What do you call the day after 2 days of constant rain?
The day I turned 42, my daughter walked up to me and said "happy...", and started timing on her watch. After a long silence she said...
"...40 second birthday".
I was so proud.
The other day my friend asked me if I noticed anything new about him after his vasectomy.
From what I could tell, there wasn't any vas deferens.
This popped in my head a few days ago. Why did the baker freak out after his latest project?
Because what he made was stolen!
My kids came out of school and told my partner they have made cards for her for Mother's Day. I asked for a card, but they said I had to wait until Father's Day. I told my boy I had made a card for him, and he could have it the day after tomorrow,
When I open the fridge after a long day at work only to find water, milk and juice, I start to feel like David Gilmour.
"How I wish... How I wish you were beer."
I got fired from my job at the bank after just one day
A woman asked me to check her balance so I pushed her over.
I was having a glass of wine with my wife after a long day and I heard her say "I love you so much and always look forward to being with you at the end of the day. I don't know what I'd do without you." "Is that you or the wine talking?" I asked. She replied "It's me...
What's the day after Thanksgiving?
Remember the good old days, when we used to eat cake, after someone blew all over it ?
Dad initiation joke... When my wife and son were discharged by the hospital after he was born, they said we have to get a pediatric appointment within the next few days. They said they usually fit new borns in.
I said, they absolutely have space- he’s only 20 inches and 6 lbs. [holding my hands up showing how small he is].
Why do so many people break off addictions the day after Thanksgiving?
There's a lot of cold turkey to go around.
After checking the delivery tracking app, my wife yelled in a fit of rage, “now my package isn’t coming for another 5 days!”
I replied, now you know how I feel.
A good title for a conservative news article a couple days ago when Trump declared “Stop the count!” after Biden started making gains but Trump still could’ve shocked the world would’ve been...
“Trump’s Not Down For the Count”
My dad after we almost hit a deer in the car the other day:
"You know, he's an expert in his field."
The person who had once kidnapped me got released after serving 10 years in prison. Since then, I secretly follow him to his house every single day without his knowledge.
I guess I'm suffering from 'stalk home' syndrome.
Why was the gay man exhausted after a long day at the office?
Because he worked 9 hours straight.
A surgeon had three surgeries assigned to the same day. After the first one he said: "One done, tumor to go"
Where did the steer sit after a long day of work?
After days I finally found the thing to turn the TV on with.
It was in a very remote place.
Bob Dylan came to my house the day after Daylight Savings and adjusted all of my clocks.
He said the times they were a-changin’.
Today, the day after Ash Wednesday, my assistant discovered she actually enjoys making spreadsheets.
I told her that was excellent.
.
(This is a true story.)
It's tradition in my family to always put up the Chris-mas decorations the day after Thanksgiving
Did you hear about the politician who came home late at night after a hard day at work?
If Christmas Eve is the day before Christmas, then what is the day after called?
What do you call the phenomenon when you find yourself eating the same Indian curry day after day after day?
A Vindaloop
(and no, I didn't even know about the South Park Episode named that until I searched Reddit to see if this was posted before)
Did you hear about the guy getting hit by the same bicycle everyday, day after day..
Yeh it was a vicious cycle!
The actor that played Luke on the Disney channel original TV show “Jessie” died the day after Friday
So Saturday’s really are for the Boyce
Y'know, the day after Thanksgiving always brings back memories of an old friend of mine who was addicted to Thanksgiving leftovers
He's okay now though, he quit cold turkey
What did the bug say to his bug wife after a bad day?
The day after our son died my wife came to me and said she felt like she wasn’t grieving properly and she felt bad.
The next day I woke up to her sobbing and I told her “good mourning!”
My wife walked into the house after a long day at work. She looked tired and stressed. I said, " Did anyone tell you, you look beautiful?"
She smiled and said "No"
I said "One day, One day"
As a refrigerator technician, after a hard day on the job, I like to relax...
Got a job at a turf farm. After the first day. I thought to myself.
“This is sodly satisfying..”
A small child was brought into hospital the other day after swallowing several small toy horses.
The doctors report that he is in a stable condition.
I was about to play cards after a long day’s work, but I found the aces missing.
I just can’t deal with this any more.
Hitting the bar after a ruff day at work
What did Beethoven do the day after he died?
I love Harry Potter but after re-reading the chapter the death-day party I realized something
Nearly headless nick was a very poorly executed character
I bought a desk lamp for a dirt cheap price but it broke the day after. Went to the store to complain but I couldn’t get it fixed or refunded.
The store’s manager told me that I bought a one night stand.
What did the T. rex day after CrossFit class?
My wife asked me: “Is it May tomorrow or the day after?”
I said: “Tomorrow, May be”
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
