I laughed for a while at this
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Coderedcody
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2021
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How do you make 3 old ladies all yell profanities at the same time ?

Have a fourth one yell "BINGO"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2020
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What are the two most profane bones in the human body?

The blasfemurs

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rolling_Man
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2018
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Dancing Queen used to have a lot of profanity in its lyrics, but after computers became common...

No one needed an abba cuss.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Twigsnapper
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2017
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If somebody tries to swear, but only knows really weak cuss words, it’s not profanity.

That’s amateur fanity.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sentient_salami
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2018
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Profanity isn't much fun for a lot of people, but it's a blasphemy.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2018
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My extended family uses too much profanity.

They should really stop cousin'.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Logic_and_Memes
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2016
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How about this? A potion that gives the drinker Tourettes.

A profanity philter.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pyranders
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2020
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Arrested for stealing a calendar.

I got 12 months.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/drjamjam
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2015
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Why isn't amateurfanity a word?

There is profanity. However, pro- is short professional, and very few people actually cuss for a living (like maybe rappers, boxing/wrestling announcers and comedians). I'm sure nobody is getting paid when they stub their toe and let out a big long string of cuss words.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spotted_Lady
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2018
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The Rude Parrot

A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird’s mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird’s attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to clean up the bird’s vocabulary. Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even more rude. John, in desperation, threw up his hands, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute. Fearing that he’d hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John’s outstretched arms and said β€œI believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I’m sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior.” John was stunned at the change in the bird’s attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird spoke up, and asked very softly : β€œMay I ask what the turkey did?”


I'd like to thank my friend John for sending me this dumb joke

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fred1840
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2019
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A waitress was taking an order from a dad and a 4 year old at a table.

The kid kept screaming, screeching poorly-articulated profanities at the disinterested father. Over the screaming chaos, the father managed to order a water for himself, and an orange juice for his kid. The waitress came by with the drink, and within moments the kid smashed his cup onto the floor out of pure, unaimed toddler rage, spilling the drink all over the floor and the waitress.

The father apologized, but asked if the gremlin could still have a second orange juice, hoping the kid would miraculously calm down. The waitress conceded despite the terribly behaved toddler, and returned to the shrieking zone with a second orange juice. She had forgotten to clean up the puddle of orange juice however, and slipped. The cup of juice went straight into the kid's face, and like a fire extinguisher to a flame, the kid just went silent, as if a lesson had been learned. Everyone in the restaurant looked at the table in silence.

Juice twice had finally been served.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TahLoow
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2019
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A True Classic

Dad(vaccuming): "This thing sucks!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Animactus
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2016
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To my brother a few days ago. | Learning different lanuages.|

So my brother and I have this app called duolingo. Its an app for learning different languages. Im learning spanish and hes learning french.

So one fine day, this is our conversation...

Me: Oh man, I gotta practice my spanish!

Him: Oh yea, I gotta practice my french too.

Me: Just watch your profanity.

He took a second to laugh but eventually got it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Yesitzdaniel
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2014
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