Did any Star Wars fans out there know Yoda has a last name?
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︎ Feb 25 2023
I quizzed my daughter, "If thereβs a bee in my hand, whatβs in my eye?" She frowned, shook her head and responded, "I don't know, what?" I smiled and answered...
"Beauty, because beauty is in the eye of the bee-holder!"
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︎ Feb 25 2023
So there I was this morning, sitting and drinking coffee in my slippers, and I thought to myself..
I'll have to start cleaning a few cups around here...
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︎ Jan 31 2023
Did you know thereβs a mint that only produces dollars?
It doesnβt make any cents.
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︎ Mar 05 2023
I've just got a job making plastic Draculas. There are only two of us on the production line...
So I have to make every second count.
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︎ Feb 22 2023
My 6 year old couldn't sleep. So I told her that there are cows sleeping in a field. She asked me what that had to do with anything.
I told her because it's pasture bedtime.
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︎ Jan 20 2023
There are 30 cows in a field. 28 chickens. How many didn't?
I'll let you figure out the riddle.
Edit: For those who mentioned it, yes, I realize it works better in speech
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︎ Jan 17 2023
Why are there There are Pop tarts but no Mum tarts?
Its because of the pastryarchy
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︎ Mar 06 2023
Thereβs a virus that makes us forget 80s music. It may be spreading.
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︎ Jan 22 2023
There was an argument over what comes after 69β¦
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︎ Feb 09 2023
Nice pun you got there sir.
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︎ Mar 07 2023
I left my front door open yesterday and my Roomba went right outside and I haven't seen it since. I'm afraid that it's going to die out there in the wild.
You know, because Nature Abhors a Vacuum.
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︎ Jan 05 2023
There were clucking sounds coming from our hen house today, but the last chicken died in there two summers ago
I think that it's a poultrygeist.
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︎ Jan 17 2023
There was a murder among the number community, and we suspect it might have been committed by the 2, the 3, the 5 or the 7.
At least, those are the prime suspects.
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︎ Jan 03 2023
With so many disagreements on Reddit, there is one thing I can gladly say we agree onβ¦
Everyone reading this is on the same page.
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︎ Jan 15 2023
Why aren't there many films about Abraham Lincoln?
He doesn't do well in theaters.
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︎ Feb 08 2023
For all my fellow coders out there
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︎ Feb 03 2023
Iβm glad that thereβs no bad weather-related puns here.
That could lead to a sigh-clone
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︎ Feb 09 2023
Daughter: Thereβs no fortune in my fortune cookie!
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︎ Mar 06 2023
Thereβs a 3-letter word for 24 hours, but I canβt remember it. Iβm tired.
I think Iβll call it a day.
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︎ Dec 15 2022
Do you know why they say "Be there or be square" β‘ ?
Well, if you are square, then you are obviously not a-round β
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︎ Mar 04 2023
There is no difference between 10 and 11
Ten plus ten is twenty
And eleven plus eleven is twenty too
From my daughter
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︎ Mar 05 2023
Back when I was in school, the girls thought that there were only four vowels: A E O and U...
They didn't even know I existed.
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︎ Feb 20 2023
Thereβs a book titled βThe Race to The Outhouseβ
Written by Willy Maykit, and illustrated by Betty Wont
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︎ Feb 28 2023
There was no happy ending.
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︎ Feb 23 2023
There Was A Guy Who Went To An Oral-Surgeon Dentist, To Have His Impacted Wisdom Teeth....
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︎ Feb 26 2023
I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.
It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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︎ Feb 21 2023
βKnock, knockβ βWhoβs there?β βAhβ βAh who?β
βWerewolves of Londonβ
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︎ Dec 13 2022
the best meat in Germany is also there wΓΌrst
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︎ Feb 28 2023
True story: My wife pointed at a sign on the London Underground. There was a Meatloaf musical on stage...
She asked "I think that would be good, I think we should go. I replied "I would do anything for love..."
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︎ Mar 03 2023
are there dadjokes for diabetics
Me and my dad (we both diabetic) love to trow jokes at each other
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︎ Mar 06 2023
[mashup] Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the moron's house. Knock-knock: (Who's there?)
ππ the chicken ππ
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︎ Feb 17 2023
Eye wouldnβt miss the opportunity eye-there
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︎ Feb 13 2023
Police found a large number of dead crows on the A251 just outside Ashford yesterday morning, and there was concern that they may have died from Bird Flu...
A Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and it's been confirmed the problem was not Bird Flu.
The cause of death appeared to be from vehicular impacts, however, during analysis it was noted that varying colours of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws.
By analysing this paint residue, it was found that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with lorries, while only 2% were killed by cars.
Ornithological Behaviourists wondered if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of lorry kills versus car kills. They quickly concluded that when crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow to warn of danger.
They discovered that while all the look-out crows could shout "Cah", not a single one could shout "Lorry".
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︎ Dec 31 2022
There is a woman whose name is always mispronounced.
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︎ Feb 15 2023
Thereβs an egg shortage right now
because when one chicken catches the avian flu, the entire coop must be eggsecuted.
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︎ Jan 23 2023
There was a grocery store bagger.
One day the store installed a machine for squeezing fresh orange juice. Intrigued, the young man asked if he could be allowed to work the machine, but his request was denied. Said the store manager, "Sorry kid, but baggers can't be juicers."
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︎ Mar 01 2023
There were two fish hanging out in a tank. Then one asks the other fishβ¦
βHow do you drive this?β
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︎ Mar 08 2023
As an Aussie, Americans are always asking me where in Australia there "isn't" something trying to kill you...
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︎ Sep 20 2022
Wherever you go, there you are...
Your luggage is an entirely different story.
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︎ Mar 07 2023
Thereβs a word spelled wrong in my dictionary
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︎ Feb 26 2023
There once was a King who was only 12 inches tall...
He was a terrible leader, but he made a great ruler.
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︎ Jan 27 2023
When I died and went down to Hell, I was shocked to find there a grand buffet of exquisite cakes, pies, chocolate and every type of sweet dish known to me. Confused, I asked the demon standing nearby about it.
'Well, what else did you expect to find here? This is, after all, a place that serves just desserts', he replied, slightly peeved.
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︎ Feb 14 2023
There where a couple of pigeons sitting on my fence earlier, so I shouted at them and they both fell off and died.
I didn't know you could kill two birds with one's tone.
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︎ Jan 06 2023
something about a man with a gun over there?
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︎ Jan 10 2023
There were 2 goldfish in a tank.
One of them turns to the other and asks, "How do you drive this thing?"
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︎ Mar 04 2023
There was a huge fight at the seafood restaurant
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︎ Feb 18 2023
As an Aussie, Americans are always asking me where in Australia there *isn't* something trying to kill you...
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︎ Jan 19 2023
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