The founder of modern study.
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︎ Oct 20 2020
My son just told me that he is studying Mesopotamia this term
I said βGreat, I can Babylon about it for hours!β
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︎ Feb 02 2021
What kind of cat passes an exam without studying?
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︎ Feb 26 2021
I studied Morse code so I could tap out dad jokes with my ham radio, but I only learned half of the code.
So I'm no expert at it, just a pundit.
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︎ Feb 15 2021
Studies show that 6 out of 7 dwarfs...
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︎ Jan 17 2021
According to a recent study, itβs really hard for women to work for the Postal Service.
Itβs a mail dominated industry.
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︎ Jan 15 2021
My wife is studying to become a massage therapist
All she wants to do is study and practice. Iβve got to cook; Iβve got to clean. Itβs tough.
But I have to say, at the end of the day, it does feel nice to be kneaded
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︎ Feb 10 2021
A local contractor hired a pasta chef to redo the interior of a doctorβs office that studies antibiotics.
The inside looks great! They have a penne ceiling.
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︎ Feb 11 2021
What do fish study in school?
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︎ Jan 04 2021
I went to University to study to be a doctor.
Unfortunately, I had to drop out. I just didn't have the patients.
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︎ Jan 19 2021
I tried to study abroad once in college
She asked me if I had a staring problem
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︎ Feb 09 2021
What do you call someone that studies the science of wish granting?
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︎ Jan 21 2021
Our dog has been a little under the weather so we took him in for a checkup. The vet picked him up, studied him for a bit, sighed and said, "I'm really sorry, but I'm gonna have to put him down." Tears welling in my eyes I sputtered, "Why!? What's wrong with him?"
The vet replied, "Nothing major, he's just really heavy!"
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︎ Dec 16 2020
I read a study that sailing in Finland is mostly done by women
If a man takes the helm, they're afraid that Helsinki
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︎ Jan 15 2021
You know what you should do if you want to really study something?
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︎ Feb 02 2021
A professor studies bisexual people
He is a professor of biology
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︎ Dec 15 2020
So I read a study the other day claiming that βhumans eat more bananas than monkeysβ
Which to me sounded a bit obvious. I canβt remember the last time I ate a monkey.
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︎ Nov 12 2020
Studies have revealed that cows produce much more milk when the farmers talk to them.
It's a case of, in one ear and out of the uddet
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︎ Jan 18 2021
After a half century of study, Iβve discovered the true connection between mind and body.
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︎ Jan 18 2021
Recent studies have shown that roughly 80% of goth girls in our country's high schools enjoy reading parenting magazines.
Strangely enough, they mostly only read the daddy issues.
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︎ Jan 10 2021
My sister, the biologist, was studying cell division when she dropped her microscope on my toe.
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︎ Dec 08 2020
Albert Einstein was a genius and worthy of praise and study.
His brother Frank was an absolute monster.
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︎ Nov 17 2020
The US Navy will start to equip all their subs with emotional support dogs. After a lot study, they decided on Dachshunds...
...they will be subma-weiners.
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︎ Oct 24 2020
I should be studying
his jokes were so funny i started crying from laughter
i guess i have a sense of aqueous humor
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︎ Nov 22 2020
I was recently rejected from a mushroom studying school.
They said there wasn't mushroom for a fungi like me.
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︎ Nov 19 2020
I wanted to study astronomy...
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︎ Dec 07 2020
What do you call a scientist who studies avian sexuality?
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︎ Nov 19 2020
If Queen Elizabeth farts during dinner, all the other guests are supposed to pretend as if nothing happened.
Noble gases have no reaction.
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︎ Jan 10 2021
There was a recent study showing that crows were hit a lot more by trucks than cars...
they came to the conclusion that this was because crows can warn each other by going "CAAAR CAAAR" but can't say "TRUCK TRUCK"
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︎ Dec 02 2020
I conducted a study for Steve Jobs regarding the lack of evolution in his employees.
Those are Apple Bottom Genes.
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︎ Nov 28 2020
Gabe was muttering incoherently. He'd been up all night studying for the history exam.
I poked my head in his room, and he was blathering about how he wanted to quit school and be a truck driver.
"I'm gonna get one of those big beautiful Peterbuilts, with all the running lights everywhere. Or maybe a Mack with an extended cab..."
"Better brew him a pot of coffee," I told his mother. "The final is in a half hour, and he's only semi-conscious."
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︎ Nov 21 2020
I was studying for my history exam and really struggling. I asked my mum what I should do...
βWhy donβt you help me with the laundry? Its whites today.β She said.
βHow will that help?β I asked.
βWell I hear whitewashing is good for revising history.β
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︎ Oct 17 2020
I donβt trust double blind studies
Itβs literally the blind leading the blind.
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︎ Oct 03 2020
Studying Chemistry at the moment, I just learned that Sulphuric acid should never be left in a metal beaker..
..It's an oxidant waiting to happen.
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︎ Aug 19 2020
I got picked for this five-day-a-week, year-long sleep study. It pays $15,000 a month.
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︎ Jun 06 2020
What does a seal study in school?
Art, Art, Art, Art, Art, ....
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︎ Nov 01 2020
Researchers are studying beavers when clocks were put in their homes
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︎ Nov 05 2020
What kind of equipment do you need to study birds?
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︎ Oct 20 2020
An independent study showed that the average household in America uses 3.14 pumpkins between Halloween and thanksgiving
No wonder they call it pumpkin pi!!!!
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︎ Oct 28 2020
Recent studies are examining the effects of replacing birdbath water with alcohol
Its bird-gin-ing research.
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︎ Oct 27 2020
Have you heard the joke about the capital building?
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︎ Jan 06 2021
I have two college friends who studied ancient Egyptian plumbing.
They were pharaoh faucet majors.
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︎ Oct 10 2020
I wrote a card for my friend who just graduated high school and wants to study geology and/or paleontology in college. She also likes puns :)
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︎ Jul 26 2020
My brother is starting a history degree and one of his modules is studying the Stuarts
My dad asked, "Jackie or Rod?"
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︎ Oct 11 2020
How often do people who study scientific elements tell dad jokes?
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︎ Jun 14 2020
So, I read a study the other day claiming that "humans eat more bananas than monkeys".
Which - to me - sounded a bit obvious. I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.
π︎ 1k
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︎ Aug 01 2020
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