This just happened in real life, and I got not even a chuckle.
True story: the wife and I were walking in Target this evening. We were walking in the clothing section, behind an employee who was moving a mannequin. Out of nowhere the whole arm pops off, and the poor woman canβt bend to pick it up becauseβ¦ ya knowβ¦ sheβs holding the rest of the mannequin. So I walk up, grab the limb while sheβs looking around for another employee to help, hold it out to her and sayβ¦
βHere, let me give you a handβ
She took it. No laughter. My wife? Nothing. So I am posting here in the hopes that my genius will be appreciated. Keep getting those dad jokes in the wild, folks.
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︎ Dec 09 2022
They even do this on Mandalore
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︎ Jan 21 2023
My neighbor is a 90 year old with Alzheimer's, I see him every morning and he asks me If I've seen his wife. Every day I have to tell this poor man that his wife died 20 years ago. I could have moved to another house or even ignore his question.
But the look of joy in his eyes whenever I answer him is worth the world.
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︎ Aug 17 2022
is this sub even active?
Iβve been sitting in this thing for hours and it wonβt turn on
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︎ Dec 02 2022
I have this really tall colleague. So tall in fact, he's the tallest at the office. But then an even taller guy showed up, and the other guy can't stop talking about how mad it makes him
He's beginning to sound like a broken record
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︎ Nov 06 2022
This Chinese woman, who I canβt even remember her name, broke up with me after our first dateβ¦
She said, itβs not Yu, itβs Mi
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︎ Jul 02 2022
I think you'll like this joke, even though it's a little long
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︎ Apr 25 2022
I came up with this one. Not even a Dad β¦ Sigh
What job makes you greedy ?
.
.
.
Fisherman ! Because you sell fishβ¦
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︎ Nov 05 2021
what do you call a pirate that holds various bugs ( this is so bad it might not even be a dad joke)
A pirate of the carry bee ant
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︎ Apr 23 2022
60 knots 70 knots and even more this last weekend.
I made a very nice wool jumper
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︎ Feb 21 2022
Dad- βHey son, want me to tell you why my jacket keeps me so warm, even in this frigid weather?β
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︎ Jan 12 2022
Just happened a few minutes ago. Whilst wrapping an easel for our daughter my better half said "how am I going to wrap this?" I replied "Easely". Not even a smile :( wasted talent here.
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︎ Dec 21 2018
This wasnβt even a hard one. Not to stroke my own ego or anything.
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︎ Apr 07 2021
No idea how my 9 year old even came up with this, but super proud about it!
Q: Googly eyes arenβt really googly. Do you know why?
A: Because they all still use Yahoo.
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︎ Nov 11 2021
Iβm not even ashamed that I enjoyed this
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︎ Oct 12 2018
I've been wearing this mask for so long, I wasn't sure I'd even be able to get rid of it.
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︎ Feb 25 2021
This son of a bitch got me. Can't be mad though; I set him up and did even realize it.
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︎ May 11 2020
This kitten is tiny, but that kitten is even smaller
I can compare the mere-cats
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︎ Sep 10 2021
If you get this pun, you have saved me the time of writing a good title. And if you save me even one second, you have saved my day entire.
v.redd.it/feo6wfvmmco31
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︎ Sep 23 2019
Eight days in and this year looks like it might be as bad as last year. Possibly even worse. If it does turn out worse, well, you know what they say...
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︎ Jan 09 2021
Do I even need a caption for this one? π€
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︎ Aug 01 2018
This guy made it to dad status before he was even a dad [x-post /r/funny]
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︎ Mar 31 2015
I'm so stupidly proud of myself for this message that I don't even care if he responds to me.
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︎ Dec 01 2018
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︎ Jun 07 2015
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︎ Jun 20 2016
An alternate world where it's illegal to make or even touch puns. Punsmiths are protesting against this.
There's a pun crying to be made here, but I can't put my finger on it.
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︎ Feb 27 2019
I cringed even my dad out with this joke
I asked him, "Hey Dad, did you hear about the wine that was so good that it could kill?"
"No," he replied.
I point towards the glass of wine that's been used as a fly catcher for the past week
"I guess you could say they were dropping like flies..."
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︎ May 24 2020
How are doctors so even tempered even under this incredibly stressful times?
They have a lot of patients.
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︎ Mar 24 2020
this one was so annoying I don't even want to post it.
my dad telling me about a new guy at work.
my dad: "so at the meeting today the new guy mentions he had a dream about work"
my dad says to him... "looks like you found your dream job"
I'm sorry people as much as it pains me to think about this horrible, HORRIBLE joke and write it out I just had to torture you guys with it. again I'm so so sorry
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︎ Mar 01 2014
I don't know why I even do this...
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︎ Mar 31 2014
only people with 200iq will get this. not sure he even meant it himself.
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︎ Feb 11 2019
Friend: My mouth burned the whole time cause my dad made me eat this hot pepper in exchange for the show ticket. Wasnβt even a good show.
Me: You just really ate to see it
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︎ Nov 25 2018
Shared a dadjoke from this subreddit with my dad and he dadjoked it up even more.
Me: How did the butcher introduce his wife?
Me: Meet Pattie!
Dad: Meat my wife
Dad: She's a cut above the rest
Here's a link to the text convo:
http://imgur.com/GU30U1Q
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︎ Aug 28 2016
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︎ Nov 13 2013
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︎ Jun 01 2018
This isn't even that punny
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︎ Apr 24 2018
Husband Got Me Tonight, and He's Not Even a Member of This Subreddit.
So, I don't have a cell phone, I'm a luddite, so I had him take a picture of my tattoo because /u/AlbinoAlex asked for a pic, told the hubby to email it to me. It didn't arrive quickly, so I told him to send it again. I received the email about 4 minutes later and he asked me, "What was the email titled?" I said, "Tat" he then said, "That was the first email then, as the second one I titled "Tat2" ".
SOOO much laughter from both ends. What a Dad joke!!!
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︎ Jan 17 2016
Got this card in the mail on my birthday. He even included a UPC code.
imgur.com/a/DoFtF
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︎ Oct 02 2013
I managed to break even at Vegas this weekend. I lost a load of money on the blackjack table.
But then won it all back on the ATM machine.
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︎ Jul 15 2018
An even number walks into a room full of primes and says, "Two can play this game."
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︎ Aug 08 2019
Just hit my girlfriend with this one. Not even a dad but I'm preparing myself for the day.
My girlfriend and I were cuddling on the couch. I put my head on her chest.
ME: Your boobs make good pillows.
HER: Yea they are pretty soft.
ME: Are they made of mammary-foam?
She paused for a moment before groaning and eventually giving it a good chuckle. So proud.
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︎ Jan 04 2014
It seems this sub isn't very tech-savvy. you could even say...
This sub doesn't COMPUTE!
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︎ May 11 2016
This didn't even get a groan.
My Fiance and I are getting into the elevator at a hotel we were staying at. We get in and the elevator was large and had blankets on the wall.
Her: Weird, I think this is a freight elevator.
Me: Freight so...
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︎ Apr 06 2016
This Holy Land conflict, I can't even...
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︎ Apr 01 2015
I went to this place that advertised itself as a zoo, but when I got inside there was only one animal, and even that was a dog.
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︎ May 06 2018
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