Ritualized Puns

I was golfing in the Australian Open for the first time. I noticed all the pros were putting various condiments on their clubs. Salt on a putter, brown sauce on a driver, ketchup on a 9-iron.

I my caddy why they were doing it, and he explained that an Australian thing for good luck.

Now, by that time I had already shot straight into a sand trap so I said to him: "Too bad I didn't know about it. I really could use some of that luck right about now."

He just smiled...

...and gave me a vegemite sand-wedge.

He misplaced his sacrificial bones with his HUMERUS ones!!!

spirituality has lost its spirit and it's now just a ritual

"Oh. I thought you were daddy!"

I've never been so proud.

Friend to boyfriend: you guys don't know what I do to his butt Me: is it a pegging Ritual? Boyfriend: to the pegging gods

This ritual beating was called a PUN-ishment

I guess you could call it a boo-tea call.

While doing her make-up -

"Ugh, the skin on my face is peeling."

"Babe, you know I have always found your face a-peeling."

Son: Dad how did I get my name? Chief: Well, we name everyone by things we see when they're born, when your sister came into the world we were by a brook so we named her Running Brook, when your brother was born we saw a bear so we named him Running Bear Son: Oh, I get it, Two Dogs Fucking!

He could barely get it out and tells me it weekly, still cackling the whole way through

English and Spanish.

The Trump administration is making a game out of getting Latinos out of the country, they call it deporte.

Spanish heathens have to pay extra to preforn their ceremonies. Pagan rituals

What sci-fi weapon does the King of Spain prefer? A rey-gun!

Do you know how many times anyone had to tell me how to say 'eleven' in Spanish? Once.

Exclusivamente en español (Perdón por errores gramaticales)

Qué comida es el mas mojado? El agua-cate

Cual comida no puede decir una mentira? La verdadura

Como se llama un libro sobra la revolución? Libre!

Qué es exactamente una mejor que Beyonce? Beydoce

Cual animal siempre tiene un novio o novia? El Parejaro.

Cual comida es el menos diverido? Aburrito.

Sobre que papel de pelicula de Madonna no le quiere hablar? Evita!

Quiero que me digáis mas. Nunca tengo suficiente bromas!

So my dad was going through his normal morning ritual, when he screamed "GODDAMMIT" from the bathroom. He walked out a few minutes later, looking sad.

Me: "What was the yelling about?"

Dad: "I dropped my toothpaste."

Me: "That made you upset?"

Dad: "No, ZTheJerk. Upset doesn't cover it. I'm absolutely crestfallen."

So, I don't if this is the appropriate place for this, but I need a boat-load of cow puns for a D&D campaign. Any all and jokes are both welcomed and needed.

They can be as subtle or as obvious or as cringey as you'd like.

Examples:

A slingshot built from straps set up between the pair of Minotaur horns. A Bullista, if you will.

A character named Timothy Jacobs (Timoothy Jacowbs)

There is a ritual among Minotaur where they fight over the best food served. This is called a Cudstody battle.

Thank you for your help!

We flipped on the TV the other night and happened to come across a documentary on the mating ritual of the grouse. As the males danced on the lek, majestically splaying their feathers and swelling their neck sacs, my wife looked at me and said:

My wife: "Are you as turned on as I am?"

Me: "Absolutely. You could consider me highly agroused."

Oh, how I bathed in the cringe-worthy look on her face. Huzzah!