A list of puns related to "Roll Call"
Def leopard
Patina Turner.
All the signs were there.
A synonym roll.
John raises his hand, "I yam."
Pop rocks
Because rolling a boulder would be a lot harder.
The name will appear as : **Fiiish**
As I reminisce, I really love that old thyme Moroccan roll.
A casa-roll
A lambslide
A toe truck
A hippo-CRIT
Save them to your Phone and always have witty jokes at the palm of your hand.
3.14 percent of sailors are pi-rates.
5/4 of people admit they’re bad at fractions.
A bartender broke up with her boyfriend, but he kept asking her for another shot.
A brain walks into a bar and takes a seat. “I’d like some wings and a pint of beer, please,” it says. “Sorry, but I can’t serve you,” the bartender replies. “You’re out of your head.”
A cheeseburger walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'Sorry, we don't serve food here.'
A college education now costs $100,000, but it produces three very proud people: the student, his mama, and his pauper.
A couple of cups of yogurt walk into a country club. “We don’t serve your kind here,” the bartender says. “Why not?” one yogurt asks. “We’re cultured.”
A friend of mine didn’t pay his exorcist. He got repossessed.
A friend of mine is known for sweeping girls off their feet. He’s an extremely aggressive janitor.
A guy walks into a bar, and there’s a horse serving drinks. The horse asks, “What are you staring at? Haven’t you ever seen a horse tending bar before?” The guy says, “It’s not that. I just never thought the parrot would sell the place.”
A guy walks into a bar...and he was disqualified from the limbo contest.
A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head. The bartender says, “What’s with the paper towel?” The pirate says, “Arrr! I’ve got a Bounty on me head!”
A turtle is crossing the road when he’s mugged by two snails. When the police ask him what happened, the shaken turtle replies, “I don’t know. It all happened so fast.”
Armed robbers—some say they’re a drain on society, but you’ve got to give it to them.
Barbers…you have to take your hat off to them.
Can February March? No, but April May!
Cooking out this weekend? Don’t forget the pickle. It’s kind of a big dill.
Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don't think they'll fit me.
Dad, can you put the cat out? I didn't know it was on fire.
Dad, did you get a haircut? No, I got them all cut!
Dad: Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? Son: No. What happened? Dad: The teacher woke him up.
Daughter: I have a lot of friends named Nathan. There’s Nathan Miller, Nathan Radcliff, Nathan Lewis… Me: When they are together, do you call them the United Nathans?
Dear Math, grow up and solve your own problems.
Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head!
Did you hear about the aquatic sea mammals that escape
... keep reading on reddit ➡An artificial Swedener
I responded: So they can send the swat team.
Bet them 3 to 1 they couldn’t help me
Finger-fu
U, of course.
"Never gonna give U up, never gonna let U down" ~Rickroll in 2022, via r/dadjokes
The teller say “hi my name is Patty Whack. How can I help you”.
The frog asks for a loan. The teller asks, “do you have any collateral?”
The frog answer “all I have is this” and hands the teller a small elephant glass figurine.
The Teller rolls her eyes and calls for the manager. The manager comes over and asks what’s going on.
The teller tells him that the frog is looking for a loan and all he has to offer is this little elephant.
The manager replies, “It’s a niknak, Mrs. Patty Whack give the frog a loan.”
Bruised Wayne.
AWOL nut.
For quacking jokes
EDIT: this joke did wayyy better than I expected lol. Thank you all for the words of encouragement, awards, and corny jokes to follow up! I’m excited to make my family cringe for years to come
...Phil
I found a recipe from Moroccan Dinner rolls I called for fresh thyme and all I had was some that was way out of date but I couldn’t find anything else so I used it hahaha.
But now that I reflect I really did like those old Thyme Morrocan Rolls
Old family jokes, which means I’m sure variations are out there for both of them that most of you have heard
#1- an elderly woman is watching her normal sitcoms when suddenly the news cuts into her show to show live footage of a madman driving the wrong way on the interstate! Worried sick, she calls her husband, and says “honey, there’s a madman driving the wrong way on the highway! Be careful on your way home!” Her husband responds irritated, “what are you talking about? There’s not only one madman! There are hundreds of them!”
#2- a cop pulls over a man who was speeding. He approaches the car and asks for license and registration. The driver says, “I’m sorry officer, I can’t do that! You see, this car is stolen so the registration isn’t under my name! Also, the gun I used to steal the car is in there and I wouldn’t want you to be uncomfortable!”
The cop is obviously a bit flustered, and asks for the man to roll down his back windows to look in the backseat. The man replies, “honestly officer that’s impossible, as I have 10 kilos of cocaine in the footwells and don’t want to expose them to outside!”
At this point the cop is quite worried and has his gun drawn, asking the driver to open the trunk! The driver replies “officer, I’m afraid I can’t do that due to the two bodies I have in my trunk!”
At this, the officer runs back to his car and radios for backup.
After about 10 minutes, the police sergeant drives up and with his gun drawn asks the man for his license and registration. The driver says, “absolutely sergeant, no problem” and hands him a perfectly normal and legal registration and license.
The sergeant then says, “and I hear you have drugs in the back seat!”
“Oh not at all, sergeant!” Says the man, opening the back window. The car is very clean and the footwells empty.
Confused, the sergeant then asks: “what about your trunk? I hear you have two dead bodies in there?”
“Not at all officer”, says the man, “only my groceries!” Popping the trunk, it’s obvious there’s nothing wrong with the driver or the vehicle.
“I don’t understand; my officer told me you told him all of these things. What’s going on?!”
The driver responds “I bet he told you I was speeding, too, didn’t he?”
I told her to dip her cat in paint and if it rolls around on a canvas, call it a Catson Pollock.
I said that I'd made the most Rockin guacamole.
Enter the 12yr old, quick as a flash,
"I guess you could call it a rock-amole!"
Digital eye rolls from mum, hi 5's from me.
It’ll be called “Hakuna Frittata”
That earned some heavy eye-rolls at dinner last night.
A barrel of laughs.
A cheesey pickup line.
They were Goodyears.
Whilst sniffling and coughing and rolling around in the hotel bed, I realised I needed medical attention, so I called the concierge to get help.
"Oh, so you're sick!" came the reply. "Not a problem, we'll send our very own hotel doctor up to your room right away!"
The doctor strolled into the room within seconds, and whilst I stuttered and tried to comprehend the situation, he gave me some medicine to ease the symptoms. When I finally stammered out "h...how does the hotel have their own doctor on call?", he simply shook his head and cracked a smile, and replied:
"Nobody expects the Spanish inn physician."
Abundance.
Connor McGreggsor
Stationary
I really need to work on my delivery.
(But seriously, I'm about to be a dad. My wife rolled her eyes at this joke then called me "loco".)
Exhausted
It's going to be called the iRoll.
It called for fresh thyme but mine was outdated. I used it anyway. You know, for reminiscence, I really do like that old thyme Moroccan roll.
…so I said, “Do you want me to call it?” and they said, “Could you please?”
So I took a deep breath and yelled out, “(Partner)’s phooooooooone! (Partner)’s phooooooone?”
Gets an eye roll every time
My daughter wanted a bird. She kept her grades up, so we followed through on our part to get her one. She wanted a cockatiel, but they were sold out everywhere. We find a place about an hour away. I called (on speaker phone) and asked the sales lady (daughter and wife were around me) if they still had the birds available. Lady said yes, she has 3. I asked if we could put one on hold and she said No, they don't do that.
I asked her if we were to leave our house and head up to the pet store an hour away will one be available and she said, yes... they more than likely won't sell out within an hour.
So, I responded "So, they're not exactly flying off the shelves......"
And nothing! Nothing from the sales lady, nor my family other than eye rolls.
no-one gets me!
TLDR: I said something I thought was witty. I was the only one who thought that.
He wanted to become a Smartie
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