A chemist plants a seed

He takes good care of it every day. He waters it and fertilizes the soil around it. As it becomes a big and healthy tree, the chemist thinks to himself: What a good chemist-tree.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/therderper123
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Have you heard about that sauce made by a guy who plants seeds outside Stockholm?

He’s calling it Sweden Sower Sauce

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DarkDragon1025
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2020
🚨︎ report
So a man walked up to me and placed some soil, plant seeds and fertilizer on my head.

It was annoying at first, but I think it grew on me!

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MrEpicGamerMan
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2019
🚨︎ report
I never really cared for gardening, but after planting a few seeds..

It grew on me

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kashindabank
πŸ“…︎ Feb 29 2020
🚨︎ report
A Dad joke planted as a seed, which took 17 years to flower.

Not quite as tragic, but it manifested into something which has haunted me at my job for years.

When I was a little kid learning about the world around me, my dad was naturally the font of all knowledge for me, He would answer all of little snippersmith's questions with his own unique insights and anecdotes teaching me of my surroundings with varying degrees of accuracy.

One day In a picture book, I encountered a photo of one of natures most bizarre creatures, the mighty duck billed platypus. Filled with curiosity of this bizarre creature and an Inability to read a young snippersmith asked his father what this creature was called, To which his father replied,

That's a Quackopotamous.....

As is a highly likely situation in day to day life the Platypus (or indeed the Quackopotamous), did not come into conversation for another 17 years, Until of course the Platypus came into conversation around the lunch table at a now grown up snippersmith's full time place of work.

I have not been allowed to forget I thought the Platypus was called a Quackopotamous, Indeed I am reminded on a daily basis by my colleagues, by my nickname Quackopotamous .

Thanks Dad.

EDIT 1: Holy Cow this took off! Gold! thank you so much.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/snippersmith
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2016
🚨︎ report
I was originally opposed to the idea of planting a seed on my back

But it's really grown on me

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TerlerSwerft
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2018
🚨︎ report
My daughter really changed a lot after becoming a vegan.

It’s like I’ve never seen herbivore.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bbbbra
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2020
🚨︎ report
There was an old man who lived by a forest. As he grew older and older, he started losing his hair, until one day, on his deathbed, he was completely bald. That day, he called his children to a meeting...

He said, "Look at my hair. It used to be so magnificent, but it's completely gone now. My hair can't be saved. But look outside at the forest. It's such a lovely forest with so many trees, but sooner or later they'll all be cut down and this forest will look as bald as my hair."

"What I want you to do..." the man continued. "Is, every time a tree is cut down or dies, plant a new one in my memory. Tell your descendants to do the same. It shall be our family's duty to keep this forest strong."

So they did.

Each time the forest lost a tree, the children replanted one, and so did their children, and their children after them.

And for centuries, the forest remained as lush and pretty as it once was, all because of one man and his re-seeding heirline.

πŸ‘︎ 21k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2019
🚨︎ report
You can't plant flowers if you haven't botany.
πŸ‘︎ 6k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/twofirstkinds
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2018
🚨︎ report
What's the difference between mom jokes and dad jokes?

Mom jokes gives birth to laughter. Dad jokes plant the seed to laugh.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/manlymanhood
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Do dandelions have a plan when they reproduce?

Nope. They're just flying by the seed of their plants.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ministroni
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2019
🚨︎ report
I’ve been doing some gardening lately

I went to the hardware store to pick up some plants and seeds for my garden, and my thyme seeds wouldn’t scan. The manager told me I could just have them, so I guess I’ve got some free thyme on my hands.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/steemboat
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2019
🚨︎ report
How Do You Succeed?
  1. go to Walmart and buy some plant seeds.
  2. take them out of the bag.
  3. suck on them. (Suc - ceed) - suck seed.
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lordofvibes
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2018
🚨︎ report
Lies out parents told us when we were little.

I'll start with mine.

  1. If you eat the seeds of the watermelon, a watermelon plant will grow in your stomach.

  2. If you grow up in a foreign country your face will turn into one of a foreigner (as chinese immigrants to spain, my parents told me this to get me to go to school)

  3. My grandpa used to tell me that if I moved too much after eating the food would leak into my blood veins and I would die. Needless to say that scarred me for a long period of my infancy.

  4. My grandma, conversely, told me that if I slept face down I would crush my heart and die. Screw you, grandma...

  5. One of the most cruel lies was from my uncle, in which every time we heard police sirens, he would hurry and exclaim that the police was going after me for having too many toys... Made me scared of cops for a long time.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Dronelisk
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2013
🚨︎ report
This conversation between my (ex)gf.

Long post is long:

Her: Remember dad's tomato bushes? Well they're attacking! At least one is leaning across the path trying to get at my window... We had the war of the roses, now its time for the attack of the tomatoes!

Me: I don't remember anything about tomato bushes. From one battle to the next.

Her: Yep! Lookout tomatoes here comes the chutney recipe!

Me: I can just imagine a cucumber campaign. Operation onion would be next, which will fail, causing everyone to cry. Dill Day follows, a great success for the allied gardeners. All too soon though, the kamikaze carrots set in, utterly ruining the radish raid. The mushroom maneuver is employed, saving the troops, allowing them to deal the final blow in the asparagus assault!

Her: Don't forget the pumpkins want to supply ground cover with heavy support...

Me: Ah yes, the pumpkin paratroopers.

Her: Thyme is running out...

Me: Prepare the beetroot bombs!!!

Her: Aim for Potato Garden!

Me: Fire the capsicum! Deploy the celery team!

Her: Bring in the egg plant division to support the capsicum!

Me: This is it boys, life or dirt! I want a passionfruit unit to find us a vantage point, and the strawberry unit to surround them!

Her: We had better bring the lettuce up to date!

Me: The cabbage are under withering fire, we need support from the raspberry division! The potatoes are mashed, so well need to send the zucchini in their place!

Her: The zucchini can't take that heavy fire, they'll be grated. Send spinach for some extra iron. The sweet potatoes are digging in at the ridge.

Me: Prepare the watermelon bomb, we need to finish this! The eggplant were squashed, deploy the broccoli brigade! The beans need to get out of there, or they'll be split!

Her: Cauliflowers are going in to retrieve the beans. How brave to risk their florets!

The corn commandos are deployed, but the artichokes are all out of heart, we need to boost morale.

Me: The leeks are down! They'll be flattened if we don't do something!

Are the spinach still operational?

Her: Too bad the pepper isn't on our side, they're well seasoned troops.

Spinach is a go!
Nothing has touched it...

Me: But wait! We still have the chillies to give them heavy fire!

Her: And the squashes and peas!

Me: The ginger is holding it's ground, but it's being cut down by the pineapple!

The basil should make things interesting, send them to aid the potatoes.

**Her:

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Zokoro
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2017
🚨︎ report
The Olympics tonight.

Turned to my wife and said,

"Every athlete is planting a Brazilian seeds. That's too many seeds.

I mean I can totally see 10 per athlete,

But a Brazilian? Holy crap."

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Stecman
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2016
🚨︎ report
Got dadjoked by a cashier

Years ago I went to buy a box of condoms and everything was very normal until I dropped some change. I started to pick it up and the cashier said "Looks like you're planting seeds already."

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HeWhoCouldBeNamed
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2015
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.