Don't scream into a colander.
My name is Dan and I scream whenever my wife says our daughter’s name
What did she expect when she named her Danielle?
A guy walks into the bank, pulls out a gun, points it at the teller and screams, “Give me all your money or you’re geography!” Puzzled, the teller asks, “Don’t you mean history?”
The robber yells, “Don’t change the subject!"
We all scream for ice-cream
I scream, you scream, the police come...
How do you measure how loudly a woman screams?
What's three inches wide, six inches long, and makes women scream with ecstasy?...
A stack of hundred dollar bills.
The big bad wolf converted to Buddhism and there was finally peace in the forest. But suddenly, the air was filled with screams of terror! A bear asked the animals running past him, "What's happening now?"
"The big bad wolf!" a goat shouted. "Is meditating!"
"So? Isn't that a good thing? questioned the bear.
"Noooo!" the goat bleated. "It's become aware wolf!"
My two sons 5&8 are playing Minecraft this morning on survival. They are working hard together to build their mansion. I crossed the room in front of the TV to grab my phone as they are balanced high on a wall constructing a roof. My son screams out, “Dad get out of the way!”
I said, “You’re the ones blocking!”
My wife and I have contests to see who can scream “NO!” louder, but she always wins.
If I don't let my son play Call of Duty he screams for hours.
So I let him play and he screams for hours.
My son just came in and asked, “if you scream into a colander...
...will you strain your voice?”
The presidents guards aren’t allowed to scream “get down” before the president is attacked anymore.
They have to yell “Donald, Duck!”
Edit: whoever gave me the gold award, thank you so much. I would repay you in a way, but I don’t know who you are.
Did you hear about the new Halloween movie where the guy screams his lungs out?
News from a Brazilian tabloid: “Jhon Lennon kidnaps bus and passengers scream HELP”
A Cat Named Hitler Screams at a Fridge, It's Because...
What’s purple and screams?
"Jim Morrison was overrated!" the son screams as he stomps upstairs...
... his dad calls angrily after him: "YOUNG MAN, WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT SLAMMING THE DOORS?!"
A man got a vasectomy without telling his wife. When she finds out about it, she is livid. "Are you serious?" She screams.
"Yes, I'm not kidding you."
Cicadas sit in trees all day and scream.
But when I do it I’m “disturbing the peace” and “under arrest”
I was scared by a scream
You could say it was a horroar
What colour screams hello?
Why did the student scream when he saw his report card?
What did geronimo scream when he jumped from the plane?
What did the painkiller scream when it stubbed its toe..
If someone ever throws something at the President of the United States during an important press conference with other world leaders, what should you scream?
What do you call it when a baby screams for three hours straight?
Taking a car load of kids to amusement park today. One kid screams "Please tell me that's Knott's Berry Farm." ...
I reply, "It's Knott."
Kids in unison "Awww."
A class of students is taking a tour of a cheese factory. The tour guide is showing the kids where the cheese is made, when suddenly a worker operating a forklift loses control and the vehicle goes hurtling towards the visitors. The worker screams:
When you get locked out, do not scream, but just start singing.
You had better find the key.
Choking on food and hardly able to breathe, I scream, "Someone, call me a doctor!"
Dad replies from the other room, "Are you sure son?!"
I say, "Yes, I'm choking!"
Dad: "If you say so. You're a doctor!"
So, my grandma screams "son of a bitch!"
and my dad says to her, "I'm right here!"
Son is going as "Scream" for Halloween, dadjoked him
My son was telling me about how he talked to a boy on his schoolbus about Halloween. He told me, "I said I'm going as Scream for Halloween, and he said he's gonna be Scream too!".
So I, seizing the opportunity, said: "I guess that makes you Scream One then!"
God, I laughed.
A guy walks into the bank, pulls out a gun, points it at the teller and screams, “Give me all your money or you’re geography!” The teller replies, “Don’t you mean history?”
The robber says, “Don’t change the subject!"
Why shouldn't you scream into a colander?
You'll strain your voice.
I Scream, You Scream…
The police come, it’s awkward.
Never scream into a colander.
A guy walks into the bank, pulls out a gun, points it at the teller and screams, “Give me all your money or you’re geography!”
The teller replies, “Don’t you mean history?”
The robber says, “Don’t change the subject!"
The big bad wolf converted to Buddhism and there was finally peace in the forest. But suddenly, the air was filled with screams of terror! A bear asked the animals running past him, "What's happening now?"
"The big bad wolf!" a goat shouted. "Is meditating!"
"So? Isn't that a good thing? questioned the bear.
"Noooo!" the goat bleated. "It's become aware wolf!"
The big bad wolf converted to Buddhism and there was finally peace in the forest. But suddenly, the air was filled with screams of terror! A bear asked the animals running past him, "What's happening now?"
"The big bad wolf!" a goat shouted. "Is meditating!"
"So? Isn't that a good thing? questioned the bear.
"Noooo!" the goat bleated. "It's become aware wolf!"
Why did the kid scream when he saw his report card
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