My wife told me that my botanical garden was so expensive that it was preventing us from starting a family. She said I can either have a hobby...
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︎ Jan 29 2021
I have a condition that prevents me from going on a diet....
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︎ Feb 12 2021
As a reward for preventing the ship from running aground
they gave him a hearty "Atta buoy!"
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︎ Feb 11 2021
If a girl is preventing you from reaching your goal....
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︎ Jan 13 2021
Storks bring babies, but do you know what type of birds prevent babies?
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︎ Dec 17 2020
How does Santa Clause prevent himself from getting coronavirus?
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︎ Dec 08 2020
Be like Santa Claus and prevent the spread of Covid
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︎ Dec 08 2020
Iβm going to open a restaurant that doesnβt do anything to prevent spreading the pandemic
Itβs called Thai Food Mary
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︎ Nov 08 2020
I was in an 80's band called the prevention
We were better than the cure.
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︎ Nov 25 2020
Why did the Cows return to the marijuana field?
It was the pot calling the cattle back.
Edit: Thank you for the awards.
I was expecting this to go noticed like most of my other posts. You peeps rock!
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︎ Jan 16 2021
What can you use to prevent stepping on your cat all the time?
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︎ Sep 27 2020
My new job at the nuclear reactor requires me to take anger management classes.
They're to prevent meltdowns.
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︎ Nov 20 2020
I just published a book on how to prevent skin injuries and minor burns.
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︎ Jul 22 2020
The Cuban main violinist's string snapped during a performance. Luckily, he got offered another violin by his American friend.
That day, another Fiddle Catastrophe was prevented.
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︎ Jan 22 2021
What has wheels and prevents water rings
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︎ Jun 05 2020
Lots of violence could have been prevented in the Old West.
If only the cowboy architects had made the towns big enough for everyone else.
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︎ Mar 22 2020
A new precaution has been implemented to prevent the spread of the Coronavirus.
All TCP communications will be converted to UDP to avoid handshakes.
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︎ Mar 11 2020
Why did your mom allow you to be exposed to preventable illnesses?
Because they're not Karen for you
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︎ Jan 25 2020
Did you hear about the new boxer with a disability that prevents him from lifting his arms past his waist?
All his opponents seem to have the upper hand.
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︎ Jan 18 2020
XD
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︎ Nov 10 2019
Itβs easy to prevent women from eating tide pods
But itβs harder to deter gents
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︎ Jan 25 2019
Eyelashes are supposed to prevent things from getting in your eyes but when I do have something in my eye, it's always an eyelash.
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︎ Mar 15 2019
My religion prevents me from throwing out old clothing.
We have been called to be holy.
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︎ Oct 13 2019
At least it tells you what it prevents
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︎ Nov 12 2018
My uncle is convinced that his wife prevents flakey scalp in the hair
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︎ Oct 13 2019
I have a rare condition that prevents me from putting on foundation, mascara, eyeliner, etc.
No really, you canβt make this up.
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︎ Jun 06 2019
Excess weight could soon be Canadaβs second leading preventable cause of cancer, report says
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︎ May 09 2019
A scientist walks into a lab to pick up a dozen beakers for a new experiment heβs been working on, and the lab clerk hands him 13 upon his arrival. β13?β, the scientist asks, βI wanted a dozen!β
The lab clerk says βI thought you wanted a beakers dozen!β
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︎ Jun 25 2020
My coworker has to drink alkaline water to prevent IC flare-upsβthe higher the pH the better.
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︎ Aug 09 2019
Crabgrass in my lawn is always fighting to prevent good grass seed from rooting...
Guess you could say I'm caught in the middle of a turf war
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︎ Aug 08 2019
The Mars rovers have to be sterile before being sent to the planet to prevent cross contamination. Just one germ and they must clean the spaceship again...
The whole mission must be scrubbed.
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︎ Jul 03 2019
I need to apologize to my fellow Californians for all the recent forest fires.
Apparently I'm the only one that could've prevented them
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︎ Sep 22 2020
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︎ Jan 25 2019
After giving birth, I quit my job. The exit questionnaire asked: βWhat else could the management provide β that might have prevented you from leaving?β
I wrote βBirth control.β
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︎ Oct 30 2018
To prevent your gyro meat from drying out, criticize it harshly while cooking.
Give it a good lamb basting.
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︎ Jun 14 2019
Only you can prevent Florist Friars.
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︎ May 20 2018
Do prison guards use proactive to prevent breakouts?
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︎ Apr 02 2019
What do British spies use to prevent athlete's foot?
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︎ Jul 24 2018
How do you prevent a fish from smelling bad?
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︎ Feb 04 2019
Bathing regularly helps prevent malaria...
Malaria is carried by mosquitos, but if you're clean, then your toes aren't musky any more.
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︎ Feb 28 2019
Church sign: Godβs son-screen prevents sin burn
Possibly the worst one Iβve ever seen..
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︎ Jul 01 2018
Studies show habitual marijuana smokers have increased saliva production
When asked if there was any prevention, scientists stated you can either spit or get off the pot.
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︎ Jul 26 2020
Did you know sex can prevent drowning?
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︎ Dec 25 2018
How does Santa Clause prevent himself from getting coronavirus?
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︎ Dec 08 2020
The Cuban main violinist's string snapped during a performance. Luckily, he got offered another violin by his American friend.
That day, another Fiddle Catastrophe was prevented.
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︎ Jan 22 2021
I was in a band in the 80s called Prevention.
We were better than The Cure.
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︎ Jan 29 2020
If a girl is preventing you from reaching your goal...
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︎ Aug 23 2018
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