My daughter plays sax in her school band...

Told her I'm gonna make her a shirt that says:

Registered Saxophoner

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bernforever
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2022
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My daughter told me her friends joined the middle school band & orchestra and she wanted to do it too.

I said "Sorry kiddo, you're gonna have to wait until you're in high school…"

"because it's got sax and violins."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PimplupXD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2022
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Hi! I got a chance to play the trumpet for my school band!‡️

BUT I blew it

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πŸ‘€︎ u/psyche_a_trik
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2020
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My High School Band Leader always wanted me to play louder

But it wasn't my forte

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DanielSternsBeard
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2019
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My band teacher didn’t show up the last 3 days of the school.

I guess you can say it was Three Days Grace.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cfalconssbb
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2019
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My dad was in a rock n roll band in middle school

He played lead guitar. He said "we weren't very good...however one time we played at a juvenile detention center and we had a captive audience".

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2015
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My High School band teacher was quite the dad-jokester

So, every single year my band teacher would dress up as some hilarious pun for Halloween. This year, he came into school starring at a piece of paper that said "175 lbs" on it.

He was watching his weight.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KevinXu
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2013
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At the mall parking lot when a bus load of middle school band kids unloads

"Wow, where do you think all those kids come from?"
"Their homes."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrBadTacos
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2013
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I went to school with a guy who was in three rock bands at the same time

He said he was "Polyjamorous."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kevindavis338
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2022
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What do you call doctors in a rock band?

Flu Fighters

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Equal-Bus-557
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2022
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Help me remember…

I forgot my favorite song! I have jamnesia.

Who was that guy who bit my neck? Vamnesia.

I’ve been out of school so long, I can’t remember what it was like to stay up all night studying. I have cramnesia.

What band was George Michael in? Wham!nesia.

I can’t recognize my blood relatives…famnesia is a terrible condition.

I never pay enough attention to advertising emails to remember them β€” spamnesia comes in handy!

I used to drive the ice-smoothing machine, but forgot how. Zamnesia.

I’ve had memory issues ever since that aggressive sheep headbutted me. Ramnesia!

I could never be a prison guard, because I have a condition that prevents me from recognizing escapees: lamnesia.

I can never remember the names of women who are my social superiors…I have ma’amnesia.

What do they call that big concrete wall that blocks the Colorado River? Sorry, I have damnesia.

I’m not sure if I’ve ever eaten mussels β€” my clamnesia is acting up.

What did we eat during last year’s holidays? I have hamnesia.

Who’s that celebrity chef from New Orleans? I got a bad case of BAMnesia!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fuzzus628
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2022
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Are U2 Irish?

My dad, sister and I were driving home the other night when a U2 song came on the radio. He asked us if we knew what the song was about (Sunday Bloody Sunday). I knew, and mentioned it's unfortunate source. My sister then asks from the back seat "Are U2 Irish?" to which my dad responds "Nope! We're Canadian!" and then begins laughing so hard that he is practically in tears and snorting. He didn't stop for a good 2 or 3 minutes. My sister and I just shook our heads slowly.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DanBMan
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2015
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My dad got me after my band/orchestra concert last night

important, my family speaks Spanish

After my school's Christmas concert, I went out to eat with my family. They were asking me about some people who were announced for having made it into the All-State Band and Orchestra, one of which was a string bass player (contrabajo in Spanish).

I told them: "Si... Ella toca contrabajo. (Yes... She plays string bass.)"

And my dad replies: "ΒΏPues si toca con trabajo, porque la aceptaron? (Well if she plays with difficulty, why did they accept her?)"

TL;DR: Contrabajo = string bass, con trabajo = with difficulty

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ROTCnaziBandgeek
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2014
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Had to share this absolute bomb my husband dropped earlier.

Our 11 year old is attending a debate camp and at the dinner table she was telling us about her day. We decided she would have a mock debate against my husband the following day so she could show us a bit of what she's learned. We talk about possible topics and we land on "Should school officials or other adults be allowed to ban certain books from school." We talk a little more on the topic of banned books and my husband perks up and says "I think banned books should be allowed because without them, there would be no music." Then he gets this massive grin and my daughter and I are so confused.. it takes a moment for us to realize he's talking about BAND books .. there would be no music .. I had to give it to him, that was heavenly. Our daughters eyes rolled out of her head but we were all laughing. Great job, dad.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jennyy1
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2019
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Son's concert...

Last night I had to go to my son's 6th grade band concert. He plays the trumpet. Most of the band, like my son, only started playing their instruments this year so the quality was far less than professional.

We walked out of the school together and he had a hop to his step feeling really proud. It was a shame to tell him that I could barely see him let alone hear him by the squeaks and honks him and his classmates created.

I rubbed his hear and asked, "You play the trumpet, right son?"

He gave me a strange look. "You know I do, dad."

"So, you got to toot your own horn tonight, huh?'

His eye roll was worth it.

The nice part was being able to retell it to my older step daughter who giggled at my joke. A two for one!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bobsbattle
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2014
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The hidden puns of LexisNexis

Years ago I used to use a LexisNexis database of companies that would give corporate information like name, address, and general business description. While most of them were pretty bland, there were a bunch of them with some really cheesy puns, and over a few years I built quite a collection.

Today I share with you "NEXIS IS RIDICULOUS.txt":

  • Bucyrus International caters to those who mine their own business.
  • It would be logical for Mr. Spock to boldly go to Vulcan International for rubber products. He might even live long and prosper -- in comfortable shoes.
  • What do manufacturer Electro-Motive Diesel (EMD) and 1970s band Grand Funk Railroad have in common? They both want you to do the locomotion!
  • Peter Piper can pick more than a peck of peppers or pickles from B&G Foods.
  • Toray Plastics America could sing "foam, foam on the range, where the polyester and polypropylene materials are made" all day.
  • Break out the Tums, because things are awfully gassy over at Air Liquide America.
  • If a tree falls in a Weyerhaeuser forest, someone is there to hear it -- and he has a chainsaw.
  • Although not a pushover, you can walk all over Wilsonart International.
  • Here's a HEICO haiku: HEICO companies/ Providing for jet engines/ In flight or on land.
  • American Italian Pasta Company (AIPC) uses its noodle in many different ways.
  • The golf industry doesn't mind when Aldila gives it the shaft.
  • Rat-a-tat-tat and a ringa-ding-ding. What's that? Answer: The sounds emanating from Pearl, one of the world's foremost makers of drums and other percussion and musical instruments.
  • Saint-Gobain Ceramics & Plastics deals powders and crystal, but there's no need to call the cops.
  • Pamida Stores Operating Company offers more small-town values than a bandwagon of Republicans on the campaign trail.
  • Like a tight end, offshore drilling contractor Transocean dreams of going deep but doesn't mind eating a little mud.
  • Rittal me this, Batman!
  • Utility Trailer Manufacturing is spreading its own brand of reefer madness.
  • Who is the Fresh Prince of Sullair?
  • If GrafTech International were a bard, it could wax poetic in an ode to the electrode.
  • When it comes to adhesives and vibration control products, LORD knows.
  • You might say that Deere & Company enjoys its customers going to seed.
  • Pfizer pfabricates pfarmaceuticals pfor quite a pfew inpfirmities.
  • Stripping is OK at Spraylat.
  • Don't think Seton is
... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2016
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Punrelenting word play at the Rose Parade

New Year's Day... The start of a fresh 365 sunrises that symbolize a turning point in lifestyle and spending the entire day recovering from a dreadful hangover. Like many other people in America, this relatively fake holiday is a time that I spend with my family. One of my family's many traditions (alongside annihilating plates of buffalo wings and watching college football until we pass out on the couch) is watching the Rose Parade. At the very beginning of the event, before all of the flower-covered floats and high school bands came marching down the street, there was an introductory ceremony complete with a B-2 stealth bomber flyover. As soon as they passed by, zooming out of the camera's frame, my dad leans in closer to me and says "Well I sure didn't see that coming!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MinisculePeen
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2015
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Dancing queen

My dad and I were talking about the civil war and the use of slaves and the freedom movement and the such a while ago, (he's a history teacher at the local high school). "Dancing Queen" came on the radio and he leaned over and said, "do you know what people who like this band should be called? Abba-listen-ists" and laughed by himself for a solid minute.

Please help

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fastersnail
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2015
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My dad got me at my sister's marching band festival.

My younger sister, who is in my high school marching band, was in a band festival/competition earlier tonight. As they were doing the awards, there was a particular high school, named Marion Senior High School.

The announcer says the school's name in an award, and my dad said, "I wouldn't want to do that." I say, confused, "Do what?" He replies, "Marry in senior high school. That's just a bad idea."

Cue collective groan/laughs from me and my mom, while my dad is giddily laughing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BennyJames
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2014
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Post concussion

So I'm concussed during my high-school rugby game, after which we head to the hospital. Important to mention that I was a member of my school's jazz band, and had a concert coming up. I get checked out by the doc, minor concussion. He's going over the stuff with my dad on what to watch out for (be careful with naps, no contact sports for a while etc.) and my dad asks if I'd be able to play the trumpet in next week's concert. The doc says he thinks it might not be the best idea. So my dad asks, will he at least be able to play the piano? Doc replies that yes, I'd be able to play the piano.
"That's great, he wasn't able play it before the concussion!"
Took a second for the doctor to realize what happened, after which he seemed to sigh with exhaustion and laughed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sundance91
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2015
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*NSYNC

While on the phone with my dad discussing something about school:

Me: Yes I understand.

Dad: Well, now we should start a band!

Me: ...what?

Dad: Because we're in sync!

No words.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kale_snail
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2013
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Cookie orders came in today

Younger brother, who is in the school band, got his cookie orders in and was going over the list.

Brother: Ok, oatmeal raisin, chocolate chip, katydids,

Dad: Don't forget the katydonts!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nsmh11
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2013
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