A Kung Fu student asks his teacher, "Master, why does my ability not improve? I'm always defeated." And the master, pensive and forever patient, answers, "My dear pupil, have you seen the gulls flying by the setting sun and their wings seeming like flames?"

"Yes, my master, I have."

"And a waterfall, spilling mightly over the stones without taking anything out of its proper place?"

"Yes, my master, I have witnessed it."

"And the moon, when it touches the calm water to reflect all its enormous beauty?"

"Yes, my master, I have also seen this marvelous phenomenon."

"That is the problem. You keep watching all this shit instead of training."

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
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Pensive primate
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ostrantula
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2019
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A woman is sat at her dead husband's funeral when a man leans in and asks "Could I say a word?"

The woman replies "Sure, go ahead"

The man stands up, clears his throat and says "Plethora" before sitting back down.

The woman says "Thank you, that means a lot."

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NimmPlays
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2022
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Why condoms come in packs of 3, 6 and 12!

A man walks into the pharmacy with his 8-year old son.

They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad?"

To which the man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called Condoms son. Men use them to have safe sex."

"Oh I see," replied the boy pensively. "Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school."

He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, "Why are there 3 in this package?"

The dad replies, "Those are for high school boys, one For Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday."

"Cool" says the boy. He notices a 6 pack and asks, "Then who are these for?"

"Those are for college men," the dad answers, "two For Friday, two for Saturday, and two for Sunday."

"WOW!" exclaimed the boy, "then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking up a 12 pack. With a sigh and a tear in his eye, the dad replies.

"Those are for married men, son. One for January, one for February, one for March..."

πŸ‘︎ 78
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xenevi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2019
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Why does it cost so much to buy thoughtful eggs?

Because they're eggs-pensive.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/maurerm1988
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2021
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The vice president seemed kind of worried and lost in thought the other day.

He seemed very pensive.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/stooftheoof
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2020
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