A list of puns related to "School Band"
Told her I'm gonna make her a shirt that says:
Registered Saxophoner
I said "Sorry kiddo, you're gonna have to wait until you're in high schoolβ¦"
"because it's got sax and violins."
BUT I blew it
But it wasn't my forte
I guess you can say it was Three Days Grace.
He played lead guitar. He said "we weren't very good...however one time we played at a juvenile detention center and we had a captive audience".
So, every single year my band teacher would dress up as some hilarious pun for Halloween. This year, he came into school starring at a piece of paper that said "175 lbs" on it.
He was watching his weight.
"Wow, where do you think all those kids come from?"
"Their homes."
He said he was "Polyjamorous."
Flu Fighters
I forgot my favorite song! I have jamnesia.
Who was that guy who bit my neck? Vamnesia.
Iβve been out of school so long, I canβt remember what it was like to stay up all night studying. I have cramnesia.
What band was George Michael in? Wham!nesia.
I canβt recognize my blood relativesβ¦famnesia is a terrible condition.
I never pay enough attention to advertising emails to remember them β spamnesia comes in handy!
I used to drive the ice-smoothing machine, but forgot how. Zamnesia.
Iβve had memory issues ever since that aggressive sheep headbutted me. Ramnesia!
I could never be a prison guard, because I have a condition that prevents me from recognizing escapees: lamnesia.
I can never remember the names of women who are my social superiorsβ¦I have maβamnesia.
What do they call that big concrete wall that blocks the Colorado River? Sorry, I have damnesia.
Iβm not sure if Iβve ever eaten mussels β my clamnesia is acting up.
What did we eat during last yearβs holidays? I have hamnesia.
Whoβs that celebrity chef from New Orleans? I got a bad case of BAMnesia!
My dad, sister and I were driving home the other night when a U2 song came on the radio. He asked us if we knew what the song was about (Sunday Bloody Sunday). I knew, and mentioned it's unfortunate source. My sister then asks from the back seat "Are U2 Irish?" to which my dad responds "Nope! We're Canadian!" and then begins laughing so hard that he is practically in tears and snorting. He didn't stop for a good 2 or 3 minutes. My sister and I just shook our heads slowly.
important, my family speaks Spanish
After my school's Christmas concert, I went out to eat with my family. They were asking me about some people who were announced for having made it into the All-State Band and Orchestra, one of which was a string bass player (contrabajo in Spanish).
I told them: "Si... Ella toca contrabajo. (Yes... She plays string bass.)"
And my dad replies: "ΒΏPues si toca con trabajo, porque la aceptaron? (Well if she plays with difficulty, why did they accept her?)"
TL;DR: Contrabajo = string bass, con trabajo = with difficulty
Our 11 year old is attending a debate camp and at the dinner table she was telling us about her day. We decided she would have a mock debate against my husband the following day so she could show us a bit of what she's learned. We talk about possible topics and we land on "Should school officials or other adults be allowed to ban certain books from school." We talk a little more on the topic of banned books and my husband perks up and says "I think banned books should be allowed because without them, there would be no music." Then he gets this massive grin and my daughter and I are so confused.. it takes a moment for us to realize he's talking about BAND books .. there would be no music .. I had to give it to him, that was heavenly. Our daughters eyes rolled out of her head but we were all laughing. Great job, dad.
Last night I had to go to my son's 6th grade band concert. He plays the trumpet. Most of the band, like my son, only started playing their instruments this year so the quality was far less than professional.
We walked out of the school together and he had a hop to his step feeling really proud. It was a shame to tell him that I could barely see him let alone hear him by the squeaks and honks him and his classmates created.
I rubbed his hear and asked, "You play the trumpet, right son?"
He gave me a strange look. "You know I do, dad."
"So, you got to toot your own horn tonight, huh?'
His eye roll was worth it.
The nice part was being able to retell it to my older step daughter who giggled at my joke. A two for one!
Years ago I used to use a LexisNexis database of companies that would give corporate information like name, address, and general business description. While most of them were pretty bland, there were a bunch of them with some really cheesy puns, and over a few years I built quite a collection.
Today I share with you "NEXIS IS RIDICULOUS.txt":
New Year's Day... The start of a fresh 365 sunrises that symbolize a turning point in lifestyle and spending the entire day recovering from a dreadful hangover. Like many other people in America, this relatively fake holiday is a time that I spend with my family. One of my family's many traditions (alongside annihilating plates of buffalo wings and watching college football until we pass out on the couch) is watching the Rose Parade. At the very beginning of the event, before all of the flower-covered floats and high school bands came marching down the street, there was an introductory ceremony complete with a B-2 stealth bomber flyover. As soon as they passed by, zooming out of the camera's frame, my dad leans in closer to me and says "Well I sure didn't see that coming!"
My dad and I were talking about the civil war and the use of slaves and the freedom movement and the such a while ago, (he's a history teacher at the local high school). "Dancing Queen" came on the radio and he leaned over and said, "do you know what people who like this band should be called? Abba-listen-ists" and laughed by himself for a solid minute.
Please help
My younger sister, who is in my high school marching band, was in a band festival/competition earlier tonight. As they were doing the awards, there was a particular high school, named Marion Senior High School.
The announcer says the school's name in an award, and my dad said, "I wouldn't want to do that." I say, confused, "Do what?" He replies, "Marry in senior high school. That's just a bad idea."
Cue collective groan/laughs from me and my mom, while my dad is giddily laughing.
So I'm concussed during my high-school rugby game, after which we head to the hospital. Important to mention that I was a member of my school's jazz band, and had a concert coming up. I get checked out by the doc, minor concussion. He's going over the stuff with my dad on what to watch out for (be careful with naps, no contact sports for a while etc.) and my dad asks if I'd be able to play the trumpet in next week's concert. The doc says he thinks it might not be the best idea. So my dad asks, will he at least be able to play the piano? Doc replies that yes, I'd be able to play the piano.
"That's great, he wasn't able play it before the concussion!"
Took a second for the doctor to realize what happened, after which he seemed to sigh with exhaustion and laughed.
While on the phone with my dad discussing something about school:
Me: Yes I understand.
Dad: Well, now we should start a band!
Me: ...what?
Dad: Because we're in sync!
No words.
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