Self Serving Puns

So I went in and hired myself..

I went in and hired myself.

So we're out at a salad buffet type restaurant with self server ice-cream. My father, being quite the large human, makes himself a monstrosity of an ice-cream. This thing is like 6-8 inches tall and sitting on a baby sugar cone. He proceeds to eat the phalic dessert with much enthusiasm and I ask him,

"Dad are you enjoying that?"

He stops mid lick

"Not half as much as this icecream is"

My father ladies and gentlemen.

The pay isn't much, but at least I can put food on the table.

For tax purposes, he invested in a gas station that was losing money. It was just self-serving

The place was Self-Serve.

I hate eating at buffets; everyone there is a self serving jerk.

Not mushroom on your plate.

(also works if there is everything but mushrooms self served)

I was having dinner with my family when I remembered a joke from this sub. I thought, "Hey, I could get a couple groans from this."

Me: "Why should you always arrive at the tennis court before it opens?"

Dad: "Why?"

Me: "First come, first serve."

Everyone gave a slight chuckle after that.

Dad: "So if you're all alone, would it be self-service?"

I was so stunned by how clever he out-dadjoked me.

So my family and I are eating our usual thanksgiving dinner, turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, you name it. My sister really likes sweet drinks, so she would serve her self a glass of grape juice almost right after her previous ones. After a couple of refills, my dad says "Do you want some dinner with your juice?" He says this for every damn thing. I like syrup on my waffles like the next guy but pour a little much and he says "Want some waffles with your syrup?" Every. Damn. Time.