What language do impersonators of the King of Rock n' Roll sing in?

Elvish

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CognitiveNerd1701
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2020
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I want to start a business similar to an ice cream truck, except we sell baked treats and play classic rock'n'roll music...

I'll call it The Rolling Scones.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2019
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My dad was in a rock n roll band in middle school

He played lead guitar. He said "we weren't very good...however one time we played at a juvenile detention center and we had a captive audience".

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2015
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My first official dad joke!!!

So my 1st Born came into this world on Monday night and we were discharged on Thursday. Upon leaving our room, we were given a metal cart to place our belongings on including our son (in his car seat). As we made our way to the garage, I noticed that when the cart was rolling his car seat would rock a bit. I took this opportunity to exclaim β€œhey (son’s name) you’re really rockin’ β€˜n’ rollin’ now.” My wife then truly realized what is in store for her.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/do_it-to_it
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2020
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Dad Jokes

It was a brisk Saturday morning when Gerald arrived at β€œThe CafΓ©,” a hip coffee shop right down the street. Wearing his large, burly black coat, he stared hesitantly at his watch. Thick glasses adorned his bright blue eyes, his gaze like starlight in a clear night sky. He was waiting, intently twiddling his thumbs. After a buzz of his phone, the message from Dad popped up: β€œParking now, be there in 5.”

β€œDad,” he whispered under his breath, swiping the message away to once again reveal the image on his lock-screen: a hazy picture of an ultrasound.

Gerald had not spoken to his father for three years. They had had a falling out, over which he did not remember. To him it was a competition of who could wait the longest without calling or sending a text. Who could wait the longest: him without a father, or his father without a son? The idea of friction in the relationship hurt like a thorn; piercing his soul more and more everyday. Until recently, out of the blue, β€œDad” popped up on his phone. The rest is history. The rest leads to that Saturday morning, at The CafΓ©.

Bang! A car door rang out not too far from where Gerald stood. Gerald saw him. His father wore his tweed jacket like a coat of armor. His strut was now weaker than before they stopped talking; a weakness evident in his cane which supported every right step. His shortly trimmed white beard juxtaposed against his uncut, curly grey hair gave him the image of a wise wizard from a fairytale. He used to be that figure to Gerald, yet instead of a nice ancient being acting like a stone to keep him grounded, Gerald had felt as though his father was a rock pulling him deeper and deeper into a sea of monotony. Holding him back from his true potential. Maybe that was why he left? He still did not know.

β€œHello, son,” came the withered voice Gerald had sook for so long, yet now that it had arrived wanted to avoid. β€œI can’t believe it’s been so long!”

β€œYeah,” said Gerald, allowing a smile to grace his face. β€œToo long!”

Then they hugged, signifying a change in their relationship. Gerald had hoped something could happen to bring them closer together. He did not want to go on wondering what could have been. The regret and sadness weighed him down. Before starting a new family, Gerald wanted to be reacquainted with his own.

After finding their table and sitting down, the two began to discuss life. It was like old friends catching up after a long break. Although it took some time, Gerald began to warm u

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sullyrr
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2020
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Rock puns

I have a pet rock but he's really hit rock bottom he has also got into rock and roll music and I think rocks but lately he has put on a stone or two so he get karma it would rock his world

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2020
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The fisherman used all funds from fish sales to buy collections of audio recordings issued as a single item on CD...

He sold his sole for rock'n'roll.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2019
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What is cavemen’a favorite type of music

Rock n’ Roll

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πŸ‘€︎ u/coolman965
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2019
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I asked my son, "Hey, what do you call a rubber loop that you put rocks and bread into?" He shrugged and said he had no idea, so I answered…

"A rock and roll band!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2019
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I rolled a rock down the hill with an elastic band around it, and It hit a passerby.

My rock band, the rolling stones, was an instant hit.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2019
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There was a suspicious β€˜accident’ at a construction site. The police investigated all the workers at the job site . . .

It looked like foul play. The mason wasn’t a suspect. He had a concrete alibi. The night of the accident he said he was with his girlfriend. She confirmed this. There was a wall of evidence. Consequently his alibi was rock solid and not just a facade. There was damning evidence that it was the plumber. They figured his alibi, that he was at the casino, wouldn’t hold water. But cameras showed fluid betting all night. This, obviously, threw a wrench in the investigation. The investigators followed a lead to the electrician. He had a shocking secret. It seems the electrician had been charged with battery only months earlier. But it was a dead end. They looked at the HVAC installer, but his alibi was airtight. Next, they tried to nail the Roofer, as he had been spouting off about the victim the day of the accident. But the roofer had been hammered all day. There was no way they could paint him as the cunning mastermind.

Then they saw the writing on the wall: the painter had both motive and opportunity. He was seen canvassing the accident site a few strokes before midnight when the accident occurred. The victim fell off a faulty ladder that was covered in finger paint. It seems the victim and the painter had a few brush-ins before. And it wasn’t a pretty picture. The painter was indicted, but despite all the evidence, the charges didn’t stick and the jury let him roll off clean.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dirty_Entendre
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2018
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TIL: The first musical genius known in history was Sisyphus.

He was the original master of rock and roll.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2019
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Why did Gran put wheels on her rocking chair ?

So she could rock 'n' roll !

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πŸ‘€︎ u/puggoamber
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2019
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[Request] Tubas and Classic Rock

Every year for the past few years, I’ve written music for a tuba ensemble for a summer band camp. Last year’s music was titled β€œTubaChristmas in July,” which had β€œHallelujah” by Pentatonix, β€œCarol of the Bells,” β€œYou’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch,” and β€œHave Yourself a Merry TubaChristmas.” This year I’m about 90% sure we’re doing rock/classic rock. So far I have β€œBohemian Rhapsody” by Queen, β€œPaint It, Black” by The Rolling Stones, β€œLivin’ on a Prayer” by Bon Jovi, β€œDon’t Stop Believin’” by Journey, and some fifth song I haven’t chosen yet (BTW I’m open to song ideas).

I need a pun that mixes Tuba with Rock or with Classic Rock. Similar to how TubaChristmas in July doesn’t include song names, but you know it’s Christmas music on tubas.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Leo_1110
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2019
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Someone should combine a rocking chair and a wheelchair

We'll call it rock and roll.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/anotherwise
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2018
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Sisyphus’ favorite beer?

Rolling Rock.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nikded
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2019
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A modern man tries to take a women from the Stone Age on a date.

She wanted to go see a rock and roll concert but since he was cheap he took her for granite.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RaiRules
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2018
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Was watching a NOVA documentary on Petra: the Lost City of Stone.

The intro ended with a question: How did the Nabataeans build this city of stone?

From the back of the room I hear my dad say: β€œclearly they built it on rock and roll”

sigh

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CLVN-RL
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2018
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What's a Leprechauns favorite type of music?

Me: Sham-Rock and Roll. My Dad: That's so funny it has be Dublin over with laughter.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZigZachGamer
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2018
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How do you make a tissue dance?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/marcuccione
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2017
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Dadjoked my wife and the nurse moments before my daughter was born

My wife and I welcomed our new daughter this week. The wife wanted some classic rock while she was pushing. We were all there, the doctor, the main nurse (with whom we were joking all day long) and a few other nurses. This was the moment of truth.

Suddenly, the Scorpions' "Rock you like a hurricane" comes on, and my wife exclaims: "This is exactly what I need to pump me up!! She is going to be a Scorpion!"

To which I replied "Actually, she'll be a Sagittarius"

The nurse looked at me surprised, cracked up, the wife rolled her eyes, and a few breaths later my daughter was born.

I have never been prouder to be a dad.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mirkules
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2014
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What do you call it when Dwayne Johnson does a somersault?

ROCK AND ROLL.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cantaloupe_elope
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2018
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Road signs

I kept seeing signs on the highway that read, "WATCH FOR ROCKS AND WILDLIFE," and kept thinking to myself, "that's a bizarre trade."

Surely I'd have some eye rolls if I wasn't driving alone.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/7tacoguys
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2015
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So a stone and a wheel pick up a few instruments...

...and start a rock and roll band.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ASoulNotASmithy
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2016
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My 3 year old son dad joked me.

About a week ago I purchased one of those cheap checkout isle toys for my son. In particular it was one of the fan type toys that looks like a helicopter, with a small compartment of candy under the handle. Naturally he downs the candy and is toting the toy around for the next six or seven days, putting random items in the compartment. One day it is Lego's, another its rocks, another its dirt, so on and so forth.

Every time he puts something new in it he comes up and shows me what he was able to fit into the compartment.

This afternoon I was getting ready for work and drinking my coffee (night shift's this weekend), when he comes up to me with the helicopter. "Dad, look" as he is shaking the toy around with something rattling inside. "look, look". OK buddy, whats in there?

"CD's".... Huh? the compartment is smaller than a roll of quarters, how does he have cd's in there?

He proudly opens it up and goes "see theese... hahahaha", and just stands there waiting for my reaction.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nathanc98
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2014
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I just can't turn the dad jokes off.

My wife and I just had a much needed, long talk about life, family, and what we needed to do in the future.

In a nutshell, she had been feeling alone and uncared for awhile because I've been so busy at my jobs and helping take care of our newborn that he hasn't felt like she has been able to share a lot emotionally with me.

She cried. I cried. Everything ended on a really positive note. Great talk.

But at the very end, we were hugging and rocking back and forth and I said, "Don't worry babe, I've got your back." I then proceeded to grab her back with my hands and hold it tight.

Eyes were rolled.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thebestisyetocome
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2014
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My dad's top 3 weird quotes/jokes
  1. Anytime anything rattles he says "that sounds like 2 skeletons making love in a biscuit tin."
  2. Any beeping, anywhere, ever, he grabs his chest and says "is that my pacemaker?"
  3. And the most awkward (he regularly says this) "I believe in sex, drugs and rock and roll... well, 2 out of 3 ain't bad." Then he sneers. Smugly. Every. Time.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IanWoansBatCave
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2013
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Sisyphus was the first musical genius.

He was the master of rock and roll.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2019
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