Adiūtā́tō! Roman pun assistance

So I'm trying to write an essay about the Roman Republic becoming the Roman Empire, thought it'd be funny to start off with a pun but I can't think of anything so... help?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SegaExodus
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2013
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Pirate Ship Captain: I am desperate. Can someone tell me how to write the number 2 in Roman numerals?

Crew: I I Captain.

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2021
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Why did the Roman Soldiers have to crucify Jesus 6ft away from the 2 thieves?

...to prevent cross-contamination.

Happy Easter.

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2021
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How did the Romans make sure they nailed Jesus to the cross in exactly the right place?

they drilled a Pilate hole.

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2021
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Why did Times New Roman not finish his essay?

He couldn’t right align

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2021
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Getting a Roman soldier to stand next to an Irishman ...

... requires a lot of Gaul.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/brianingram
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2021
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I can't remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 or 500 in Roman numerals.

I M L I VI D

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tnethacker
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2021
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Why didn’t ancient Romans reuse crosses after crucifixions?

To avoid cross contamination

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πŸ‘€︎ u/siphodeus
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2021
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The Romans divided Gaul into three parts...

...probably used a pair of Caesars.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/monkfish-online
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2021
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I hate the word "xenophobia", it sounds so...

... foreign

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DobriDobrev03
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2021
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What did Times New Roman say about Comic Sans?

Yeah, he's funny, but he's just not my type.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MarioMakerProcess
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2021
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A Roman Lifeguard on duty:

See Caesar, Beware the tides of March!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fladavpam
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2021
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Do u know how the roman empire was cut in half?-------How?-------With a pair of Caesars!!!!
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2020
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What do you use to cut a Roman Emperor’s hair?

Caesars.

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2021
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Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar

Get out of here! Shouts the bartender. We don't serve your type here.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/socdist
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2021
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A Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers, and says

β€œFive beers, please.”

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2020
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Why did it take the Roman General 10 tries to find the buried treasure?

Because X marks the spot

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2021
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How do 490 Roman soldiers laugh?

XD

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LordCinko
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2021
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How did the Roman Empire get split in two?

With a pair of caesars

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πŸ‘€︎ u/modular-emergence
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2021
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A history student was so enamored with Ancient Rome that he decided to become a Roman himself. His friends weren’t very supportive. They kept telling him to β€œGet with the times...

New Roman.”

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
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The Roman fighter showed no remorse as a cannibal. In fact...

He was gladiator

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4 Norse gods, 1 roman God, and 2 astrological bodies walk into a bar

The bartender says: Oh, this is gonna be a week joke

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Outi94
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
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Ship Captain: Guys, I need help. I don’t remember how to write 2 in Roman numerals.

Crew: I I Caprain.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
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A roman walks into a bar and holds up 2 fingers.

"I'll take 5 beers, please " he said.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kriskidd21
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2020
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Back in Times Old Roman...
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2020
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I went to a Roman bathroom on the 6th floor

Yes, it was the VI P room

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2020
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How do Roman lesbians have sex?
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2020
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Did you guys hear about the boat that got stuck in the Suez canal?

Waterway to get stuck

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2021
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What happens when a Roman insults a Parisian's coffee?

A French Roast.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheDarkVigilante
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
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The ancient Romans made a lot of deadly poisons. The fourth one they created, however, just made people itchy.

They called it poison IV

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
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You know about the happy Roman?

He was glad he ate her.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/poedan
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
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I’ve lost count of the times I forgot
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bo_veytia
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2020
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I, for one, like Roman numerals.

Very punny! ;)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheIndrajitKar
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2020
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How did the Roman senators picked who will be first to stab the emperor?

They played rock paper Caesar

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PLUMBUM2
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2020
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I struggle with Roman Numerals until I get to 159.

Then it just CLIX.

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2019
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What did the Romans do when their emperor died?

They busted him.

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2020
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Why was was the unrepentant Roman who consumed his wife neither surprised nor scared when he was thrown into the Colosseum?

He was gladiator already.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/trimofdoom
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
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I asked my Mexican friend if he could tell me what 300 is in Roman numerals...

Hew kept saying, "si si si" without giving me the answer.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2020
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A Roman Soldier caught the Bartender's eye and gave him the two fingers sign..

" Five beers coming up " said the Bartender.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2020
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How was the roman empire seperated?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/knorke3
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2020
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What have the romans ever done for us!

Do Roman paramedics refer to IVs as β€œfours”?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheFishmanau
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
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I can't remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 or 500 in Roman numerals.

I M L I VI D

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tnethacker
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2021
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I Can’t remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 and 500 in Roman Numerals

I M LIVID

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Infinite-Aviation
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
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I can’t remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6, and 500 in Roman Numerals

I M LIVID

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πŸ‘€︎ u/garlic_eggdog
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2021
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I can never remember the Roman Numerals for 1, 1000, 51, 6 and 500...

IM LIVID

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HatterInATutu
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2020
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A Roman man walks into a bar and extends his index and middle fingers and says...

"I'll have 5 beers please"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/icemage27
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
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Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar.

β€œGet out of here!” shouts the bartender. β€œWe don’t serve your type!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/debeauty
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
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