Being the hostess of Thanksgivikkah dinner this year, I made a little speech about how blessed I was and how I loved everyone at our table. Dad said I should have started with a joke and then offered this one up:
"A rabbi, a minister, and a priest walk into a bar. The bar tender says, 'what is this? A joke'"!
Happy Thanksgiving!
My dad and I were taking the dogs for a walk at night and one of them ran into a tire. My dad's response:
"I guess he's a little tired!"
>!Meow Zedong!<
" oy that's a constructor, init"
Hopefully she'll loose some weight soon as well
Nah ma, stay
mitzvah, where he is welcomed.
The polite policeman explained that this elderly gentleman said that he was lost in the park...and couldn't find his way home. " Oy Morris ", said grandma, " You've been going to that park for over 30 years ! So how could you get lost ? "
Leaning close to grandma, so that the policeman couldn't hear. Morris whispered, " I wasn't lost.....I was just too tired to walk home."
Oy sauce!
Rests in the βoyβ of the beholder.
For all of my life, my brain has played a soundtrack. At all times, in all places, I hear music going through my head, from the moment I awaken in the morning until I go to sleep at night. I can only shut it off by listening to other music, watching a movie, etc. but it soon starts up again once the outside source of stimulus is removed.
Yesterday I was travelling. When I visited the restroom prior to boarding my flight, the the music in my head suddenly switched tracks from "I've Been Everywhere Man" (that got really old after the first hour. Oy!) to "Africa" by Toto. "That's odd", I thought to myself, "the music in my head usually doesn't switch tracks unless something has changed around me." I finished my business, cleaned up, stood up, and turned around to flush.
Then I saw it. There, emblazoned on the porcelain, was the word "TOTO". The manufacturer of the toilet. "Nice job, brain, funny, hah-hah," I thought to myself.
The song in my head came to an abrupt halt. Silence, for just one moment. Blessed silence. Rare for me. Then I realized. My brain was giving me time to digest the previous joke. Waiting for me to think I'd arrived at the punch line. Pausing for a beat before it delivered the next one. "Africa" started over again, telling me exactly why the DJ deciding songs in my head had picked this exact moment, this exquisite situation, this exact set of circumstances to deliver the internal Dad Joke of the year:
"Doodoo doo-doo doodoo do dooooooooo...."
My dad has certain lines that he likes, and he uses them over and over again. Whenever we're eating and someone says "Oy, I'm full." My dad replies "Full of what? Hah." Every time.
The worst part, I've heard this so many times that this is now MY first thought when someone says they're full!
My parents are heading up to NY on vacation together. We have a group text that has my parents, my wife and I, my brother and his fiancee, and my sister. All day, half the family has been traveling for either work of vacation, so there have been a lot of texts about when people have boarded their flights or landed at their layovers of destinations. After 2 hours without any texts, here are the latest two texts we all got:
Mom: We got to NY!
Dad: Glad to hear it!
(remember, they're traveling together. Oy)
And asked, "Is the bartender here?"
... Took me a minute. Oy.
