Why do type-A personalities like to camp?

They are already in-tents.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HappyRamenMan
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2021
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what is the sleepiest personality type?

IN-PJ's

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/super_dab_boi_22
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2021
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What do you get when you have two Type A personalities fighting?

AA Battery

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/drawsprocket
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2017
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What type of person doesn't like pizza?

A weirdough!

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PunkHaz
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2021
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I asked my personal trainer at the gym, which type of machine I should use to make myself more attractive to women?

He suggested, the cash machine .

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2021
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My wife and I were really happy for 20 years ...

Then we met

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/corefear
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2021
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I found out today that I perfectly match the profile of the type of person who spoils their ballot paper.

I tick all the right boxes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2021
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I'm an antimatter type of person

Just looking for 1 positive experience

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shaevan
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
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What type of person speeds up vaccine development?

A Russia

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πŸ‘€︎ u/acschwar
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2020
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What type of blood do you give a pessimistic person?

B positive

πŸ‘︎ 282
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FlashHash
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2018
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There are 10 types of person in this world.

Those who understand binary and those who don't.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlRedux
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2019
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What type of cruel individual would cut off a person's hair, throw it away and then to add insult to injury, take their money afterwards???

Such a practice sounds barbarous to me.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/atomproject
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2018
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I'm not the type of person that apologizes.

I'm sorry, that's just the way I am.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MastaPJ
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2016
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Whenever a waiter (or any other tertiary type person) asks my dad "Can I get anything else for you?"

dad: Yeah, I'll take a winning lottery ticket

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/I_mean__probably
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2013
🚨︎ report
We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
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Why do blind people hate skydiving?

It scares the hell out of their dogs.

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/singh-avi
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2019
🚨︎ report
There are 3 types of people in the world:

1: The ones who can count

3: The ones who can’t

πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PossiblyDumb66
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2019
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Help!! Creative Minds Needed!!

My Dad has recently shown a fascination with space and NASA. Long story short, Christmas is coming up and my plan is to surprise him with an all expense paid trip to Florida for 4 days with passes to the Kennedy Space Center. I’d schedule it around a launch so he would be able to see it in person. As well as checking out the area a bit since we’re there.

Which is where I need your help! I want to coordinate hints with presents that slightly hint at the trip. For example, I picked out a NASA tshirt, a space shuttle plush toy, assorted astronaut ice cream, socks that have planets and a rocket on them, mug that says β€œcoolest dad in the galaxy,” a map/atlas of florida, and luggage tags. And the final gift I’m thinking will be a letter that puts all the clues together and would include the plane tickets, car rental agreement, hotel confirmation, and the admission tickets in an envelope.

Can anyone give me ideas on what hints to use??

  • I’m still adding/taking away present ideas so if anyone has any better ideas please let me know!!

Thank you so much!! Any type of help is appreciated!! I don’t really have that β€œcreative” part of the mind... whether it be a rhyme or dad joke-y type hint, it doesn’t matter!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
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My dad was bragging about his new hearing aid. β€œState of the Art,” he said, β€œIt cost me a fortune.”

I said, β€œAwesome. What type is it?”

He said, β€œ Two thirty.”

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2018
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A college professor asks all of his students to brainstorm and yell out different kinds of stereotypes.

"All blonde girls are dumb!" yells a boy in the back.

"Sony!" yells the blonde girl in the front.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hughdman
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2019
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When buying cookware always double check it's non-stick

http://imgur.com/zrLdcsm

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2015
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The Blitz of Puns

It really grinds my gears when people say stick-shift is obsolete.

Most people like their music bass-boosted, but it seems like too much treble.

When an astronaut drinks tea, he takes a big space-sip.

The best electricity puns are live wires. Coppers really don’t know how to resist these in a coil. If you make enough of this type of pun you can really blow their fuses. You need to be smart about how you conduct these so you don’t overload your capacitors.

The only kind of rap I like is the wrapping paper on gifts.

Scissors always cut to the point.

Airplane puns always fly overhead. You have to be careful so you don’t stall out. Always use better judgement so you nose how to dive. When used correctly, this pun classification can really propel to infinity and beyond. However, if misused, the fall from grace is full of turbulence.

When working with electricity puns always make sure to be grounded to prevent shocking results.

Mr. Tea says, ”Don’t be a fool, stay in school!”

i c e i c e w a t e r

Architecture is an aspiring career path.

β€˜Pun’ puns don’t add up. The are starting to get negative receptions.

I’ll do algebra. I’ll even do calculus. But graphing is where I draw the line.

Plants should always rooted in the ground.

Never argue with people when they are right or nobody will be left hanging out with you.

Rocks make boulder moves. This means they are pelite and not jagged. Don’t take these puns for granite.

Cheese puns are grate because you don’t have to ask for parmesan to use them.

Eskimos have cold personality. It is an ice society, but some of their history chills my spine.

My dog died a few years ago. It was really ruff.

I am not a fan of wind turbines.

Life is like driftwood. You never know where you will float.

Christmas lights stick together. When one goes out, they all do.

Puns about communism are only funny if everyone gets them.

Rocket scientists cannot fuel around or something bad can happen.

A baker is someone who kneads to make baked goods.

I sometimes wear stripes to avoid being spotted.

Sponges are great at absorbing liquids.

Contrary to the name, relationships have nothing to do with boats.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zmanofdoom95
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2019
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He fucking got me imgur.com/bZ9bOpo
πŸ‘︎ 903
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ItzMcShagNasty
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2013
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What did the Italian diver say when he saw the big eel?

"That's a Moray!" (Say it out loud)

πŸ‘︎ 80
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πŸ‘€︎ u/robneptune
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2016
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Met a loud and aggressive Canadian man today...

He had a real Type Eh personality.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mycareer
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2018
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My wife is from Canada...

She has an "Eh"-type personality.

Source: am a dad, said this with her in the room

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jermudgeon
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2015
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Went to the doctor with my wife.

The doctor asked my wife if she knew her blood type she said no but then I said it must be A Negative because she has A Negative personality. My wife gives me that look, the doctor rolls his eyes. The doctor then asks me if I know my blood type for some reason (http://www.betterbirth.com/site/rh-negative) I say it's B Positive, because my personality is always to B Positive. Wife puts her face in her hand, doctor chuckles.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/b1kerguy
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2014
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The story of my friend Sam

HI I’m Tim the turtle, yes a real turtle. And I would like to tell you the story of my best friend. I once had a friend by the name of Sam. Sam of course was a clam. A real live honest to goodness clam. He was my best buddy, but unfortunately he smoked and drank and ran around with loose women (and a few men). I was more of the goodie two shoes type. I never drank, never smoked, I didn’t even swear. But for some reason Sam and I were the best of friends. I guess you can say we were the epitome of opposites attracting. One day as we were hanging out walking along the beach Sam, after his fifth cigarette in a row, had a heart attack and died. I was heart broken. My best friend died right there in front of me and he never repented his evil ways. I was sure he would spend eternity in damnation. Sigh. Being the goodie two shoes type I was still extremely healthy well into my old age. I missed my friend terribly for many years. On his birthday I would host a party and invite his old stripper girlfriends and poker buddies around to relive stories. It was always a fun evening, but in the end left me more lonely than before. Eventually, my broken heart couldn’t stand it anymore and I too died. I was pleased to find that there was a heaven. Being an almost saint I was whisked directly past the line to the Pearly Gates to be greeted by St. Peter. A big grin erupted on his face and he came right around his desk to give me a great big hug. β€œTim”, he said, β€œYou have been such a good person back on earth that God has asked me to grant you any wish you would like before even entering heaven”. To say I was flabbergasted is an understatement. I thought for a minute, I guess God expected me to ask for more time on earth, but I knew what I really wanted to do was to visit with my old friend Sam. So I asked. Poor St. Peter didn’t know what to say. You know Sam is in Hell right? Well I knew that was a strong possibility so I wasn’t surprised. Peter excused himself for a while and went to check with the big guy himself. He was gone quite some time, but eventually he returned. Peter said my request was approved, but under a few conditions. First, I would have to carry a golden harp as a passport back into heaven. This harp could only be carried by a good soul so I couldn’t be replaced by a look alike demon. Second, I would have to return by midnight. God didn’t want me to face too much temptation. I agreed to these conditions and took the highway down to hell. (Nope n

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dendari
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2018
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Who would do that?

Walking around the grocery store with dad when we see some jerk sauce out of place.

Dad: "I can't believe this, what type of person leaves a bottle of sauce like this out of place?!" (He's being pretty loud)

Me: "Who."

Dad: "A jerk."

Person behind us snickers

Everyone starts clapping.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rclova
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2016
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Thought of this one earlier today.

What type of pudding is a rude person?

Off pudding.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xbinky7
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2016
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during a serious doctors appointment, my boyfriend laid this joke on me. totally lightened the mood.

me: My blood type is o+

him: That's right, you should always be O+ person. It's not good to B-.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dontfuckingthink
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2015
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Froggy the Waiter

This isn't a joke that came from a dad or anything but I hope it's worthy!

My father started waiting in 1979 and took one of his first jobs at this extremely fancy and expensive restaurant. The type of place that the waiters wore tuxedos and whatnot. Anyways my dad worked with this guy named Froggy (nickname of course) whom my dad still praises to this day that he's one of the best waiters he's ever worked with.

Anyways, one night it's extremely busy and both my father and Froggy were rushing around trying to keep up. Well Froggy had this table with about 5-7 people all who looked like they wore expensive clothing, ordered the best food and so on. Well one of the guys ordered a baked potato as a side and Froggy proceeds with typical waiter stuff as asks if he wanted sour cream with his baked potato. The man says yes so Froggy scoops the cream and attempts to place it on the potato. Well... as he was moving to place it on, the cream slipped off and right onto this guys extremely expensive sweater... Completely in shock, the customer turns to Froggy and without missing a beat, Froggy slowly turns his head in a comical fashion towards the ceiling and proclaims "Those damn pigeons!"

Needless to say every single person in that table were crying with laughter, including my father one table over who observed the whole ordeal. Froggy said he'd pay for the dry cleaning and the customer said not to worry about it because it was the most hilarious thing he's seen in ages.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KickedInTheHead
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2013
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Dad joke on the radio

I was listening to a show on the radio and they were talking about nightmare interviews. One person said they'd been asked by the interviewer what type of soup they would be if they were a soup. The discussion continued until this happened:

Host: So what are the other soups you work with like?

Other person: They're pretty SOUPer.

I have to say, it made me chuckle.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/flobadoba33
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2014
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My kids know my love of puns and Star Wars. One just sent me this.

I maintain a small pun page on Facebook because a bunch of my family and friends would "complain" every time I'd post an image pun to my personal page.

My 17 year old step-son just sent me this one for the page. I'm so proud of him.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/eccentricfather
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2014
🚨︎ report
A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
514 Dad Jokes

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 78
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Josvys
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report

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