My wife is doing a sponsored parachute jump tomorrow....

....and I'm terrified that the chute might not open.

Last time something that big crashed onto Earth, the dinosaurs got wiped out.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2021
🚨︎ report
If your parachute fails while sky diving, it’s okay...

...you have the rest of your life to fix it.

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/decentname99
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2021
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You don't need a parachute to go skydiving.

You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BenFranksta
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the guy in a parachute that crashed into a Ferris wheel?

He's slowly coming around

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πŸ‘€︎ u/elster000
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2021
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I went parachuting with a friend, and my parachute wasn't working

He laughed, and I said I don't think you understand the gravity of this situation!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MoondogGLOVER1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2020
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Son, remember if your parachute stops working mid-air, don't panic.

You'll have the rest of your life to fix it

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
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Parachute for sale

No strings attached

Also banjo same condition

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nico735
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2020
🚨︎ report
A chap jumps out of an areoplane and his parachute fails to open.

On the way down he meets a chap with no parachute moving up wards. He shouts to him, Hey mate know anything about parachutes? The chap coming up shout No but do you know anything about gas cookers?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tiger7971
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
🚨︎ report
The great thing about your parachute not deploying

Is that you have the rest of your life to fix it.

πŸ‘︎ 108
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πŸ‘€︎ u/blackcatice
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2020
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Did you know you can actually go skydiving without a parachute?

Yeah, only once though.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/G1itch1n5y5t3m
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2020
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I asked my skydiving instructor what I should do if my parachute doesn't work. He said when it comes to that, we'll figure it out on the fly.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hank_the_Hand
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2019
🚨︎ report
We were watching the news when the commentator said that "several Brazilian skydivers died when their parachutes failed"...

My son burst into tears. I explained, "yes, buddy, it's sad, but they knew what they were getting into". My son replied, "I know, but it's still so sad. I mean, how many are in a brazliian? Is more than a million?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jfshay
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2019
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I have a parachute for sale

Used once, never opened

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ArcticFrost-296
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2019
🚨︎ report
If the parachute doesn't open, bring it back and we will replace it.

Heard from an old Jump Instructor while handing out parachutes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/l4fngm4n
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2019
🚨︎ report
My little nephew just asked why skydivers only have a single reserve parachute.

I said, if they had more than two they wouldn't be called pair-o-chutes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BinaryPeach
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2019
🚨︎ report
I didn't worry much when my parachute didn't open.

I didn't understand the gravity of the situation.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fatandsalt
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2018
🚨︎ report
The clown and the parachute instructor

On the first day of training for parachute jumping, a clown listened intently to the instructor. He told them to start preparing for landing when they are at 300 feet.

The clown asked, β€œHow am I supposed to know when I’€™m at 300 feet?”

β€œThat’s a good question. When you get to 300 feet, you can recognize the faces of people on the ground.”

After pondering his answer, the clown asked, β€œWhat happens if there’s no one there I know?”

https://bestcleanfunnyjokes.com/the-clown-and-the-parachute-instructor/

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tfraymond
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2019
🚨︎ report
When the parachute failed I became deeply aware of the gravity of my situation.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gargolito
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2016
🚨︎ report
Parachute For Sale
  • Never opened
  • Used only once
  • Small stain
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BadPuppyZA
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2019
🚨︎ report
it's possible to jump without a parachute from the top of the Grand Canyon all the way to the bottom.

But not twice.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2019
🚨︎ report
What happened to parachute pants?

They took a dive in popularity.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/launchedcar
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2018
🚨︎ report
A nervous soldier had jumped from a helicopter. He Radioed to his commander: "Are you sure these parachutes are safe?"

The commander chuckled, reassuring the solider. "We've had no complaints about them."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/-Vinushka-
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2017
🚨︎ report
You don't need a parachute to go skydiving

You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nadva
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2020
🚨︎ report
You don't need a parachute to go skydiving.

You need it to go skydiving TWICE.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nihilman
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2020
🚨︎ report
How much time do you have to fix your parachute?

The rest of your life.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/-mr-_-robot-
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2019
🚨︎ report
You don’t need a parachute to skydive.

You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/labink
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2019
🚨︎ report
If you’re parachute is failing...

You have the rest of your life to fix it.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JammerJake2005
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2020
🚨︎ report
You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving

But you do need one to go skydiving twice

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RipjawGaming
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2019
🚨︎ report
You don't need a parachute to skydive.

You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MeMeMaKeR666
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2019
🚨︎ report
You can skydive without a parachute

Only once though

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Parkinsons_CS
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2018
🚨︎ report
You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving.

You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/coot32
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2018
🚨︎ report
You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving.

You need one to go skydiving twice.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Reecethehawk
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2018
🚨︎ report

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