Where ever you left it 🤷♀️🤭
The yambulance
Who let the docx. out?
(This is my friend's joke)
Heard they've been doing some shady business.
It was just beer then
Cause I have a bone to pick with him.
He said no.
I’m stumped.
Where’s my tractor?!?
You have my Word.
because I am irrational
It would seem he was washed up, his career h-2-over
One in a vermillion.
Look for the fresh prints…
It was here a minute ago.
If it sinks, its a girl ant
And if it floats...
Its buoyant
Cheer him up.
(Courtesy of my 10-year-old son.)
You look for the Dumbell-dores
Sorry if this was already done
Finding half a worm in your apple.
If she yells at me one more time for impersonating a flamingo, I'm going to have to put my foot down.
Perfect 10, but purely imaginary.
Captain's log.
The table number is 404
Turnip the beat
"But I live in Kentucky, not Washington, DC!"
And I blurted out "if you two root canals isn't that just a canal?"
Proudest I've ever been of a joke that fell flat
There is a puff of blue smoke and a genie pops out. “You have three wishes. I can give you anything in the world. If I fail, I must become your personal genie for eternity.”
The teacher thinks for a moment and says, “For my first wish, I want jewels. Silver, gold, platinum, whatever you have.” Poof! The jewels appear.
“For my second wish, I want karma. Lots of karma.” Poof! The karma appears.
The genie stares at the teacher, waiting for the third wish. “I can give you anything in the world,” he says again.
The teacher thinks for a long time. “As a teacher, I always hated careless mistakes from my students. I noticed that I accidentally wrote ‘lamb’ instead of ‘lamp.’ Please correct my mistake.”
The genie moaned in anguish. “This is Reddit,” he shouted. Once you post it, you can’t edit the title.
“In that case,” the teacher smiled, “It looks like I’ve got myself a genie for eternity.”
Shit just got real.
Double U.
How low will people go?!?!
She's gonna love the book I bought her about the meaning of dreams.
You have my Word
They’re an underground organization
It's unclear, inexact, and open to more than one interpretation.
…can’t seem to put my finger on it
It just becomes beer
You look for the Fresh Prints.
(Compliments of my teenager)
It was here a minute ago
Now I just have beer.
