My dad's favorite joke at the moment. I've been retelling it.

"Make sure to tell your friends they can watch the Pot Bowl at our house if they want."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Smaktat
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2014
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I heard a really funny joke at our mandatory meeting at work. But when I retell it, no one laughs.

I guess you had to be there.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2018
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It's a 5 minute walk from my house to a pub...

And its a 45 minute walk from the pub to my house. The difference is staggering.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wB68
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2020
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As I put my car in reverse, I thought to myself...

β€œThis takes me back.”

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2019
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I can’t believe someone broke into my garage and took, of all things, my best limbo stick.

I mean, how low can you go?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TastefulDrapes
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2019
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A truck driver at my work told me this wonderful gem

Im not feeling to good. I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with but I can't stop tripping.

Eh? Eh??

Yeah you're laughing..

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shinateku
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2016
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My grandpa's finest moment

I'm out to dinner with my family and my grandpa starts sniffling a bit. So he pulls out one of his super old patterned handkerchiefs and says "my nose keeps running". He then quickly grabs his nose, handkerchief in hand and yells "got it!" super loud in the restaurant were at. While he's laughing at his own joke he goes "that's funny right there" and keeps laughing and partially retelling the joke.

I'm proud to be his grandson.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/spawn1234100
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2015
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Lindsay May

My brother was late home yesterday, and he lied about why he was late. My mother found out the real reason he was late from his friend.

Apparantly, he'd gone on the bus with his girlfriend Lindsay May to her house.

When my mother was retelling this story just now, my uncle, who is a dad, just said "I guess he was hoping Lindsay Will."

My brother inhaled half his coke.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/koneko394
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2013
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Son's concert...

Last night I had to go to my son's 6th grade band concert. He plays the trumpet. Most of the band, like my son, only started playing their instruments this year so the quality was far less than professional.

We walked out of the school together and he had a hop to his step feeling really proud. It was a shame to tell him that I could barely see him let alone hear him by the squeaks and honks him and his classmates created.

I rubbed his hear and asked, "You play the trumpet, right son?"

He gave me a strange look. "You know I do, dad."

"So, you got to toot your own horn tonight, huh?'

His eye roll was worth it.

The nice part was being able to retell it to my older step daughter who giggled at my joke. A two for one!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bobsbattle
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2014
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My Dad to the waiter

"Hey do you have crab legs?"

"Yes" :D

"Well, just keep your pants on and nobody will notice."

This was said when I was a kid and he never fails to retell how he once said this joke to a waiter. Glory days.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/InnerTaunTaun
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2013
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My sister's inverse dad joke

My dad woke my brother up this morning on his 18th birthday by saying, "Good morning, now you can get a job!" After retelling this story and making everybody at the dinner table laugh he said "Yup, I guess I'm just Mr. Dad jokes." To which my sister replied "Hi Mr. Dad jokes I'm your daughter."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shade_demon2141
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2014
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My dad recently discovered emoji on iPhone

So he decided to retell his favorite joke with emoji.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dnbt
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2014
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Scene of the Crime: Mother's Day Brunch

While we were having brunch, I took a delicious bite of a Smoked White Sturgeon Tartine and said "Mmmm, I love capers." My husband replied, "Is that why you watch all those crime shows?"

He still retells that one, because he's so proud of his best dad joke yet.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/strixaluco
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2014
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