Did you see you dog had puppies?

It’s become apparent.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/drumduder
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2020
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A dog gave birth to puppies on the sidewalk

She was ticketed for littering.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZonieDrew
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2019
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My dog mated with a bird the other month, so I have some puppies for sale

They are going cheap

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SalsaSauce666
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2019
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I told my coworkers that they looked like they were having a puppy-dog day.

"What does that mean?" they asked.

"It just looks like you've had a ruff day."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Head5hot811
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2018
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Why were the other puppies teasing the sled dog.

He was a little husky.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dogsandtrees
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2018
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How did the older dog know the puppy was his son?

He took a Pawternity test

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LT_DANS_ICECREAM
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2018
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TIFU by letting my dog give birth to a litter of puppies

I have no clue when their next birthday will be...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Brodhisattva
πŸ“…︎ Feb 29 2016
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i want to open a puppy mill store next to the humane society, and sell dogs by weight

i'll call it "Puppies by the Pound"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/relayrider
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2015
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About 10 years ago, my dog had puppies

Her breed was only supposed to have 2-3 per little, yet Pumpkin ended up squeezing out 7 of the little nuggets. So of course she had a lot of extra skin hanging from her belly. For the next 6 months, my dad took it upon himself to comment, "Oh Pumpkin, you look udderly ridiculous!" Followed by a hearty chuckle. Every. Time.

He would always look around to make sure at least one family member was there to appreciate this comedy gold. It got so bad that even the employees at his office begged him to stop.

But of course he did not, and will still bring it up every once in a while to this day.

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2013
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Was at the grocery store with my son.

Saw a can of dog food with puppies on it. Asked my son if he wanted to see what dog from a can tastes like. The look on his face was priceless

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bridgeheadprod
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2020
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What does a baby corn call its dad?

Popcorn.

(Credit goes to Puppy Dog Pals I watched with my daughter today)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/funrunner16
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2019
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Puns for Educated Minds
  1. The fattest knight at King Arthurs round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

  2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

  3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

  4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

  5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

  6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

  7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

  8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

  9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

  10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

  11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

  12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: You stay here; I'll go on a head.

  13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

  14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: Keep off the Grass.

  15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

  16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

  17. A backward poet writes inverse.

  18. In a democracy it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism it’s your count that votes.

  19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

  20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine.

  21. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, I’m sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.

  22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says Dam!

  23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.

  24. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, I’ve lost my electron. The other says Are you sure? The first replies, Yes, I’m positive.

  25. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

  26. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FreshFocusPhoto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2015
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A dad joke I came up with

What do you call the event when a puppy becomes a dog? . . . A Bark-Mitzvah

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πŸ‘€︎ u/throwawaydad741
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2017
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Heard this one get dropped whilest visiting with my parents.

Mom (addressing us kids): Y'know I once caught your grandfather letting the dog suckle on his nipple when she was a puppy... Once he saw me he put her down and acted like nothing happened.

Dad : So... He was a PETA-phile?

The moment was golden... Couldn't ask for better timing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bearinthegarden14
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2018
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Puns for Kids

The funniest and shortest puns for kids, you always remember while teaching children puns, try to choose the short ones because they are easy for them to remember and register.

Puns for Kids

Why are teddy bears never hungry? They are always stuffed!


What do you get when you cross a snake and a pie? A pie-thon!


Where do polar bears vote? The North Poll.


What did the judge say when the skunk walked into the court room? Odor in the court!


Two silkworms had a race. They ended up in a tie.


Why are fish so smart? Because they live in schools.


The streets in the capital of Afghanistan are paved with Kabulstones.


How does a lion greet the other animals in the field? Pleased to eat you.


What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn? An egg roll!


No matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be stationery.


Why did the turkey cross the road? To prove he wasn’t chicken!


What musical is about a train conductor? β€œMy Fare, Lady”.


A man drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.


What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.


What animals are on legal documents? Seals!


Why did the lion spit out the clown? Because he tasted funny!


Why did the bumble bee leave the house? It heard the school was having a spelling bee.


Being struck by lightning is really a shocking experience!


How do celebrities stay cool? They have many fans!


Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!


Dockyard: A physician’s garden.


What did the angry mother say to the boiling pot of spaghetti? Simmer down!


The lights were too bright at the Chinese restaurant so the manager decided to dim sum.


β€œWhat’s purple and 5000 miles long?” β€œOoh! I know! The Grape Wall of China!”


Every calendar’s days are numbered.


This duck walks into a bar and orders a beer. β€œFour bucks,” says the bartender. β€œPut it on my bill.”


I used to be twins. My mother has a picture of me when I was two.


What sound do porcupines make when they kiss? Ouch!


When does a well-dressed lion look like a weed? When he’s a dandelion (dandy lion).


Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a-salted.


A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Punsville
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2017
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[x-post /r/Jokes] [OC] An old blacksmith was working in his shop...

when there was a terrible accident. The fire in his forge had gone out of control and set fire to the shop. The blacksmith nearly lost his life. He was bedridden for many months and relied on the help of his children and grandchildren to feed him, bathe him, and take care of all of his needs. Eventually he was able to get back on his feet, though his outlook on life had turned quite grim. He was now able to take care of himself, but he had lost much of his strength and dexterity from the injuries he sustained and he was unable to practice his trade. He fell into a deep depression and he spent most of his days sitting at home in front of the fireplace gazing into the flames, longing for the days when his strong hands could grasp a hammer and strike a hot piece of iron, slowly forging it into a beautiful piece of work.

One evening when the old man was sitting in front of the fire, he heard a knock at the door. It was his granddaughter, whom he hadn't seen in many months. She had overheard her father talking to her mother about how her grandfather was slowly slipping away into depression and hopelessness and she wanted to help. To the old man's surprise, she had brought him a puppy. "I thought that since you're always here all by yourself that you might want someone you keep you company," the granddaughter said. The old man's eyes welled up with tears and the little puppy instantly jumped into his arms and began licking the tears from his face. The old man and his granddaughter spent the next several hours sitting on the floor of his house watching the puppy chase around a rubber ball, bouncing, jumping, panting, and licking. In that short time, the old man had made complete turnaround from being sad, lonely, and hopeless, to smiling from ear to ear, full of joy with his new-found companion. As the hours grew late and the puppy grew tired, the granddaughter said "Well Opa, I'm glad you like your puppy, but it's late and I should be heading home. By the way, what are you going to call him?" "Life," said the old man, "because he has given me a new meaning and joy to mine." The granddaughter kissed her grandfather on the cheek, wished him goodnight, and she left.

Many years passed and all the while, the old man and his little dog were inseparable. Everywhere the old man went, Life was always with him whether it was the post office, the grocery store, and even when the old man went to the barber shop, the little dog would sit patiently until the last hair on

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MyOtherAccount_3
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2016
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Got Dad Joked by my 10 Year Old

My two sons and I were picking up our dog from boarding. My 9 year old points to a sign that says "Puppy Kindergarten" and says that our dog should be in puppy pre-school since he is only three. I respond saying that in dog years, he is old enough to hang out with me at a bar. My 10 year old, without missing a beat, said, "Make mine a double...I've had a ruff day!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/octobert
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2016
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Putting the dog down. :(

Background: Our family puppy has been wearing a diaper lately before she gets fixed.

As were taking the family picture, my brother is holding the dog like a baby for one of the pics, and my mom says β€œokay one picture with you holding the dog then were putting her down.” To which my dad responds β€œAwww, we don’t need to put her down, we just need to get her fixed.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HagridsManhood
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2017
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My wife is gonna make a great dad someday.

So my wife and I are house/petsitting for some friends of ours. They have two cats, and a ten month old German Shepard. Being ten months old, the puppy is still a little rowdy. Tonite, after we took him for a walk, we let him kind of hang out in the house.

He still wanted to play, and jammed his elephant toy in my wife's face as she sat on the couch crocheting. She pulled back and he jammed it into her chest, then released and bit down to get a better grip on the toy.

In doing so he just clipped my wife's ahem nipple. She immediately pushed the dog away and grabbed the affected area. I stood up to help, somehow, and asked her if she was okay.

She looked me straight in the eye and said "Yeah, it's just a little nip." I couldn't be more proud.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/alfrohawk
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2014
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Discussing dog training

Sister: We really need to send the dog to puppy school

Me: To what, earn his dogtorate?

Hehe...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/magicbakingpowder
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2016
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While looking for dogs with the family..

Mom: "Hey how about this one?" (points to a sleeping dog)

Sister: " Look at this one!" (points to a puppy)

Dad: "What about this one?" (points to a damn stuffed animal)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xdsofakingdom
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2013
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Dads proudest moment at a restaurant

Dad and I were out to dinner at a nice restaurant. The waitress was young, had a hippy vibe about her, was chatty and during conversation mentioned that she was a vegan.

When Dad ended up ordering the venison, she turned to him with puppy dog eyes and said "But sir, you realise that's a little deer?"

Dad looked up at her, paused and said "That's OK, I think I can afford it".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Near_Canal
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2013
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My dad is the epitome of this subreddit, so I want to share one of his ultimate go-to stories:

When I was a young boy, I was playing in my front yard with my brother. A man in a van pulled up and asked us to help him find his puppy. My brother, being older and wiser, ran inside. I, however, fell for the prank and hopped in the van, eager to find the dog. The man became hostile and I quickly realized he was kidnapping me. I had to think fast. I was panicking.

"I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" I shouted loudly.

The man was unhappy, but took us to a gas station so that I could go. He grabbed my arm and looked me in the eyes and sternly said "If you're up to anything, I'll kill you! Don't say anything to anybody. You better come right back!"

I went into the bathroom and looked around. A window! I quickly scrambled on top of the toilet and popped the window open. I hauled myself up to the opening and began to pull myself out and to freedom when a hand grabbed my foot! It was the man! He began pulling my leg...

Just like I'm pulling yours.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sparty_party
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2013
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My dad and our dog

My dad was eating cashews today and he fed the dog a couple. My mom told him that he shouldn't be giving the dog any nuts because there are some nuts that dogs aren't supposed to have. He responds with "I know, they get them removed so they don't have puppies".

I had to turn away so he didn't see me laughing. Then he ran to tell my brother.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrjanuary
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2015
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My dad was brushing my dog outside.

It was pretty hot so my dog as his tongue out. A little boy and his mother was passing by and the kid go "hey this is a beautiful dog but why does it have black spot on his tongue ?" and then my dad answer "Oh it's because he ate a pencil when he was a puppy". The kid totally bought it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/harry5519
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2016
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My dad got me today (in spanglish!)

Today I was talking to my dog telling him that he was classically handsome when my dad chimes in and calls my dog ugly.

So I tell my dog "don't listen to him, you're the most handsome puppy in the house"

My dad responds "No, I'm the most handsome papi in the house!"'

("Papi" is father in Spanish)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/my_name_isnt_Rick
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2015
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Grandpa joke - just as funny

A friend was talking to my grandpa once about how crazy her friend was because she kept putting her puppy in the fridge.

My grandpa responded with, "well...I guess she doesn't like hot dogs then eh?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GifftedIdeas
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2014
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Dad dropped this one at the pet store today... I love you dad.

So there was a stand in the store showing off young homeless puppies, which needed to be bought. I walked over and pet one of the dogs. My dad, watching from over my shoulder, grabbed my wrist and said, "Come on Charlie, you just ate!" And all the stay at home moms and 6 year old girls just stood in amazement at me and my dad. I jolted out of the store, (dad following) and we drove home. (We already had all we needed) I just laughed, looked at him and said "I love you dad"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tunanin
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2015
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Dog Breeding

So one of my coworkers has like six Shih Tzu dogs that she wants to breed. One of her friends just got a French Bulldog puppy. She told me that when the puppy was old enough to be able to breed with her dogs she could have French Bullshih Puppies.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/atavistatom
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2014
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A dog gave birth to puppies this morning

The dog was given a fine for littering

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Suck_My_Wab
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2019
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My grandpa sent me this email. King of dad jokes.
  1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

  2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .

  3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

  4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

  5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

  6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

  7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

  8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

  9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

  10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

  11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

  12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

  13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, 'You stay here, I'll go on a head.'

  14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then, it hit me.

  15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said, 'Keep off the Grass.'

  16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No change yet.'

  17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

  18. It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it.

  19. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

  20. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

  21. A backward poet writes inverse.

  22. In democracy, it's your vote that counts. In feudalism, it's your count that votes.

  23. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

edit: formatting

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mattybreit
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2014
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