Why do you want to sleep in the woods?
I'm building my own guitar, but every time I look at the wood I've bought for it, I get overwhelmed by anxiety about how it will turn out.
I shouldn't have started with the fretboard.
True story: So we were out today and sat at a table for some food. My 4yo asked what the holes and and notches were in the wood and my wife says “they are knot holes”.
Miss4 says “if they are not holes, what are they?”
There was a lumberjack who moonlighted as a serial killer. He used wood chippers to dispose of the bodies, which is why he was so prolific.
Every once in a while, these guys come out of the woodwork.
Every year around this time, my family and I go out to the woods to pick out and cut down our own menorah.
Every time the camper heard something rustle in the woods he shouted, "It's a grizzly!"
Guess he was a bit bearanoid.
My dad told me he met that famous actor on his walk in the woods.
A guy is walking through the woods one day when he comes across a suitcase. He takes a look inside, only to find a fox and her cubs. So he calls the ASPCA and tells the woman who answers what he’s found...
She says, “Oh, that’s horrible. Are they moving?”
The guy replies, “I don’t know, but that would explain the suitcase.”
What’s the scariest wood?
Walk in the woods
Two guys are walking through a forest when they come across a lamppost. The first guy turns to the second and says "Whats a lamppost doing out in the middle of knowhere" and the second replies. "That's Narnia business"
A woodcutter once decided to build his own motor bike. He used wood for the frame, wood for the engine, wood for the brakes, and even a wooden gas tank.
Did he ride it? No. It wooden start
How did the crazy people find their way out of the woods ?
They followed the psycho path
Two lumberjacks were cutting wood. One of them shouted at the other over the noise of the chainsaw, “What was the name of that tree ring dating app you were using?”
The other replied, “Tiiiiimmmber!”
What's the spookiest type of wood?
If a tree falls in the woods and nobody hears it
It means my illegal logging business is a success
I am sure someone has posted this one before, but, since I haven’t seen it, here goes! What did the wood screw say to the machine screw?
Wow! Those are some fine lookin’ threads, brotha!
What's the best way to carve wood ?
I saw a great deal online for a 'Replica Rolex' for only $50. I just opened the box and found it is completely made of wood...
To make matters worse, it is covered with a dark circular imperfection in the wood grain. I won't accept this - knot on my watch.
I walked into a bank, pointed a long, thin piece of wood at the ceiling and shouted…
Two travelers are lost in the woods when they come across a man lying in their path.
One says, “We’re saved! We can ask him for directions!” His friend, however, had a somber expression on his face.
“Doesn’t something seem off to you about this man?” he replies, gesturing to the figure lying prostrate on the road before them.
“What do you mean?” said the first, confusion splayed across his features.
“I mean we can’t trust a thing he says. He’s a pathological lier.”
He wood've turned out great too, had he not turned to the other side
Why can’t you cook wood on the stove?
Because it’s a non-stick pan...
What wood be the problem?
How do you find your dog if it's lost in the woods?
Put your ear up to a tree and listen for the bark!
A lumberjack went into a magic forest to gather wood. As he found the perfect tree to cut down, he began sharpening his axe, and the tree exclaimed, “NO! Don’t chop me down! I’m a talking tree!”
The lumberjack responded, “And you will dialogue.”
What do you call a man looking for his wife in the woods?
I think my friend who owns the apiary got into some poison ivy or something during a hike in the woods...
I was hiking with my friend in the woods and bear attacked him
It was unbearable to watch
Why did the blonde walk into a bank with a bag full of shredded wood?
She wanted to open a shavings account.
People sometimes ask why I like going to the woods
What was the disobedient beaver’s favorite kind of wood?
I was going to take a hike in the woods today but realized tick season is starting
and I like my Corona without Lyme.
The Wood Glue I just bought doesn't stick.
I guess I got the wouldn't glue instead.
If Kenny Loggins was to open a budget hotel complex in the woods...
.. Would they be called Kenny Log Inns?
An idiot goes walking through the woods...
After a short time, he realizes he is hopelessly lost. He gets hungry, but with no knowledge of a way to gain food, he decides to resort to cannablism. He begins to eat his arm, but soon finds he is satisfied and no longer hungry. This idiot in the woods was full of himself.
Lizzie Borden was found dead in the woods
Cause of death ruled Axe-idental
Two men are hunting in the woods...
Suddenly one of them spots tracks.
"Deer tracks" says the first hunter.
"Moose tracks, I know moose tracks when I see them" says the other hunter.
They keep arguing over the type of tracks they're looking at, until they get run over by a train.
People who use sleeping bags in the woods are soft tacos for bears.
What Happens When You Burn Unseasoned Wood From the Bayou?
I walked into a bank, pointed a long, thin piece of wood at the ceiling and shouted…
Why couldn't I fry wood on the stove?
How do crazy people get through the woods?
They take the psycho path.
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
