Quizzically Puns

I exclaimed, “I know, but I was named AFTER Thomas Jefferson!"

What are tests ?

"there are either predators or prey in the circle of life" explained the nun. "whatever an animal eats, it is called that animal's prey. for instance, rabbits eat lettuce - thus lettuce is rabbit prey."

"Sister, what is sunlight then?" asked a quizzical child.

smiling, the nun put her hands together and said, "lettuce prey".

...with a steering wheel in his pants. The bartender spots him and looks quizzically at this man. He asks the pirate “What’s with the steering wheel in your pants?” The pirate replies “Arrr, it’s driving me nuts”.

Having breakfast with the family and telling them I'm not feeling well this morning.

Me: "I've got a sore throat and my voice is kind of raspy. I think I'm a pony."

Daughter: tilts head and looks quizzically at me. "huh?"

Me: "You know, a little horse."

Wife: rolls eyes...

I was quickly filling the shelf with my books, when she said, "leave some room for your wife on the bookshelf!"

I turned to her with a quizzical look and asked, "are you going to fit on the bookshelf?"

As the missus is plating up bacon and eggs for us all...

Me: "I'm so next to Austria right now"

*** quizzical looks ***

Me: "I'm Hungary!"

*** cue groans all' round ***

Me: *** laughs to self, satisfied ***

I think I "invented" this joke when I was around 15, but I'm sure others have as well since it's not too subtle. The key, though, was that I waited for just the right moment to use it for the first time.

I had an ear infection, so I went to the doctor, who took a look and quickly diagnosed it and wrote a prescription and handed it to me.

> Doctor: It's just an ear infection, so 4 drops of this daily should clear it right up.

> Me: [Reading the prescription, and seeing the name of the antibiotic, but I may be wrong about the name, so if anyone knows the right name, please reply.] [Completely seriously.] Oraline? So, I put the drops in my mouth?

> Doctor: [Quizzically.] No, no, no, you put it in your ear!

> Me: Oh, I read the name, and "Oraline" sounds like something you'd take orally.

> Doctor: Nope, in the ear.

> Me: [Remembering my dad joke.] It's a good thing that you didn't prescribe me analgesics.

The doctor had no reaction, just said their deadpan goodbye and left. I've wondered if they didn't get it, didn't think it was funny, or had heard it hundreds of times before.

We were discussing our entries into a marathon and talking about the fact that you had to nominate a charity to run for. One of the girls said,

'I didn't pick one, I just typed in N/A.'

'Funny, that already is a charity.'

quizzical look

'The National Stroke Association...'

Groans all round

She and my dad just happened to burp at the same time. One of them was loud, and dad quickly said that the loud one was her's but she just said it was Bono's.

Dad and I look at her quizzically, so she says "because it was U2"

He took a bite, smirked and said, "This bacon is great Sarah. It's hard to believe it's sodium free!"

My wife looked at me with a quizzical look on her face and responded, "Ummm... Bruce...this isn't sodium free bacon."

"I know!" My dad exclaimed. "That's why it's so hard to believe!"

Bit of context: Mum and dad are visiting my house which I'm renovating. Today's job is to put on new doors. We are sitting watching TV and finish watching a few episodes.

I say, "ah well these doors aren't suicidal".

Mum gives a quizzical look.

Dad says, "yep they won't hang themselves."

Same wavelength.

So this morning I randomly told my dad I haven't pooped in 3 days. He looks at me quizzically and asked if I had been wearing my contacts. I told him no but what the hell does that have to do with my bathroom problem. He responds, "Well you should probably put them in. Without them, you can't see shit."

My son and I were driving through a construction zone. The air contained the strong smell of the tar they were laying down.

I said, "You know how a tectonic fault is a big crack between two tectonic plates?"

"Yeah," he said, a quizzical look on his face.

"Does that make your butt-crack an asphalt?"

Groan, followed by a facepalm. :)

I'm gonna make you go through the story before the payoff.

My mom asked me, "Do you have a match?" and then answered herself, "Yeah, your breath and my feet!" I looked at her quizzically and she explained that my dad used to say that when they were dating - either that or "Not since Superman." He used to say that there were "no new jokes, just new audiences."

So when my dad walks in, my mom asks him if he has a match.

What does he say?

"Not since Superman."

As Mom and I are cracking up, he says, "Well, I could have said 'your breath and my feet!'"

Mom tells him that she was telling me about how he used to say that to her, and what does he say?

"Well, you know, there are no new jokes. Just new audiences."

My dad's jokes are like a stopped clock. Infuriating, but at least you can count on them to never change.

Setting the scene: a rainy evening. Sitting in living room. Talking about a movie.
SUDDENLY
DAD: Oh! There's reindeer on the roof!
quizzical looks
DAD: (smacks forehead theatrically) I mean, there's rain on the roof, dear!

Pops takes me, my wife, and my kids out for a post Christmas meal at the Rainforest Cafe.

We stand in line to put our names on the list. After giving the lady our name, my old man stops her and asks, "Excuse me mam, but do you allow pets in here?"

She responds back with a quizzical "I'm sorry but no."

Pops turns to me and says, "Sorry son, looks like you are waiting in the car." He then does the corny half laugh half cackle while the restaurant worker rolls her eyes and my wife laughs at me.

Damn him and his corny jokes!!!

P. S. Will use this on my kids later this week.

Had a couple noteworthy ones from my dad in the last few days.

First: I'm carrying a couple of books around, one of which happens to be Atlas Shrugged. My dad sees and asks me, "What are you reading Ayn Walk?" I shoot him a quizzical look and an "Uhh... Wut?" He explains, "Well it's not Ayn Ran(d), it's Ayn Walk!" /facepalm

Then today we happened to pass by a sign for the town of Bruce, WA (whose name my dad shares) which showed the direction and how far away it is. I point it out to my dad saying, "Look, Bruce, 4 miles that way!" Dad replies, "Ah yes that's good but they got it wrong, it should say Bruce 4 miles this way!"