Stay Positive

Son is working on math. Currently working on negative numbers, which is below his level (pun intended).

Wife says, "He is really bored. If you can think of anything to say to help that would be great.

Me to son, β€œHey buddy, I know you are working on negative numbers and that is boring. Try to stay positive.”

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2020
🚨︎ report
the need for puns is dire...

I am requesting the shittiest, most terrible, most horrible dad level puns you can throw my way. Puns that would make others projectile vomit with their horribleness. Puns so aweful and sad, that it'd make me want to hug you and ask you....are you okay?

so send them my way. or there will be a severe....PUNishment...

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nirvanaspirit666
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call two humans that share an Amazon account?

Prime mates.

Reference, for those of you that did not pay attention during secondary-level biology class - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Primate

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/prendrefeu
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2021
🚨︎ report
Got drunk yesterday and puked in the elevator on my way back home.

It was disgusting on so many levels.

πŸ‘︎ 255
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rhshi14
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2021
🚨︎ report
My dad once told me a very deep quote.

β€œThe Marina Trench is 36,201 feet below sea level.”

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/5thPhantom
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2021
🚨︎ report
Climbing on scaffolding...

...wrong on so many levels.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ricerly
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2021
🚨︎ report
Why are elevator jokes so classic and good?

They work on many levels.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Meat_Mithkabob
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2021
🚨︎ report
Sadly, Aquaman was never able to finish college.

All his grades were below C level.

πŸ‘︎ 79
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr_Woodsie
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2021
🚨︎ report
I like to pretend that I have Tourette Syndrome so I can cuss in public. Today I went wild on a crowded elevator.

Yeah. It was wrong on so many levels.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2021
🚨︎ report
My mom's new husband told me a joke about stairs that wasn't all that funny

I didn't relate to it.

Hey, I guess you could say it was a step dad joke.

On more than one level.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/eagleboy444
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2021
🚨︎ report
Dad: β€œHow are your grades, son?” Son: β€œThey’re underwater, Dad.” Dad: β€œWhat do you mean, underwater?”

Son: β€œThey’re below C level”

πŸ‘︎ 126
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πŸ‘€︎ u/decentname99
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2021
🚨︎ report
I tried.

I kept my tone level and I didn’t raise my voice, but I begged and begged the chef to add some crumbled goat cheese to the recipe. But unfortunately it was too late as it had already gone into the oven.

It was a feta calm plea.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jamesianm
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2021
🚨︎ report
Why shouldn’t you fart on elevators?

It’s wrong on so many levels.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/static612
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2021
🚨︎ report
I don't know why people are afraid of flying ?

Most crashes happen at ground level.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2021
🚨︎ report
Why wasn't the scuba diver invited to the company's executive beach party?

Because he was below C-level.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheRockingDead
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2021
🚨︎ report
Training for dad level jokes.

My wife is pregnant with our first child so I'm stepping up my joke game to reach dad level.

Mother's day was not so long ago, and since she isn't a mother yet but only a future mother, I didn't get her flowers I only got her seeds, which are future flowers.

At least I found it hilarious and so did she. Hope you guys enjoy this!

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jackybeau
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Why would you never murder on an elevator?

Because it's wrong on so many levels

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FranticFridge
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2021
🚨︎ report
We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Why can't mermaids use the letters A or B?

They only know what's below C level

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Its-Draco
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2021
🚨︎ report
So I’m at dinner with the fam, telling the joke about what the kid with no arms got for Christmas (we still don’t know because he hasn’t opened them yet)...I set it up...a friend of mine at work has a kid...no arms...and deliver the punchline...

And my 10 year old son, completely deadpan, tells me

β€˜Dad, I knew that story wasn’t real because you don’t have any friends’

πŸ‘»πŸ‘»πŸ’€πŸ’€β˜ οΈβ˜ οΈ It took me a solid 5 minutes to stop laughing.

I have achieved Dad level 10 at raising my kids

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/themeatspin
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
🚨︎ report
I meant Darth Vader’s wife today

Ella. She has so many levels to her

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nickatier_Carbs
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2021
🚨︎ report
I took Binary 101 last semester, but failed it miserably.

Turns out it was a level 5 course.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about Darth Vader daughter Elle?

Her power is on a whole different level! ( just made this up, my daughter eat impressed) lol

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/atg0184
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
🚨︎ report
For all the time they spend in a school, you'd think that fish are really smart.

But it turns out, they're all below C level.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/weirdgroovynerd
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
🚨︎ report
What’s a construction workers favorite song?

Running With The Level!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LegendaryBroku
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2021
🚨︎ report
I don't think Marine Biology is the right major for me.

My grades are below C-level

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/icemage27
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Patel was teaching a boy named Ed basic geometry, which he was failing to grasp even on the most basic levels. He mistook squares for triangles, circles for hexagons and so on...

So Patel tried to go to the lowest level and put a dot on the paper.

"What this, Ed?"

"A line?" the boy replied.

"I... I expected more from you. I'm... This a point, Ed."

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/alkaath
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2020
🚨︎ report
If Emily gets depantsed in front of her friends...

She’s em-bare-assed on 2 levels

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RotaryPhoneDialer
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2020
🚨︎ report
This story is about a man called Trevor, and his obsession with tractors.

Trevor loved tractors. And I mean, really loved tractors. Forget any obsessions or high-level interests you may have, chances are they pale in the face of Trevor’s love for tractors.

Every day Trevor would get up, in his tractor-themed bedroom in his tractor-themed house, with its tractor-themed wallpaper and tractor-themed carpets, and he would make his bed with its tractor-themed duvet and tractor-themed sheets. He would go downstairs in his tractor-themed pajamas into his tractor-themed kitchen, with its tractor-themed tiles and cupboards, and he would eat his breakfast while perusing the latest tractor-themed magazine or annual.

Trevors’s degree in Agricultural Engineering hung on his living room wall, along with a copy of his thesis, which centred around (you guessed it) tractors. The living room was decorated with all sorts of tractor-related trinkets, including die-cast models, paintings and drawings.

The hedges in Trevor’s front garden were trimmed in the shape of tractors. His lawn was vividly decorated with tractor-driving garden gnomes, and his garden furniture was constructed from various parts from vintage tractor designs.

Trevor just had one thing missing from his otherwise tractor-centric life; he had never actually owned, nor driven, a real tractor.

Not for his lack of trying, of course. Trevor had been to many tractor shows over the years, and visited many farms with friends of his, but none of the tractors he had seen had ever been quite right. Trevor was so knowledgeable about tractors that every single one he had come across had possessed some hidden trait that he wasn’t keen on. His first experience of driving a real tractor had to be perfect.

One day, Trevor was flicking through one of his favourite publications, Powertrain Quarterly, when there was a knock at the door. Trevor answered, and it was his friend and fellow tractor enthusiast, Jeff.

Trevor welcomed Jeff in, and over tea and crumpets served on tractor-themed crockery, they discussed the merits of aluminium drawbars and front-end loaders. Eventually Trevor pressed Jeff to explain the reason for his visit.

β€œWell” said Jeff, β€œAs I’m sure you know the convention comes to town later”.

The convention. Trevor had been thinking of little else the past three weeks. The neighbouring town annually threw a convention for farmers, particularly farmyard machinery. There would be combine harvesters, lawnmowers, and of course, tractors.

β€œYes of course” replied Trevor

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShredderSte
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Had a race to see who could hang out our towels on the washing line quickest.

It was level pegging.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ReaperWright88
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Many years after the great flood, God came to Noah again and spoke: β€œNoah, it is my wish that you build another ark.”

Rather worried, Noah said β€œBut my Lord, have the people not been good this time? Must there be another flood?”

β€œNo, there will not be a flood, the people have been good.” Said the Lord.

β€œThen why another ark?” Asked Noah.

β€œI wish for this ark to only house fish.” The Lord replied.

A slightly confused Noah responded β€œOkay... I shall do as you wish my Lord.”

β€œBut not just any fish; only carp.” The Lord said unto him.

Noah, now more bemused, replied β€œUh- okay my Lord.”

β€œOne more thing.” The Lord said unto him β€œit needs to have multiple levels.”

β€œAre you sure my Lord? What is the purpose of this? What on earth is it all for?” Noah pressed.

And God said: β€œI want you to build a multi-story carp-ark.”

Passed from my father unto me, to pass onto my son when he becomes a father.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dongwaffler
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2020
🚨︎ report
This Is A Paid advertisement: Have a home project you’re working on? For a limited time, Lowes Home Improvement is now selling Levels 2 for the price of 1!

Multi-level marketing

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BHarcade
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Why are elevator jokes so classic and good?

Because they work on many levels.

πŸ‘︎ 46
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sal_Mandeni
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2021
🚨︎ report
Farting in a packed elevator...

It's wrong on so many levels.

πŸ‘︎ 194
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mac_OrchardYT
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Have sex in an elevator

is wrong on so many levels

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EviL-FeaR
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2021
🚨︎ report
Why are elevator jokes so good?

They work on so many levels

πŸ‘︎ 41
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jaxerfp
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Crime in multi storey car parks.

Wrong on so many levels.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/beej2000
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2021
🚨︎ report
I don't know why people are afraid of flying...

Most crashes happen at ground level.

πŸ‘︎ 78
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Why are elevator jokes so good?

They work on so many levels.

πŸ‘︎ 223
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tinnber
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Why are elevator jokes so classic and good?

They work on any levels:)

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
🚨︎ report
A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I signed up for a Binary 101 class, but I failed it miserably.

Turns out it’s a Level 5 course.

πŸ‘︎ 226
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I once farted on an elevator

It was wrong on so many levels.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/enganere
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2020
🚨︎ report
I failed a math test on an elevator.

I got it wrong on so many levels.

An old one I know, I just thought the punchline needed revision.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SD_Swift
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Sex on an elevator is wrong...

Sex on an elevator is wrong, . . . . . . . . . . . . . . On so many levels...

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BestServedColder
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Why are elevator jokes so good?

They work on so many levels.

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/danuser8
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2020
🚨︎ report
What's the best thing about elevator jokes?

They work on so many levels.

πŸ‘︎ 63
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/chopinsbach
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Crime on multi storey car parks.

Wrong on so many levels.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GeneralHornbill
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2020
🚨︎ report
A man that makes a mistake in an elevator,

is wrong on many levels

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mystichunterz
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2020
🚨︎ report

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