Honey where's my super suit
π︎ 8
π
︎ Nov 13 2020
Why doesn't Batman have super vision?
... Because his parents died
π︎ 161
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︎ Sep 07 2020
Dad to his son; βDo you want to hear a really good Batman impression!?β
Son; βGo on, then.β
Dad growls; βNOOOOO, NOT THE KRYPTONITE!β
Son; βThatβs Superman.β
Dad; βThanks, Iβve been practicing a lot.β
π︎ 15k
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︎ Oct 23 2020
I had to choose between three cats. The first was super affectionate, like a dog. The second prefers to be alone all the time. I picked the third, whose personality is somewhere in between.
I named him Meat Loaf because he would do anything for love, but he wonβt do that.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Nov 08 2020
My piggy bank is getting super old...
I may have to change it out.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Oct 29 2020
Introducing the new rhyme speaking Green Onion with the super tight back beat! Please welcome the one! The only---
π︎ 15
π
︎ Sep 26 2020
I got gas for $1.19 today!
Unfortunately, it was from Taco Bell.
π︎ 5k
π
︎ Oct 01 2020
How does Super Mario get drunk?
π︎ 5
π
︎ Oct 04 2020
My daughter just dropped a dad joke that made me super proud.
We're celebrating my daughter's 4th birthday party today. She puts her giant number 4 balloon on her head, turns to me and says "Look daddy, it's a four-head!"
π︎ 660
π
︎ Jun 14 2020
Why is Toad the most popular character in the Super Mario World?
Because he's a real fungi!
π︎ 6
π
︎ Sep 16 2020
I told my son that the Super Bowl is next week. He said, "Cool! I wanna watch!"
I said, "Why? You're cell phone tells time."
π︎ 14
π
︎ Sep 04 2020
My friend works in IT and I asked him, βHow do you make a motherboard?β
He said, βI usually tell her about my job.β
π︎ 16k
π
︎ Aug 11 2020
Super important
π︎ 237
π
︎ Apr 23 2020
Super Nintendo chalmers
π︎ 22
π
︎ Jul 13 2020
Thereβs only one super hero who can get into this frozen dinner
π︎ 2
π
︎ Sep 01 2020
What do you call a gay couple from Alabama?
π︎ 460
π
︎ Oct 23 2020
Everyone was super stoked at the surgeon ward party.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Aug 25 2020
Most people really hate when cars have a super reflective wrap, they think itβs too showoffy.
Personally, I can see myself in one of them.
π︎ 11
π
︎ Aug 08 2020
A pretty young woman came to my door and asked if I wanted super sex
I replied "I'll have soup, please"
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jul 09 2020
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
π︎ 27
π
︎ Apr 17 2020
I finally see why people donβt like the live action DC films!
Because they donβt do the heroes justice
π︎ 5
π
︎ Nov 21 2020
I went to the opticians yesterday and she asked to sing a high note when I asked why, she told me
βSo we know if you can C#β
π︎ 11
π
︎ Nov 17 2020
An American, a Frenchman, a Spaniard, and a German man are all watching a street performer
The street performer notices the four men are very far to the back and cannot see, so he stands on a box and continues his performance while asking, "Can you all see me now?"
"Yes."
"Oui."
"Si."
"Ja."
π︎ 104
π
︎ Sep 18 2020
I accidentally made a joke about super smash bros
I didn't nintendoe do that
π︎ 9
π
︎ May 19 2020
How does French Super Mario tell his fortune?
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jun 11 2020
Deep in the villainβs super secret base
Deep in the villainβs super secret base, he noticed that his 10β concrete filled steel walls looked bare. He asked his minions why was there no large, artistic rendering of his terrifying logo hanging behind his desk.
His minions replied, βWeβve tried everywhere, but weβve been unable to find a sketchy artist.β
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jul 07 2020
I miss Cubs baseball so much that I asked my kid to build me a super realistic Wrigley Field in Minecraft.
She did a great job, because just like the real Wrigley these days, the only seats I could afford had blocked views.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jun 28 2020
What do you call a clever yet contemptible Brit who makes chocolate and candy in a super-secret factory?
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jul 01 2020
Did you hear about the middle eastern super hero?
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jul 06 2020
We have a strict hierarchy policy for PPE usage at my office...
Regular workers must wear small face shields, while Managers get to use the super-visors.
π︎ 12k
π
︎ Jul 13 2020
Thanks man
π︎ 5k
π
︎ May 05 2020
Super, man
π︎ 129
π
︎ Feb 27 2020
Did you hear about that chef at the Indian restaurant that was bitten by a radioactive spider?
He hoped to receive super strength, but it was just naan-sense.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Nov 04 2020
Why was the soup in a good mood?
Because it felt super duper!
π︎ 2
π
︎ Nov 26 2020
I just accidentally super-glued my thumb and index finger together!! At first, I started to panic, but then I remembered that...
...itβs always going to be okay...
π︎ 7
π
︎ May 16 2020
Who's the fastest super hero?
π︎ 2
π
︎ May 02 2020
I was once a boy trapped in a womanβs body
π︎ 1k
π
︎ Jun 29 2020
Taking the Browns to the Super Bowl shouldnβt be a metaphor for pooping
It should be a metaphor for constipation
π︎ 6
π
︎ May 05 2020
What do you call the biggest size of soup you can order in restaurants?
π︎ 5
π
︎ Sep 09 2020
This Halloween, I decided to go as a gigantic butter knife.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Nov 10 2020
My YouTube video about Covid-19 is super popular.
Itβs viral and spreading rapidly.
π︎ 9
π
︎ Mar 25 2020
π︎ 16
π
︎ Jan 27 2020
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