I used to play the triangle in a reggae band..... I had to quit,it was just one ting after another
๐Ÿ‘︎ 33
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/jimmysquirrel
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 04 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I used to be the triangle player in a Jamaican band but I had to quit....

It was always just one ting after another.

Edit: Thanks for all the positive reactions to this joke. Iโ€™m glad I could make a few of you chuckle today.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 11k
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ThroneDiscs
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
An Irishman finds a genie

All offenses aside, Iโ€™m originally from Britain and we make fun of the Irish ALL the time.

So an Irishman stumbles upon a genieโ€™s lamp and says to himself โ€œooh laddy what have we found here? I tink Iโ€™ll give it a rub to see if a genie appears!โ€

So he does, and lo, a puff of blue smoke comes pouring out of the spout, billows into the air and the genieโ€™s form becomes solid. It speaks, โ€œOh master of the lamp, I am your genie and I grant you three wishes.โ€

The Irishmanโ€™s eyes are wide open with glee, his cheeks and nose red with fire, he shouts โ€œtree wishes?! Thatโ€™s just brilliant!โ€ For me first wish, Iโ€™ll have a bottle of whiskey that never runs dry.โ€

The genie, eyes rolling, clicks his fingers and POOF a nice big bottle of whiskey appears before the Irishman. โ€œWell I tink weโ€™ll have to put this to the test!โ€ He snatches up the bottle, takes a long healthy swig, glug glug glug, and the bottle pops as he releases it from his lips, โ€œAhhhhhhhh!!!โ€ And to his amazement as soon as the liquid in the bottle settled, it gave a large burping โ€œbulp!โ€, released a large bubble, and when the bubble popped the bottle was full again. โ€œWELL Iโ€™LL BE! THATโ€™S THE MOST INCREDIBLE TING!โ€

The genie, steadfastly unimpressed, reminded the Irishman โ€œMaster, I will bring you fortune, splendor, reputation, treasures beyond any imagination. You have two wishes remaining. What would master want for a wish?โ€

The Irishman looks to the genie and says โ€œoh tatโ€™s easy! Iโ€™ll have two more of these!โ€

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/bbacconnn
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Continue with this trend!!

I was hungry. So I Czeched the fridge. ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡ฟ Nothing was there, so I was Russian over to the nearest restaurant. ๐Ÿ‡ท๐Ÿ‡บ I grabbed some Turkey, but it was layered in Greece. I Haiti ting food that isnโ€™t Swedened. ๐Ÿ‡น๐Ÿ‡ณ๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿ‡ท๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ช I felt like I could Italy food in my house. ๐Ÿ‡ฎ๐Ÿ‡น

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/thebitlifelover
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 14 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I was once in a Rasta band. I played the triangle.

I just stood at the back and ting

๐Ÿ‘︎ 12
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/gracemk1
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 21 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I didn't even look up from my desk.

Dropped this on a co-worker just now.

Them: ".. yeah and why do we even have to pay for air at the gas stations, we never used to."

Me: Well it's due to inflation.

I am confident I've seen this joke on reddit before, just happy I was able to execute it as good as possible. I got tingly when the conversation was heading this way and she dropped the perfect setup line. Grateful I've seen it before, pass it on and use it wisely.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 800
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/random_feedback
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 24 2017
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Learn Chinese in 5 min

LEARN CHINESE IN 5 MINUTES (You MUST read them out loud or it doesnt make as much sense)...

  1. Thats not right........ Sum Ting Wong
  2. Are you harboring a fugitive................... Hu Yu Hai Ding
  3. See me ASAP............. Kum Hia Nao
  4. Stupid Man...................... Dum Fuk
  5. Small horse... Tai Ni Po Ni
  6. Did you go to the beach?... Wai Yu So Tan
  7. I bumped in to a coffee table... Ai Bang Mai Fa Kin Ni
  8. I think you need a face lift... Chin Tu Fat
  9. It's very dark in here... Wao So Dim
  10. I thought you were on a diet... Wai Yu Mun Ching
  11. This is a tow away zone... No Pah King
  12. staying out of sight... Lei Ying Lo
  13. He's cleaning his automobile... Wa Shing Ka
  14. Your body odor is offensive... Yu Stin Ki Pu
  15. Great... Fa Kin Su Pah
๐Ÿ‘︎ 5
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/edg0023
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 18 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
A family of balloons

Here's a joke my dad told me. Sorry if you've heard it, but I found it hilarious, and I think you might enjoy it.

In a small town in the suburbs, there was a small family of balloons. There was a mummy balloon, a daddy balloon, and a small child balloon. Every night the boy would sleep between his parents, but his father had had enough.

"son, I know you love sleeping between us, but you're getting a bit too old for it., " the father said. "You're nearly 8, you're a big boy, and your mother and I think you should sleep in your own bed from now on. You can stay tonight but starting tomorrow we want you in your own bed. Do you understand?"

"Yeah dad, I understand..." the boy said with a maudlin tinge to his voice.

"okay son, I love you."

"love you too dad"

The next night the boy tried sleeping in his own bed, but there was a storm outside. It was a dark, ominous storm - the kind of storm that sounds like a cataclysm for the end of the world.

The boy was scared, so he went to sleep in his parents room. However when he tried to squeeze between them, he found he didn't fit. He felt defeated. He felt scared. He felt alone.

But then an idea struck him. He decided he'd just let a little bit of air out of his father. He tried to squeeze in again, but had no such luck. So he let a little bit of air out of his mother. He tried again. Still no luck. Finally, he decided to let some air out of himself. Success! He squeezed in tightly and drifted off to sleep.

The next morning his parents were furious. His father was feeling particularly angry, and screamed at his son.

"son, I told you not to sleep in our room. I told you to sleep in your own bed! Didn't I say that Hun?"

"yes dear," the mother said, feeling slightly deflated.

"so son, what do you have to say for yourself?" the father asked in anger.

"it was dark and stormy and..." the boy tried to spit out.

"I don't care son!" the father interrupted. "you can't keep doing this! I'm very disappointed. You've let me down, you've let me down, but worst of all..."

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/aesyr_raps
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 06 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
The Ancient Chinese God of Rhythm

"Coun-Ting" -My Jazz band teacher in his attempt to get the band to count

๐Ÿ‘︎ 9
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/carlosmon69
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 09 2014
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I would tell you...

I would tell a Mexican joke but that's crossing the line.

I would tell a gay joke, butt fuck it.

I would tell you a dirty Chinese joke but that's sum ting wong.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 8
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/jedijosh920
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 17 2015
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I met an old Chinese man named Ryan O'Connor so I asked him how he got that name

Chinese guy: "While in line at Ellis Island I was talking to the man in front of me named Ryan O'Connor. When I got to the front, the immigration official asked me for my name and I told him, "Tsam Ting"

๐Ÿ‘︎ 38
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/4chzbrgrzplz
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 02 2014
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Father in law just said this one to my pregnant wife

My wife is pregnant and talking about how much she weighs now but we don't have a scale so I asked her how she knows her weight.

She said she gets weighed every checkup at the doctors.

Her dad: do they have a weigh-ting room?

๐Ÿ‘︎ 7
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/achilles57
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 28 2015
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Regarding the diets of dairy cows.

I grew up in Vermont. Around my town were plenty of dairy farms, inviting the always wonderful manure aroma. An aroma that nearly forced my father to inhale deeply through his nose, saying, "Ah, fresh Vermont air!"

That's an excellent Dad one liner, as are most dad jokes, but he had another great one that I'm getting to.

You see, the hay bails we saw growing up in Vermont were mostly the cube variety. Hay bailing technology at the time created cubes of hay, so that's what dotted the fields they'd graze in.

As we grew older, we starting noticing the now more common round bails of hay. Dad was not pleased.

I asked him what the problem was or, at least, what his problem was with the round bails. The best jokes are set up when you ask for them.

So, he tells me. New farming technology allowed the round bails to be created more efficiently. They used less fuel in the bailers, took less passes on the field to gather the hay. They used less twine, and even though they didn't fill a truck as well as square bails, there was still a net monetary gain from the efficiency gained elsewhere.

However, studies were done on the bails. The cows approached them differently due to the different alignment of surface area. The way the rain hit the bails and rolled off as opposed to soaking in leached nutrients out of the hay. Some cows even mistook the shape of bail for another animal, and approached them so nervously that their heart rates were known to raise significantly; such a rate that a tinge of acidity could be tasted by those in the know in their milk.

What all of this amounted to... is that with the new round bails of hay, the cows just weren't getting a good square meal.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 59
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/estomasi
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 06 2013
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
On a trip to Universal Studios

This was quite a while ago, I was probably in middle school (currently 26). My family took a quick day trip to Universal Studios Hollywood since we live in the greater LA area. Now to set the scene, my dad is a native of Mexico but has lived here since his late teens so his English is pretty good with a tinge of an accent since Spanish is his primary language. We park in the parking garage on property and we do the usual "make a mental note of where we parked for later". That's when I see a smirk come across his face as he turns to me laughing under his breath.

-"What's so funny?"

-"Notice where we parked?"

-"Yeah. Jurassic Park lot, 3B"

Cue dad

-"Jurassic Park..." half expecting me to laugh. He continues "Jurassic Park... Jurr-Ass-is-Parked"

facepalm

As terrible as it was at the time, I've tried to pull this joke out with friends years later, eye rolls and crickets. Thanks dad.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 9
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/lpmark04
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 05 2015
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
A reggae band signed me up to play the triangle

I just stand at the back and ting

๐Ÿ‘︎ 5
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Josh2807
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 19 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I just got a job playing the triangle in a reggae band

I just stand at the back and ting.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 18
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/metalmarky82
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 22 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
So, just been asked to play the triangle in a reggae band...

I just sit at the back an' ting.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 7
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Maester_Magus
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 01 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I play the triangle in a reggae band

I just stand at the back and ting

๐Ÿ‘︎ 6
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Prangfandango
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 21 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I've just got a part in a reggae band playing the triangle,

All I have to do is stand at the back and ting.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Jayboden
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 26 2017
๐Ÿšจ︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.