You wouldn't know it by looking at him, but my friend is a natural at remodeling kitchens.

He's counter intuitive

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SplashbackDeuce
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
🚨︎ report
We’re remodeling our home’s exterior and my wife is being prying/divisive regarding who I’m hiring to do the job.

She really wants to know who I’m siding with

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/daddymcdadjokes
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
🚨︎ report
So two guys, Mike and John, worked for a remodeling company.

One day, while working on new walls, Mike knocked over a bucket covering John with its contents. Later, when they return to the office, their boss pulls John aside and asks what happened to him, the conversation was as follows:

Boss- What the hell happened to you guys today?

John- Well, Mike kicked the bucket, then I got plastered.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/deadboy98
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Dad pulled this one while we were remodeling the kitchen.

Dad Is on a ladder putting up molding. Me: Do you need me to hold anything? Dad: Yeah, your horses.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/coldshowergod
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2014
🚨︎ report
If you pay for your kitchen remodel with fake bills...

You’re counterfeiting the counter fitter.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Eliza_Swain
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Doing a bathroom remodel

So my wife and I went to the tile store. I told her I don’t mind picking out tile but having to choose grout colors is where I draw the line...

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ted_Ruxpin
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the French general who used a cannon to start his kitchen remodel?

It was linoleum blownapart

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Capt-Redbeard
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife wants me to remodel our staircase.

I told her I'd need a step-by-step guide.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2016
🚨︎ report
A couple was having an argument about leaving some roof trusses exposed when they remodeled their house.

They had some real truss issues.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/UsernameExMachina
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2019
🚨︎ report
[OC] 1 out of 3 homeowners won't accept a free kitchen remodel.

Let that sink in.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HusbandAndWifi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2018
🚨︎ report
A restaurant named Cafe ModernΓ© closed for remodelling

When it reopened, it was named Cafe Post ModernΓ©

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/EightBit
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2018
🚨︎ report
My husband during our kitchen remodel dropped a dad joke

Placing the stud finder to his chest, he exclaimed "Beep, beep, beep! I'm a stud!" I couldn't help but burst out laughing...this is why he's my best friend.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cocochanelle87
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2014
🚨︎ report
I caught my stepfather in the act last week.

My stepfather and mother have been doing some remodeling in their first house to get it ready to put on the market, so they are fixing up some things, and I was giving them a hand. As we were working we had the radio playing.

My mother notices a light switch on the wall in the bedroom that isn't working quite right. She says, "Honey I think there's something wrong with the light switch."

To which my stepfather replies, "What's wrong with it?"

My mother says, "It's making a weird noise. I think it's humming. Why is the light switch humming?"

My stepfather says, "That's probably because it doesn't know the words."

πŸ‘︎ 41
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sennius
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2018
🚨︎ report
Several years ago, Andy was sentenced to prison. During his stay, he got along well with the guards and all his fellow inmates…

The warden saw that deep down, Andy was a good person and made arrangements for Andy to learn a trade while doing his time.

After three years, Andy was recognized as one of the best carpenters in the local area.

Often he would be given a weekend pass to do odd jobs for the citizens of the community and he always reported back to prison before Sunday night was over.

The warden was thinking of remodeling his kitchen and in fact had done much of the work himself.

But he lacked the skills to build a set of kitchen cupboards and a large counter top, which he had promised his wife.

So he called Andy into his office and asked him to complete the job for him.

But, alas, Andy refused.

He told the warden, "Gosh, I'd really like to help you but counter fitting is what got me into prison in the first place."

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2018
🚨︎ report
True Story about Half a Toilet

We are remodeling my grandmother's house. This includes a new toilet. My dad entered my room today giggling. He replied, still giggling, that my mother was in a rage. After some prodding for explanation, he finally told me that, and I quote, "they only gave her half a toilet."

Now, I'm thinking the tank was in one box and the bottom half was in another, and they only gave her one box. In any case, when worded this way, it IS kind of funny. So, I giggle too. But dad didn't stop there. We laugh for a bit, and then he grins even wider and says:

"I got to thinking, you know, we have a lot of half-ass people around here..."

And that, readers, is how a fairly routine mishap went from "mildly funny" to "too groanworthy to be anything but hilarious".

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BayouRoux
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2017
🚨︎ report
What do you call a model undergoes plastic surgery?

A remodel.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/smornanana
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2018
🚨︎ report
A new spin on an old classic

We are remodeling the bathroom due to mold, and long story short Nicholas wasn't allowed in his room. While in the front room he moaned as loudly as he could "I'm booooooooooooooreeeeed"; I picked up the nearest 2x4, stuck it out the door and said "Hi board, I'm plank".

I got two chuckles from the contracter and my stepdad, and an "ungh" from Nicholas.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/d_wootang
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2014
🚨︎ report
At my brother's home addition

My brother was remodeling his house and a new bedroom was almost completed except for cleanup of sawdust, caulking, and other random construction leftover bits.

I grabbed a shop vac hose and began cleaning, making sure to point out that it made a pretty good caulk-sucker.

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bocephis
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2015
🚨︎ report
Got dad joked by my GF. I amso proud.

In our apartment complex they are remodeling the stairway. They have been trying to put up this dry wall but keep taking it down due to the poor cuts. However, one day I came home to discover the wall successfully installed! Texted my GF and the following happened. Me: "Hey they finally finished the stairs." Her: "I guess they are really stepping up their game."

I am so proud of her. She will make a great dad.

πŸ‘︎ 52
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2014
🚨︎ report
I got a good one from my manager last night:

We are in the process of remodeling the store I work at. Co-worker: The walls need another coat of paint... Manager: I don't think they do, maybe just a jacket. The rest of us: Groans

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kcebnaes
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2014
🚨︎ report
Told my dad a dad joke during a stressful time.

My dad has been very stressed about finances during some remodeling and roof repairs on our house. All around depressed sort of mood. Someone started talking about dinner and I told him the classic. "I was gonna become a vegetarian but realized that would be a big missedsteak. He laughs out loud for 10 minutes and changed his mood for the day. Thanks /r/dadjokes

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jockrock
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2014
🚨︎ report
My dad got me with a pun

We're remodeling the kitchen and my dad was putting the shelves in the cupboards. He came up to me with one of the shelves (which was made of wood) Dad: Feel this piece of wood right here. Me: Feels it Dad: You feeling bored today?

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Satans_Salad
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2014
🚨︎ report
Negativity joke from my dad. (as emailed)

A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip
to Rome with her husband..

She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded: " Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty.
You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?"

"We're taking Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"

"Continental?" exclaimed the hairdresser. "That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late.
So, where are you staying in Rome?"

"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome's Tiber River called Teste."

"Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks it's going to be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump."

"We're going to go to see the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope."

"That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. "You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."

A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo.
The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome.

"It was wonderful," explained the woman, "not only were we on time in one of Continental's brand new planes, but it was overbooked, and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful,
and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot..
And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a $5 million remodeling job, and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city.
They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!"

"Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I know you didn't get to see the Pope."

"Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me.
Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me."

"Oh, really! What'd he say?"

scroll down.....

He said: "Who fucked up your hair?"

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/joe630
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2014
🚨︎ report
Working construction right now, just came up with this

How do you know if the guy who remodeled your bathroom is a phoney?

He's a skilled counter-fitter.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CeyowenCt
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2014
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.