My family told me to stop telling Thanksgiving jokes.
But I can’t quit cold Turkey.
How Do You Stop A Mormon from Drinking All the Beer in Your Party?
Invite two Mormon to your party.
How do you stop a bull from charging?
I am driving through England, and plan to stop at Greenwich tomorrow.
No idea what to do in the Mean Time.
Please stop giving me leftover pork
I'm no longer accepting ham me downs
How do you stop Canadian bacon from curling in the pan?
Take away their tiny brooms.
My wife said she'll leave me if I don't stop speaking in Star Wars quotes.
Divorce is strong with this one.
My wife asked me to stop making Linkin Park refrences or she'll leave me.
But in the end it doesn't even matter.
I had a girlfriend who just would not stop counting. I finally broke up with her a week or so ago.
I wonder what she's up to now.
How do you stop an argument between two deaf people?
I returned my lizard to the pet shop today as it wouldn't stop telling me jokes
The store assistant said "That isn't a lizard, it is a stand-up chameleon".
My wife told me to stop acting like a flamingo.
So, I had to put my foot down.
In order to save money, I decided to stop using tires on my bicycle.
So far, the idea hasn’t gained any traction.
I have a disease where I can’t stop telling airport jokes
My doctor says it’s terminal
My wife keeps telling me to stop mocking our flamingos
So I had to put my foot down.
My wife told me she was sick of my Motown puns and after 5 years of them it was time to stop
Me: oh come one, it's only been 3 years, Four Tops
I was pissed when the kids refused to listen to me and stop playing inside our chimney.
I said, “fine! Soot yourself”
When my friends talk about the 80s they think of boom boxes..i had to stop them.
That's just a stereo type
I can’t stop talking about Bruce Willis movies. I guess old habits,
My wife asked me what would stop the stairs from creaking..
Apparently “Weight Watchers” was not the right answer.
My wife told me to stop and grab her 6 sprites.
My wife just yelled at me. She said she wants me to stop standing around like a flamingo
I’m getting tired of this, I’m gonna put my foot down
Dorothy couldn’t stop photoshopping her dog into other pictures
She just loved faking Totos
My wife was getting annoyed at me singing Wonderwall all day long. She asked me to stop
When you die, what is the last part of your body to stop working?
Your pupils. They dilate.
Sometimes I just can't stop myself
Mark lamented to his social group, "I believe we really don't know anything about each other and that we're only bonding through humor. Do you notice as soon as we're out of jokes, all of our "conversations" stop?"
To remedy this, his social group decided that the next time they gathered they would act like Mark's brothers.
Why did Waldo stop going to the gym?
Because nobody could spot him
Please can everyone stop posting Michael Jackson "jokes" on here.
It's now 13 years since the King of Pop died, there remain significant concerns about his personal life, plus most of these are just really lame puns about his song titles.
And that's... Bad
Why did they stop building the monument outside the law library?
It reached the statue of limitations
I keep telling my kids to stop with the pillow fights.
Someone's gonna end up with a concushion.
What do you tell a bone when you want him to know that he must stop what he is doing?
I don't mean tibia jerk, but you kneed to a-bone-don what you are doing!
Could use some parenting advice for my son who’s going through a phase where he’s constantly touching his “peepee parts” in public. What can be done to stop it?
And are most 29-year olds like this?
Your sister won't stop crying?
You've got yourself a crisis
My 6 year old son won’t stop chewing on electrical cords.
I’m trying to stop eating deli meat
but it’s hard to quit cold turkey.
“Doc, I can’t stop singing the Green Green Grass of Home”
He said: “That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome.”
“Is it common?” I asked.
“It’s not unusual” he replied.
How do you stop a bull from charging?
Why is it so hard to stop being a pirate?
One you lose a hand, you're hooked!
Sometimes I tell dad jokes in rest stop bathrooms.
Which is partly why he hates road trips with me.
What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants?
One's a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.
My doctor told me to stop eating wheat, rice, oats and barley.
This recommendation really goes against the grain.
I have this really tall colleague. So tall in fact, he's the tallest at the office. But then an even taller guy showed up, and the other guy can't stop talking about how mad it makes him
He's beginning to sound like a broken record
How do you stop to deaf people from arguing?
After you die, what part of the human body is the last to stop working?
Your pupils--they dilate.
Did you know that your pupils are the last thing to stop working when you die?
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