What's the weakest part of Tiger Woods game?
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︎ Feb 24 2021
How did the police find all the missing wood from the lumber yard?
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︎ Mar 20 2021
A father and son were sitting in the woods.
Son: Dad, do trees poop?
Dad: Of course son, how do you think we get #2 pencils.
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︎ Feb 20 2021
I put a piece of wood in my garage and came back the next day and there were two pieces. The day after 4 and the day after that 8!
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︎ Mar 04 2021
A priest in the woods has been attacked by a pack of wolves. In a moment of desperation, the priest started to ask God how to get out of this situation.
The wolves may be predators but he pray
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︎ Mar 02 2021
Why do you want to sleep in the woods?
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︎ Jan 30 2021
True story: So we were out today and sat at a table for some food. My 4yo asked what the holes and and notches were in the wood and my wife says βthey are knot holesβ.
Miss4 says βif they are not holes, what are they?β
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︎ Feb 06 2021
I'm building my own guitar, but every time I look at the wood I've bought for it, I get overwhelmed by anxiety about how it will turn out.
I shouldn't have started with the fretboard.
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︎ Feb 15 2021
There was a lumberjack who moonlighted as a serial killer. He used wood chippers to dispose of the bodies, which is why he was so prolific.
Every once in a while, these guys come out of the woodwork.
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︎ Jan 04 2021
Every time the camper heard something rustle in the woods he shouted, "It's a grizzly!"
Guess he was a bit bearanoid.
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︎ Dec 03 2020
My dad told me he met that famous actor on his walk in the woods.
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︎ Nov 18 2020
A guy is walking through the woods one day when he comes across a suitcase. He takes a look inside, only to find a fox and her cubs. So he calls the ASPCA and tells the woman who answers what heβs found...
She says, βOh, thatβs horrible. Are they moving?β
The guy replies, βI donβt know, but that would explain the suitcase.β
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︎ Jun 30 2020
Whatβs the scariest wood?
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︎ Sep 14 2020
Walk in the woods
Two guys are walking through a forest when they come across a lamppost. The first guy turns to the second and says "Whats a lamppost doing out in the middle of knowhere" and the second replies. "That's Narnia business"
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︎ Sep 10 2020
A woodcutter once decided to build his own motor bike. He used wood for the frame, wood for the engine, wood for the brakes, and even a wooden gas tank.
Did he ride it? No. It wooden start
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︎ Aug 08 2020
How did the crazy people find their way out of the woods ?
They followed the psycho path
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︎ Aug 12 2020
If a tree falls in the woods and nobody hears it
It means my illegal logging business is a success
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︎ Nov 25 2019
Two lumberjacks were cutting wood. One of them shouted at the other over the noise of the chainsaw, βWhat was the name of that tree ring dating app you were using?β
The other replied, βTiiiiimmmber!β
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︎ Sep 10 2020
What's the spookiest type of wood?
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︎ Aug 02 2020
I am sure someone has posted this one before, but, since I havenβt seen it, here goes! What did the wood screw say to the machine screw?
Wow! Those are some fine lookinβ threads, brotha!
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︎ Aug 14 2020
What's the best way to carve wood ?
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︎ Aug 02 2020
I saw a great deal online for a 'Replica Rolex' for only $50. I just opened the box and found it is completely made of wood...
To make matters worse, it is covered with a dark circular imperfection in the wood grain. I won't accept this - knot on my watch.
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︎ Jun 12 2020
I walked into a bank, pointed a long, thin piece of wood at the ceiling and shoutedβ¦
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︎ May 11 2020
Two travelers are lost in the woods when they come across a man lying in their path.
One says, βWeβre saved! We can ask him for directions!β His friend, however, had a somber expression on his face.
βDoesnβt something seem off to you about this man?β he replies, gesturing to the figure lying prostrate on the road before them.
βWhat do you mean?β said the first, confusion splayed across his features.
βI mean we canβt trust a thing he says. Heβs a pathological lier.β
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︎ May 29 2020
He wood've turned out great too, had he not turned to the other side
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︎ Apr 03 2020
Why canβt you cook wood on the stove?
Because itβs a non-stick pan...
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︎ May 08 2020
What wood be the problem?
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︎ Feb 25 2020
How do you find your dog if it's lost in the woods?
Put your ear up to a tree and listen for the bark!
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︎ Apr 05 2020
A lumberjack went into a magic forest to gather wood. As he found the perfect tree to cut down, he began sharpening his axe, and the tree exclaimed, βNO! Donβt chop me down! Iβm a talking tree!β
The lumberjack responded, βAnd you will dialogue.β
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︎ May 16 2020
What do you call a man looking for his wife in the woods?
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︎ Apr 24 2020
I think my friend who owns the apiary got into some poison ivy or something during a hike in the woods...
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︎ May 28 2020
I was hiking with my friend in the woods and bear attacked him
It was unbearable to watch
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︎ Apr 25 2020
Why did the blonde walk into a bank with a bag full of shredded wood?
She wanted to open a shavings account.
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︎ Apr 19 2020
People sometimes ask why I like going to the woods
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︎ Apr 23 2020
The Wood Glue I just bought doesn't stick.
I guess I got the wouldn't glue instead.
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︎ Oct 18 2019
I was going to take a hike in the woods today but realized tick season is starting
and I like my Corona without Lyme.
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︎ Mar 18 2020
What was the disobedient beaverβs favorite kind of wood?
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︎ Apr 19 2020
I walked into a bank, pointed a long, thin piece of wood at the ceiling and shoutedβ¦
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︎ Dec 27 2019
Why couldn't I fry wood on the stove?
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︎ Apr 22 2020
How do crazy people get through the woods?
They take the psycho path.
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︎ Dec 13 2019
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