Why did the Soviet army have such great soldiers

They were all excellent at marxmanship

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
🚨︎ report
There were no mines in Soviet Russia

They were called ours

πŸ‘︎ 6k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hessim20
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a soviet sniper?

A marxman.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NN111NN
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Why are the soviets so quick at doing their work?

Because they are russian

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr_midnightmare
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the architecture student get points off on his blueprint of a Soviet house?

Unnecessary Marx and Engels.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/subpar-at-best
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2020
🚨︎ report
If pronouncing my B’s as V’s makes me sound russian...Then soviet.
πŸ‘︎ 10k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Roody_killer
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the Soviet Union not attack Germany right away?

They were Stalin.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/karma-enigma
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2020
🚨︎ report
History has shown that during the Cold War, the US warheads feared a Soviet nuclear strike

They really went bunkers

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Projkt88
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2020
🚨︎ report
If talking about socialism alienates some of my friends, then Soviet.
πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Genesis1522
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2020
🚨︎ report
The soviet union was doomed to fail.

The red flags were everywhere.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2020
🚨︎ report
What is the difference between Russian roulette and Soviet roulette?

In Soviet roulette everyone dies equally

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/oleolesp
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Mikhail Gorbachev started an anti-alcohol campaign in USSR in 1980s. People went crazy because of the restrictions on selling of alcohol. An old Soviet joke went like this:

β€œA disaffected and angry citizen, fed up of standing in lines for vodka, decided to go assassinate Gorbachev. He soon came back and ruefully reported that the lines to assassinate Gorbachev were even longer than the lines for vodka.”

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OtsuKotsu
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2020
🚨︎ report
I would stay away from the Soviet Union

There's a lot of red flags you need to watch out for.

πŸ‘︎ 109
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Eireannach0
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2019
🚨︎ report
In Soviet Russia, all the letters are small

Because they're not capitalized

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/-AntiMattr-
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the Soviet Union win the Space Race?

Because they're always Russian.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sgt_PoopyMan
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2020
🚨︎ report
(Insert soviet anthem here)
πŸ‘︎ 39
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThunderMuffin16
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Apparently they are still searching for the spy plane that was shot down over the former Soviet Union in 1960.

They still haven’t found what they’re looking for.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Konamicoder
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the Soviet soldier say to his friend when he saw a German plane approaching?

β€œStuka blyat”

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Lmaodatgay
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Went to my date’s house after dinner last night and saw she had a Soviet flag covering the entire wall

I knew that was a big red flag

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Smoothmcdoodles
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do people in the soviet union procrastinate?

Because they love Stalin

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/h0ldmycovfefe
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2020
🚨︎ report
What is the Soviet Union version of a Grammar Nazi?

A ,rade.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/OrikamiPanio
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2020
🚨︎ report
An American spy is in Soviet Russia, digging up information on a powerful Russian politician. He finds him in a bar, walks in dressed in Russian attire, pretending to be Russian. Everybody in the bar looks at him, but he keeps his cool. He orders a drink and walks to the politician...

"Greetings, comrade." says the spy, but before he could finish his sentence, the Russian says, "I think you are American spy."

The spy is alarmed, but being a skilled, trained, spy, he says, "That is not true! I am the proudest Soviet there is! I can sing the anthem more beautifully than any other man in the country!"

He then proceeds to sing the Soviet anthem, so melodically and beautifully, that everybody in the bar cheers.

"Very good, very good!" says the politician. "But I still think you are spy."

The man continues to keep his cool.

"I am a historian! I can tell you everything about this glorious country!"

He then spends about two hours recounting the Revolution, the Great Patriotic War, about how superior to the Russia is in terms of technology compared to America and makes a great argument about how communism is beneficial to society.

"Amazing! You are skilled!" says the politician.

The spy smirks.

"But I still think you American spy."

The spy is getting frustrated, but still unfazed.

He replies, "I am good drinker, a true Russian! Let us drink, and see who can come out top!"

The bar turns its attention to the politician and the spy, who are now in a drinking contest.

The bartender serves drink after drink of vodka.

After about an hour of drinking, the politician nearly passes out, unable to hold as much liquor as the spy, to a resounding cheer amongst the bar.

In the midst of the cheering, the Russian politician gets up, smiling, and in a slurred speech, repeats, "You are good, you are good... but I still think you are spy."

The American spy, piss drunk, loses his skill and gives up.

"Okay, you got me. I am an American. But what made you think that way, after all this time?"

The Russian politician replies, "There aren't many black people in Russia."

πŸ‘︎ 90
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2019
🚨︎ report
I don't get how Russians didn't see the demise of the Soviet Union coming

There were red flags all over the place

πŸ‘︎ 215
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kangamooo
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Soviet Shoenion
πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Beanier-Than-You
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2019
🚨︎ report
The Soviet was eager to get to the border to defect

He was Russian to the Finnish line

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ladder_of_cheese
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2020
🚨︎ report
If we can’t stop communism then Soviet
πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HandCrimped
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2019
🚨︎ report
In Soviet Union comment corrects you
πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/silverwolf_raven
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Who’s responsible for the fall of the Soviet Union?

Everyone. They all share the blame.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Why didn't the Soviet chicken cross the road?

He was Stalin

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MasonSheep
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2019
🚨︎ report
The Soviet Union did things pretty slowly...

I guess they were Stalin around.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shamieee
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2019
🚨︎ report
What's a Soviet Russians Favourite unit of time?

Hours

πŸ‘︎ 55
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Finlaydtait
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a pirate ship in the Soviet Union

The USS Aarrgh

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PotatoSeed7
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do Soviet planes crash all the time?

Cuz they Stalin, and they can’t recover from it fast enough.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Captainjbao
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2019
🚨︎ report
I played the Soviet National Anthem next to my window

Now there's an Iron Curtain that I can't tear down!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rhino2115
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Why didn't the Soviets push the Nazis back immediatly?

Because they were Stalin them.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rodinii
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Ah, Soviet...

My history teacher said we were going on a trip to Russia. I asked, "Do we have to go?" She said, "Unless you want to fail, yes." I replied, "Ah, Soviet..."

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DReinholdtsen
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2019
🚨︎ report
What kept the Soviets from making careless mistakes?

common cents

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Suffocatedwallaby
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2019
🚨︎ report
An old married couple are taking a stroll in Soviet Russia.

While they are walking it starts to precipitate. The man insists that it is raining, but his wife, who has only ever lived further up north where it can only snow, thinks that it is some weird form of snow. They spend a few minutes trying to convince each other before the man says β€œlet’s ask Officer Rudolf, he’s a very smart man!” So they stop and say β€œOfficer Rudolf, is it raining or snowing?” Officer Rudolf confirms that it is raining, and the couple continues to stroll. Later the wife asks how he knew Officer Rudolf could answer them. The man simply replies, β€œbecause Rudolf the Red knows rain, dear.”

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Willdoeswarfair
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you know that the Soviet Union didn't have mines?

They only had ours!

πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Wombat1892
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Flag of the Soviet Onion
πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2018
🚨︎ report
I've been trying to launch my business importing Soviet neckwear but in this political climate its impossible.

No one wants anything to do with my Russian ties.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/symmetrygear
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2018
🚨︎ report
What is another name for the fall of the Soviet Union?

The Fault In Our Tsars.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheScarletSho
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Why don't cars start in the soviet union?

They keep on Stalin.

πŸ‘︎ 34
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LAL99
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2018
🚨︎ report
My Soviet Friend and I were late for a movie,

and he told me to stop Stalin and start Russian.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2018
🚨︎ report
In Soviet Russia

Back in the old USSR, a Soviet inspector met with the foreman of a large manufacturing facility.

Inspector: good morning comrade, how many men work here?

Foreman: about half

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bertrandmacklin
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2018
🚨︎ report
If pronouncing my b's as v's makes me sound Russian, then soviet.
πŸ‘︎ 30k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/buckeyespud
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2018
🚨︎ report
If pronouncing by b's like v's makes me sound Russian, then Soviet.
πŸ‘︎ 38
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/allnerdsbewareme
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2019
🚨︎ report
If pronouncing by b's like v's makes me sound Russian, then Soviet.
πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/allnerdsbewareme
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2019
🚨︎ report

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