I told her to look them up on the web.
Went out. Had a few drinks. Nice guy. He's a web designer.
Amazon Web Services
Because they are Web developers.
I said, “Why? It is the same movie if you watch it nearby.”
In fact, most of them aren't religious at all!
The fly kept getting stuck.
I put a Spider-Man sticker on the refrigerator. Wife did not like it.
Me : it’s Marvel-lous now
Wife rips off the sticker
Daughter : Now it’s Marvel-less.
A Mo-squit-o
It's okay, I have it under Ctrl.
He lost May
They're natural debuggers! :D
Because in Europe they'd call him Kilometers Morales.
It’s now month later, and I have to explain to my wife why we have hundreds of black widow babies.
"Hold on tight!" says the first caterpillar and he quickly chews through the branch.
It snaps and they begin to fall, but he grabs two protruding twigs and uses them to steer the branch through the air with grace and finesse.
"That's amazing!!" says the second caterpillar. "How in the hell are you doing that?!"
The first caterpillar scoffs.
"Am I the only one in the whole damn forest who knows how to drive a stick!?"
Mom replies, "Oh your Father, he was really a hopeless romantic."
Bug lite.
You spend too much time on the web.
Scared the shit out of me
A Weber
Because he was an excellent parallel Parker.
Credit: Hank Greene
It can find everything on the web (internet)
Don't worry, it was under control.
He was a bad parallel Parker.
They're always on the web
He said, "But son, it's the same film if you watch it here."
Scared the Dickens out of me
Because, naturally, he's a parallel Parker.
Save them to your Phone and always have witty jokes at the palm of your hand.
3.14 percent of sailors are pi-rates.
5/4 of people admit they’re bad at fractions.
A bartender broke up with her boyfriend, but he kept asking her for another shot.
A brain walks into a bar and takes a seat. “I’d like some wings and a pint of beer, please,” it says. “Sorry, but I can’t serve you,” the bartender replies. “You’re out of your head.”
A cheeseburger walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'Sorry, we don't serve food here.'
A college education now costs $100,000, but it produces three very proud people: the student, his mama, and his pauper.
A couple of cups of yogurt walk into a country club. “We don’t serve your kind here,” the bartender says. “Why not?” one yogurt asks. “We’re cultured.”
A friend of mine didn’t pay his exorcist. He got repossessed.
A friend of mine is known for sweeping girls off their feet. He’s an extremely aggressive janitor.
A guy walks into a bar, and there’s a horse serving drinks. The horse asks, “What are you staring at? Haven’t you ever seen a horse tending bar before?” The guy says, “It’s not that. I just never thought the parrot would sell the place.”
A guy walks into a bar...and he was disqualified from the limbo contest.
A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head. The bartender says, “What’s with the paper towel?” The pirate says, “Arrr! I’ve got a Bounty on me head!”
A turtle is crossing the road when he’s mugged by two snails. When the police ask him what happened, the shaken turtle replies, “I don’t know. It all happened so fast.”
Armed robbers—some say they’re a drain on society, but you’ve got to give it to them.
Barbers…you have to take your hat off to them.
Can February March? No, but April May!
Cooking out this weekend? Don’t forget the pickle. It’s kind of a big dill.
Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don't think they'll fit me.
Dad, can you put the cat out? I didn't know it was on fire.
Dad, did you get a haircut? No, I got them all cut!
Dad: Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? Son: No. What happened? Dad: The teacher woke him up.
Daughter: I have a lot of friends named Nathan. There’s Nathan Miller, Nathan Radcliff, Nathan Lewis… Me: When they are together, do you call them the United Nathans?
Dear Math, grow up and solve your own problems.
Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head!
Did you hear about the aquatic sea mammals that escape
... keep reading on reddit ➡Seymore
What did a 8-toothed mommy alligator and a 10-toothed daddy alligator name their 9-toothed baby?
Maurice (they just liked the name)
After all computers have so much bugs
Cast-a-nets
he looked silly, they were way too big for him.
He was experienced in web development.
Went out. Had a few drinks. Nice guy. He's a web designer.
He lost May
So I did. We had a few drinks, pretty cool guy, said he works as a web developer.
They can find everything on the web.
We was a bad parallel Parker.
so we went in a bar, had a few beer's it was fun.. it turns out he was a web designer
He said it was leg leg leg leg leg leg leg leg day.
He’s an excellent parallel Parker 😬
