argument, 6 and 7 would add to it by shouting over each other.

Finally, 21 had had enough. "7, why did you eat 9"

7 responded "I just wanted to get 3 square meals." 21 had 7 eliminated for initiating the battle and 6 jailed for masterminding 10's death. And the war was over.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Calthropstu
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2021
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Geology rocks but geography is where it's at
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tempsilon
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2018
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The O.Henry Pun-Off is back β€œON!” - Tongues of puns linger
  • Like all cherished things in this covid-crazy world, the O.Henry Museum’s famous free, family friendly celebration of the wit-in-word will take place virtually in cyberspace this year. With an awesome live cast of lively wits and tortured tongues, the online audience will be treated to all the linguistic twists, dramatic turns, and surprise endings they’ve groan to love. Expect to witness wacky word butchers and voracious verbivores from around the globe, all worming their way into your ears. Tongues of tradition, tension and camaraderie make this the premier event for the world's competitive wordplay community
  • Brought to you this year by the City of Austin, Brush Square Museums Foundation, and co- sponsored by Austin's very own Fantastic Magic Camp, as well as the internationally renowned podcast, Pun Intensive, The O. Henry Museum Pun-Off World Championships Punslingers Competition: Online Edition will commence Saturday, November 21, 2020
  • Preliminary live rounds begin Saturday, November 21, 2020, at 11:00am CST, lasting about 2 hours. Later that evening, live competition resumes at 7:00pm CST with head-to-head prime time heats. - See Pun-Off.com for schedule details, links, and more.

[Austin, TX, November 1, 2020] - Although traditionally held outdoors on a single day in the spring, the first portion 2020 the O. Henry Museum Pun-Off competition known as Punniest of Show was conducted via video in October. Now on Saturday, November 21, 2020, PARD will bring you their most popular second segment, O. Henry Museum Pun-Off World Championships Punslingers Competition: Online Edition

This free, fun, and family friendly event will take place online this year, but with special twists, turns, and surprise modifications to make it the perfect 2020 event for the world's competitive wordplay community.

The O. Henry Museum Pun-Off World Championships have been an Austin institution for 43 years. As usual, the contest will feature a cavalcade of word-class wordsmiths from across the globe, all worming their way into your art. Join and enjoy us as they compete to spontaneously spit out the most absurd words you’ve ever heard.

The event will be live streamed at PunIntensive.com.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bpcombs
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
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Math?

(12 + 144 + 20 + 3√4)/7 + 5*11 = 9^2 + 0

Well measured.

>!The expression evaluates true, but it also forms a limmerick when read out loud (click it to read a spoken version).!<

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πŸ‘€︎ u/barwhack
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2019
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So my dad just emailed me this.

If you have a pizza with radius 'z' & height 'a', its volume is pi*z*z*a.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/harsh183
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2016
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Where's a mathematician's favorite place in the world?

Times Square

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Existence111111
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2020
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Where do mathematicians hold their annual convention?

Times Square!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xwhy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2019
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My father passed away in December. Here's one of his favorites.

Every time we had cornbread for dinner he would say, "pi r squared? Pie are not squared, pie are round. Cornbread are squared."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Waveling
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2015
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Two Farms

There was two farms next to each other, separated by a long fence. The two farmers were called nick and Barry. They were both very resourceful farmers, using each and every square inch of land to grow on. Both would tend to their crops twice a day every single day, and became friends. However, both farmers were penny pinchers, and would often try and take a few extra crops from the other side of the fence, which lead to arguments. One day, Barry came out to tend his crops, but nick did not appear once. This continued for several days. Both sets of crops continued to grow, along and up the fence, eventually intertwining. Both farmers were growing wheat. After around 5 days, Barry came out and to his delight, saw nick tending to his harvest. However, this delight soon changed to frustration as he saw nick taking extra crops from his side. "Where have you been, and what do you think you're doing?" He exclaimed. "I'm taking in my wheat, and I haven't been out for a few days due to illness. I've been feeling queasy and dizzy when I stand up, with a throbbing pain in my head each time. But it's ok, they're only headaches." "Oh I don't think so mister" said Barry.

"Those are my grains!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/harryjrogers20
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2019
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Where's the best place to multiply exponents to the second power?

Times Square.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Godredd
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2019
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Dad nearly made me and mom choke on our coffee

Backstory: I had bought a set of nice Nespresso coffee cups for my parents for Christmas (original, I know). But these aren't your standard, chunky, ceramic Christmas mugs with snowflakes or Santas, but actually something for the type of coffee fanatics that spend their money on Clooney's kind of blend, what else?

So - having dessert; cake, coffee, the whole shabang.

Me, inspecting one of said cups: "I'm glad I actually found a set that doesn't stay in the cupboard all year like literally every other mug you've ever gotten from anyone."

Mom, eating cake: "Mm-hmm."

Me: "Like, these are actually really nice. I like the pattern around the base and how they're round and square at the same time."

Mom, between bites: "They're very nice."

Suddenly, Dad, eating his cake completely silently up until this point: "You should take a picture of them. Might make for a pretty cool mugshot."

Cue me barely managing to swallow my coffee, Mom chuckling into her cup and both our subsequent groans

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πŸ‘€︎ u/robowiizard
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2017
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Birthdays & Christmas

For my son's birthday; if he gets a small square book shaped gift, before he unwraps it I always say "Oooh, I bet it's a shiny new bicycle!" every present, every time - I think it drives the wife more insane than my son.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/whatapain1
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2013
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Regarding the diets of dairy cows.

I grew up in Vermont. Around my town were plenty of dairy farms, inviting the always wonderful manure aroma. An aroma that nearly forced my father to inhale deeply through his nose, saying, "Ah, fresh Vermont air!"

That's an excellent Dad one liner, as are most dad jokes, but he had another great one that I'm getting to.

You see, the hay bails we saw growing up in Vermont were mostly the cube variety. Hay bailing technology at the time created cubes of hay, so that's what dotted the fields they'd graze in.

As we grew older, we starting noticing the now more common round bails of hay. Dad was not pleased.

I asked him what the problem was or, at least, what his problem was with the round bails. The best jokes are set up when you ask for them.

So, he tells me. New farming technology allowed the round bails to be created more efficiently. They used less fuel in the bailers, took less passes on the field to gather the hay. They used less twine, and even though they didn't fill a truck as well as square bails, there was still a net monetary gain from the efficiency gained elsewhere.

However, studies were done on the bails. The cows approached them differently due to the different alignment of surface area. The way the rain hit the bails and rolled off as opposed to soaking in leached nutrients out of the hay. Some cows even mistook the shape of bail for another animal, and approached them so nervously that their heart rates were known to raise significantly; such a rate that a tinge of acidity could be tasted by those in the know in their milk.

What all of this amounted to... is that with the new round bails of hay, the cows just weren't getting a good square meal.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/estomasi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2013
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its my mom, but she will fit right in.

Every time we drive past a field covered in bales of hay;

Mom- See those round bales of hay?

Kids- Yes.. ^* ^sighs ^*

Mom- They have been banned in Canada,

Kids- Orly? Why's that? ^^we ^^have ^^only ^^heard ^^it ^^a ^^thousand ^^times..

Mom- Because cows need three square meals a day! ^* ^laughs ^*

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jacazilla
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2013
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I don't see why Mariah Carey is getting so much abuse.

Every year at Times square someone drops the ball.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Szczesnyy
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2017
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Quasimodo's Replacement

Once upon a time Quasimodo was growing old and wanted to retire. Before he could, he had to hire someone new to ring the bells of the Church of Notre Dame in his place. He placed an ad in the newspaper but only one man showed up for the interview. This man happened to have no arms. The man begged Quasimodo to give him a chance, and that despite his appearance he could indeed perform the duties of the job. Quasimodo eventually caved and gave him a chance. The next day at 1:00 sharp they met in the bell tower. The man with no arms takes a wide stance near the edge of the room and charges directly towards the bell at a dead sprint. He smacks the bell squarely with his head and it produces a wonderful sonorous ring. Pleased with the results, Quasimodo tells him that if he can continue to ring the bell for the rest of the day he has the job. 2:00 passes and the man with no arms headbuts the bell twice, at 3:00 three times, and on and on until at 12:00 he produces only 11 rings before he was so disoriented and concussed that he charges right past the bell, over the railing, and falls to his death. The next day when the police investigate the mysterious death of an unknown man with no arms Quasimodo was asked if he knew anything about the dead man. He told them " I don't know his name, but his face sure rings a bell"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bygles
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2016
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The misses is on a fast track to dad jokes...

My fiancee knocked on to the floor at a friends house, a single slice cake we had got from Smith's; comes packaged in a small, square plastic container, and was still in the container when it hit the carpet. I still proceeded to give her a hard time saying she did it on purpose, etc. As she reached over to pick it up she accidentally dipped her shirt on to the top of a caramel covered brownie she was eating. She sat back up and noticed the caramel circle covering the nipple of her shirt, and without second thought cries, "Aww man, caramel's a bitch."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/itsonlythreeyears
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2015
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The New Year's celebration at Times Square was pretty disappointing.

They really dropped the ball this year.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pun-isher42
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2019
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6 was scared of 7 because 7,8,9 but why did 7 eat 9?

Because you're supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cyclopropagative
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2020
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Where can you practice multiplication tables on New Year's Eve?

Times Square.

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
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I challenged the number 1 to a fight, but he brought his friends 3, 5, 7, and 9.

The odds were against me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2019
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Where do mathematicians hold their annual conventions?

Times Square!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xwhy
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2017
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